One Treasure At A Time: Bee, The Little Mama

It's a game much like rock, paper, scissors. At least that's how it ends.

It's after supper and getting dark one night at Hot Springs. The meal is being cleared away and there is that general after supper lingering at the table for the adults. Yupa is enjoying a rare moment to sit, and she is doing her best to engage me in "conversation". The children are busy, being primarily responsible for clean up, except not all of them at once. That's why Bee is free to play with Bao.

She does this a lot. In fact, if I had to pick Bao's favourite among all the other little mama's she could be with, it would be Bee, hands down. They are often together. Like now, in the gathering dusk, sitting on the low wall that separates the dining area from the upward climbing jungle behind us.

The game is a song, really. There are actions and repeating sounds and at one point the players join hands and move their arms back and forth in a seesawing motion. And it all ends with a flourish, each player choosing a hand position that somehow determines who wins.

Every time, Bao laughs loud, whether she wins or loses. And then, in the predictable and apparently universal way of two year olds she says, "Eek tee!" Again! And over and over, with patience beyond most adults, Bee does it again.

This is the gentleness of Bee. She's kind and easy going, patient in other ways besides a willingness to repeat a childish game. She smiles easily, and seems calm in the midst of the happy chaos of living in a home with 15 children. She's affectionate and nurturing and talks in quiet tones. The day we broke out the playdoh, Bee stayed with Bao to help make sure she had fun. It's easy to see why Bao favours her.




Bee, like a few other of the girls, has her hair long and straight. The night she and Saiy stayed with me in the Mission Centre, they both took turns brushing each other's hair, and then played "model" with my hat (actually Debbie's hat), walking down an imaginary runway to show how grown up they were.




Even now, two months later, remembering her smile, her gentle hand slipping into mine as we would walk down the driveway....makes me smile too, and makes me miss her. A lot. When I was there, Bee drew me a picture of a Thai country scene and I put in on my fridge. In English she's written "Bee loves Ruth".

I spent some time this evening sorting through my pictures again. I always think I'm going to do this as a task, you know, as if it was something to do that I needed to get done. Sort the pictures, give them names so I can find them easier. All that.

But it always does a number on me. Truth is, I miss them so much. Two months down, four to go. I'm going back in May.

Meanwhile, we've been able to send money for mattresses! As soon as we get some pictures, I'll post those too.

Isaiah 46 verse 4

I'm going to break from my Thailand ruminations for a bit to comment on the events of the past few weeks, both for me personally and for Highview as a whole.

It's been quite a ride. Both my Mom and my Dad, having been on a waiting list for quite some time, were able to move from Scarborough to Kitchener within three days of each other. This is a good thing. The drive back and forth had become next to impossible since June of this year and the other family matters requiring time and energy. Mom and Dad are becoming more frail and require more attention, mostly emotional, so being closer seemed imperative.

If you've ever done this with loved ones, however, you'll know that it's been a mixed blessing. There's not a whole lot of notice given and you have to act on it or you lose the space. Doing the moves was and still is extremely taxing, physically, mentally, emotionally. Lots of grunt work (my husband is the BEST!), tons of paper work, and even more required to explain and calm and reassure two extremely important people in my life, that the world is not coming to an end, and yes, you will get your stewed prunes for breakfast. The settling in process takes time and there are a whole slew of new people looking after my parents that I have to get to know, and whom have to get to know us.

Overlapping all of this, a dear friend and an Elder at Highview, suffered at heart attack that led to a diagnosis that put him on a schedule for open heart surgery. Brian's role at Highview is crucial to the smooth operations of the financial and business aspects of what it takes to be a church. So as well as engaging the church community in helping to make sure his family is supported and cared for, there has been the added dimension for us as an Elders' Team of working through all the "tasks" and doing the appropriate downloads.

Needless to say, it's been a crazy way to round off a crazy year. And it's not over yet. All throughout, I have pressed hard, hard into God, seeking from Him everything I need, because, well frankly, all of this is WAY beyond my own abilities and resources.

Tuesday morning, the day after hearing that Brian was facing surgery, and having had time to start making (yet another) list of all that needed to be taken care of in light of these events, I woke up early. As my mind snapped into "problem solving mode", I realized that I very badly needed to turn my worrying into praying (Philippians 4:4-9, so that's what I did. Even as I stayed under the covers, curled around my pillow, I began to engage with God about all that was going on, asking Him to give me and give all of us clear heads and calm attitudes, great ideas and strong hearts.

As the "divine download" continued, I caught a picture in my mind that was similar to some Anne Geddes photos I've seen. You know - great big strong hands, and a tiny vulnerable baby cradled in them. I had a sense of being cupped in God's great big hand as I lay in my bed. And, as clearly as I ever hear these things, I heard in my mind, "I will sustain you."

