Almost Time to Go

Quietly ready.

All bags are sorted and weighed, following a very smooth packing meeting with the Team last night. My personal bags are now by the door.  Everything I need to be comfortable while we travel is in place. Snacks are tucked in my purse.  We are all checked in and I even printed off the boarding passes.  I know exactly where my passport is.  I am hydrated and moisturized against the long dry air of the airplane.  I know where my lip balm is.  

All the things are checked off the list.  

I even got a out for a very quick walk around the block this afternoon, and then a short but lovely nap.  

I'm excited.  Can't wait to see my Thai beloveds again.  Looking forward to spending time with this spectacular Team.  It will be fun to see Esther.  Curious to see what God has in store for us.  

And loving this sweet spot of cozy and relaxed right now.

And.

Stay tuned for all the airport pictures and updates.

Here we go!

Our flight takes off at 1:45 a.m. Saturday morning.  That means we will be heading to the airport around 8 p.m., allowing for LOTS of time to maneuver traffic, get checked in, get through security, and perhaps have a little something to eat or drink while we wait at the gate.

All there is to do now is be in this quiet space for a warm, nourishing supper, and maybe, because we can, sneak in one more episode of Star Trek: TOS, our current viewing choice these fall evenings.  A little Friday night date just before I go.

Soon

I am oh so grateful for these past few days of relative calm and clarity in which to do that all encompassing task called packing.  

This is not a simple thing.  It's not like you can just chuck a bunch of stuff in a suitcase without many layers of consideration.  Four 50lb ministry suitcases contain Sponsors' packets, teaching materials, reading prizes and various and Sundry gifts.  Weight must be precise, so there's always the last minute transfer of items between suitcases, and then weighing it out again to make sure.

My own personal 50lbs has to be tediously thought through as well.  It's crazy how quickly the weight adds up, and you're deciding what can actually be left behind and what absolutely must go.  Then carry on, and liquids and batteries have to be taken into consideration.  And all in the correct accessibly pockets so security checks can happen with the least amount of fuss (as if).

It's not like I haven't done this before.  And the truth is, I fret about it much, much less than I used to.  I have clothes and toiletries I leave there, plus a lot of office supplies, and a wonderful sun hat!  But still.  It's a thing.  And it needs to be thought through carefully.

Which is why it's been so good to just have some space to do all of it in an unhurried way this week.

Besides....those faces!  It's all worth it.

"Just as a nursing mother cares for her children, 

so we cared for you. 

Because we loved you so much, 

we were delighted to share with you 

not only the gospel of God but our lives as well."

1 Thessalonians 2:7-8

 

Daring Daybreak

A brief but broad splash across the sky at sunrise just now.  Friday begins as the week winds to an end.

I am grateful and in a relatively calm space, checking off 'all the things' and staying glad in the last preparations before departure in a little more than seven days from now.  

It's nice to just stand out here for a minute.  Even the city sounds welcome the day.  And there was a rabbit around here somewhere a few seconds ago.  

Brilliance.  Stillness,  In its own way.

And back inside now.  

I have things to do, and a day to dare in.  Even, steady, pacing myself, bracing myself against the temptation to add any more things just 'because I can.'  Letting enough be enough, and that being perfect.

I send daring blessings to you, friends.  Whatever the sky is bringing you today.  May it be brilliant and still, in its own way for you.

Keeping it Real: The Sneaky Contempt Thing

Seems odd to launch into a reflection on contempt on such a spectacular day.  And most certainly, I intend to end on a positive note here, much like the beauty sunshine that I relished in on my afternoon walk Tuesday afternoon.

But this is about what else I'm letting into my mind and spirit these days, as political posturing floods my newsfeed.  And how gradually, gradually so much of it has become full of all kinds of nasty.  

Where is it all coming from?

I'm talking about memes, 'breaking news,' or anything that remotely looks like a credible report of any kind, but is actually a below-the-belt whammy on someone, usually a well-known someone, using inflammatory language without any apparent attempt at civility or perhaps even accuracy.  The problem with it is, and this is something of a confession, as best I understand these things, what I'm seeing on my feed is very likely because of other things I've clicked on or looked up previously.  Meaning, I'm getting all the nasty things that are directed at what I'm already indicating is likely my opinion or leaning.  

And another level of transparency.  More than just taking the click bait, sometimes I find myself registering an inner agreement, cheering it on.  

I know it's not okay.  Not if I claim to be a person who follows the Jesus who taught us the dignity of every human being.  But I had let is become normalized somehow.  Just scrolling on through all the vitriol.

Then this.  In a chapter called "Places we go when we feel wronged," in Rene Brown's Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connections the the Language of Human Experience.  In considering the experience of contempt, she talks about something I'd never really seen articulated before.  

"'Motive attribution asymmetry' -- the assumption that your ideology is based in love, while your opponent's is based in hate..."  Then, quoting Arthur Brooks in a New York Times piece entitled "Our Culture of Contempt: "Contempt makes political compromise and progress impossible...It also endangers the contemptuous person by stimulating two stress hormones, cortisol and adrenaline.  In ways both public and personal, contempt causes us deep harm" (page 218-219).