It was a very real, very wonderful God-moment for me in the midst of incredibly demanding days (with more to come). Afterwards, as I was thinking more about what I had "heard", I said to myself, "I think that's probably in the Bible somewhere" :). So I looked it up. Here's what I found.

Isaiah 46:4
Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and and I will rescue you.

I am taking all of this very personally :). The God I know is an intimate God, eager to engage with me in the deepest places of who I am. His care and presence is as real to me and more than any I have ever known from my dearest friends.

I am also taking this as being for Highview as well. God has sustained us and carried us already through so much. He's not about to drop us now.

As I write, new developments on an entirely different front are also happening. The ride could get rougher. God is still bigger. And He is sustaining, carrying it all.

Resting,

Ruth Anne

One Treasure At A Time: Entorn (Happy Birthday)

I'm trying to imagine what it would be like to be an introvert plonked into a family of 15 kids?

Personally, I like my time alone. When the intensities of peopledom overwhelm me, as they do from time to time, I need my solitude. Just let me be quiet so that I can recharge. Even during my kid-purposed trip to Thailand last month, and even with my heart fully engaged in getting to know these amazing children better, I was glad to have a separate room, a separate space to retreat to when I needed it. I like my alone time. I need my alone time.

I'm pretty sure Entorn and I have this in common. In the picture above, Entorn is the boy in the black and yellow shirt, furthest to the left and half hidden by Somchai in front. Looking through the photos I've brought back, I notice this to be a common feature of the group shots. Entorn is often "in the background".

The oldest of all the children, Entorn is the 14 year old "older brother" to all those wonderful, but talkative siblings. He's quiet, and doesn't smile easily, to be honest. In larger groups, he seems a little at odds with himself. At Wiang Pa Pao, when the Hot Springs kids were at the retreat, I noticed he didn't join in on the singing at all, sort of kept to himself, even though there were plenty of other boys his age there.

By the time we were back at Hot Springs, though, some of that did change. The singing part, at least. During morning and evening devotions, he participated with an energy I hadn't seen in the larger group. And throughout the week while I was there, I certainly did observe him interacting in big brother kinds of ways with the other boys. He seemed to be really into the balsa wood airplanes I'd brought to assemble and paint.

I'm not sure what he made of me. Who was this lady from Canada with the markers and wood crafts and random candy? What's with the crying that day she arrived? Why is she taking so many pictures of our chickens? I'm sure he wondered. I wish I could have known for sure what his questions would be, talked more, kibbitz'd more. I wanted to know him as much as the others, so I tried.

At home, I confess, I am sometimes at a loss to know how to express my friendly intentions towards boys Entorn's age. Already there's a culture difference, even in my own world. But here, with the language and the culture being so out of my league, how on earth would a 51 year old white woman be able to make friends with this northern Thai adolescent?

I'm not sure I did. Eventually, I did learn to ask for Entorn's assistance any time there was a task that required some physical strength. That helped. I remember one time in particular when a candy bag was being stubborn, and I caught his eye, showed him I couldn't open it, and handed it to him.

With one two fisted tug he got the bag open, handed back to me....smiling! It was the only time I was able to sustain eye contact with him. He was so pleased to have done something I was too weak to do. And I don't think he minded the candy either.

I had such a short time there, really. I realize that more and more now that I'm back. There's so much more I would want to do and learn and know; so much further I would hope to go in making connections with each and every child. But I didn't push. Certainly not with Entorn.

Here's a sobering consideration. If Hot Springs as an orphan home is barely 2 years old, and Entorn is 14, what was happening for him for the first 12 years of his life that could make him reluctant? His bio explains that both his parents are dead and that for a time he lived with his grandmother, until she was no longer able to care for him. He's from the Karen tribe, a minority with little status in Thai culture. How much living has gone on before this to make him wary of me, I wonder? Wary of everyone?

It's part of the knowing that bothers me. I expose my heart to so much sadness when I love them. Entorn is a reclaimed life because of Asia's Hope, and for all the future potential, we can celebrate and be hopeful.

But there is a life already lived that informs the one being played out now. And it's not a nice story. Not for Entorn. Not for any of our kids.

We have no idea.

Entorn's birthday is December 6th. To be honest, because I didn't ask for birth years, I'm actually not sure if he's turning 14 or 15 on Sunday. I'm going to ask Suradet. Either way....Happy Birthday Entorn. May every birthday from here on be a celebration of all you will become, and all God will reclaim from where you've been.

I miss him. I miss them all.