And yes, you should read the book.  Because the detailed level of Brown's research is worthy of thoughtful pursuit.  And there's way more involved, and all of it fascinating, than what I will deal with here.  But I was moved by the definitions of contempt, and the correlation to beliefs of superiority, and how easily I can attribute hateful motives to those I find myself at odds with.

This reaches beyond my Facebook feed, of course.  But I'm starting there.  You know, there's this little feature called "Block."  Ima just gunna use that a bit more often, me thinks.  Don't need to pour contempt into this heart I've been instructed to guard 'above all' (Proverbs 4:23).  

It's all part of a journey I've been on for a few months now.  How to think, feel and behave as a Christ-follower in such a dichotomized world.  Desperately desiring unity in His Church while still wrangling with justice, and realizing again that it starts with what's beating inside my own chest.

Really looking forward to digging deeper into Brown's work with our theo-discussion group Thursday afternoon.  

Another beauty day, I think.  

Hope it's a good one for you!

Between Thanksgivings

 "Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good.

His love endures forever...

Give thanks to Him who by His understanding made the heavens,

spread out the the earth upon the waters,

who made the great lights....

"the sun to govern the day, 

and the moon and stars to govern the night.

His love endures forever."

Psalm 136:1,5-9 (compressed)

It won't do to finish out the Thanksgiving Weekend without at least a little something from Psalm 136.

A unique feature of this ancient hymn of God's people is the resounding repeated phrase, 

"His love endures forever," 

as if every item listed throughout the 26 verses was evidence of this.

Also, I can't help but be mindful, this Thanksgiving Weekend, of where we were last year at this time.

Not just geographically, which was on the Freddy Channel, still at the cottage; but also emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, which was 'homeless in KW."  And the contrast between then and now....

It was a big deal.  You can tell because I'm still writing about it a year later.  

And I think one of the things I'm more grateful for this year, more aware of enough to be more grateful for at least, is the enduring love of God that brings it all home (pun intended).  Because last year at this time I didn't know how fabulous our new little house would be, and how dramatically we would go from being all disrupted and unsettled (anxious), to sweet and safe (content).  

And since right now I'm struggling against some pretty daunting responsibilities, looking into the future with a mixture of yay and yikes (talking here about getting the land deed for the Property Development Project), this contrast between last Thanksgiving and this, gives me hope for the contrast between this Thanksgiving and next.  

Because...

His love endures forever.

And I know He loves our kids in Thailand.  And I know He'll bring us home.

Just to be clear, our extended time last year up at the cottage up to the end of October was, on it's own, an incredible gift.  The quiet was deeply healing.  The colour and water and sky could not help but provoke a rush of worship just by glancing out the window.  The unique opportunity to celebrate a Thanksgiving feast with our foodie cousin Janet at her well spread table was sensational.  To be cosy by the fire on those cool mornings, feeding chipmunks and blue jays well into the season, was all kinds of lovely.  And we were thankful in the midst of it.

And right now, even with all that's dauntingly before me, I am well aware of all the goodness that surrounds me.  Right here, right now, I am grateful beyond being able to fully grasp it, let along articulate it.  

Later today we will gather here, in the city, with the family members we more normally celebrate big things with.  Even in our new way of living (in a house too small for a large dining room table so we're going to be at Kristyn and Mark's) this will feel more normal.  And wonderful.  And reassuring.  

And they'll be pumpkin pie, so all is right with the world, let's just say.

Sooooo much to be grateful for.  Then and now.  Now and then.

Wild and Wide Open Thanks-Full Saturdays

I am awake and immediately awash in deep-joy-sighing gratitude.

Yes, it's thanksgiving weekend, but that's not even my first thought.

It's that wild freedom feeling of a Saturday with absolutely nothing written on the calendar!  The first one in what feels like a long, long time.  I linger in bed for many minutes more to savour it.  To let it wrap around me like an enthusiastic hug.

This space, right now, this weekend, this wide open Thanksgiving weekend, bridges a very demanding September, and the final packing and prep for my next trip to Thailand.  And it feels like someone opened the window in a room stuffy with expectations, and let all the gratitude pour in.

Yesssss!!!!!

My list of thanksgivings then (in no particular order):

• For a weekend that actually feels like a weekend.
• For the anticipation of pumpkin pie.
• For the timely and effective attention I received this week when some GI issues flared up again.
• For reassurances from both the travel clinic doctor and my own family doctor that I am cleared to go.
• For getting the final load out of the storage bin, and how that feels like the last of the to dos on the big thing that was our move.
• For the help of our strong son who took his day off to do that with his Dad.
• For being ahead of the game in preparations for teaching and preaching in Thailand.
• For being ahead of the game in gathering and packing.
• For challenging conversations about the delicate space between seeking unity and compassion, while still standing up to what's actually wrong.
• For not just having grandkids, but being able to nurture connective, unique and dynamic relationships with them.
• For lunches with steady friends who are good for the soul.
• For the cardinals in our yard.
• For the responsive generosity of long time faithful friends, and brand new interested friends in helping to meet unexpected needs at Hot Springs over the past weeks.
• For carrot cake recipes that turn out.
• For forgiveness, because who could be anything without it.
• For the anticipation of Thanksgiving Worship on Sunday.

 

And I could go on and on and on.

But it's time to get up and do the slow and easy things there are to do, and immerse myself in the day.

Thankiest of Thanksgivings to you, friends!

Wishing you long lists of your own.

Sports Fan Wannabes

 Can't help myself this morning.

Go Jays Go!

Apparently the Jays, Leafs and Raptors all won their games last night.  It's a very good day to be from Toronto.  

Confession though:  Both Ken and I wouldn't call ourselves sports fans....until any specific Toronto Team gets close to something big.  Ken's even wearing his Jays jersey this morning.  

And the sun is shining!  And it's fresh out there!  And Thanksgiving weekend is on its way.

Seems like a good time to list the gratitudes.  Which I will.  For tomorrow morning, if all goes well with meetings and the like today.  So very much to be grateful for.

The Plenty

Feeling fall and feeling fresh.  Lovely walk this morning.  Thanksgiving weekend is almost here.

Just a simple word of encouragement and cheer this morning.  A reminder, maybe, as we gather around a table with family or friends in the days to come.

"He has not left Himself without a testimony:

He has shown kindness by giving you rain from heaven

and crops in their seasons:

He provides you with plenty of food

and fills your hearts with joy."

Acts 14:17

Gratitude always.

And can I just say, 

as I make my list of thankful things, 

you my friends of wide community,

are beautiful.  

Tuesday's Moody Turning

I miss the kayak, now that we've closed the cottage.  But this long stretch of vibrant weather has made the morning walk a beautiful thing, even in the city.

These pictures are from yesterday's daybreak stroll.  Beauteous.  Cool enough in the morning to be fresh, before the lingering summer heats things up.  That's the way it's been, more or less, for the past several days.  

No sunshine this morning.  In fact, they are calling for rain.

I'm actually okay with it, and am even hoping for rain today.  It's been a long hot summer, and I guess I'm with the ground, waiting for in the relief of precipitate blessing.  And when it comes we'll all say to each other "We really needed this."  

Besides all that, a rainy day makes the kind of work I need to be doing right now - packing, prepping, thinking through all the lists in anticipation for an upcoming trip to Thailand - more cozy, more focused.  A quieter space to concentrate maybe.  Glad I don't have to be anywhere today.  Just all safe and dry, inside, doing my thing, and feeling grateful.

If it gets as cold as they say it will, I will be grateful for that too.  I'm a summer girl.  But even for me, a crisper feel is welcome eventually.  Reminds me of my Mom, who couldn't wait for the weather to turn, and then, that first energy-restoring frost of the season.  Mom was more of a winter girl.  Me, not so much, generally speaking.  Even so, today's likelihood of rain, and the predicted temperature dip is welcome.

It's common, of course, for folks to feel differently about different kinds of weather; for hours of daylight, or varying temperatures, or the sound of the wind and rain, and perhaps especially extreme weather to nudge us towards certain moods.   

We often enough use weather metaphors to describe our feelings.  "Rainy day blues."  "You are my sunshine."  "Under the weather." "A breath of fresh air."

And what a crazy incredible thing, I think to myself as I sit here and write this, that my life is such right now that I can talk about the weather and how it makes me feel.  That my circumstances are such that a Tuesday turn in the weather, can prompt a conversation.  I do not take it for granted, this space in my story where life is this 'every day.'  Not boring, not at all.  Not without issues and concerns, certainly.  And I process all the big bad things going on globally as best I can, and am not unaware of how far away things affect those I love right here.

But mostly, in the 'normal' mapping out of a week, a month, life is steady, solid, unfolding fairly quietly.  For now.  That can change, I know.  

I know what it's like to have no head space for weather talk at all.  To be oblivious to the sunshine or the rain, either way, because you're right in the middle of a different kind of storm, and you are holding on, or climbing out, or just white-knuckle surviving.  I've been there, where my 'mood' is so much more complicated than the weather forecast.  

So for today, when my thoughts are simply on the weather, I will revel in more than just the rain.

Today's blessing then, comes in the form of lyrics written by a Quaker named Joseph Brackett (1797-1892).  May it be your gift today, whatever today is turning out to be for you.  

Even if you don't know the tune, it helps if you picture something like a square dance going on.

Edit:  At the recommendation of my daughter, here is a link  to a rendition by Alison Krauss and Yo Yo Ma.  Enjoy.

‘Tis the gift to be simple, ’tis the gift to be free
‘Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
‘Twill be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gain’d,
To bow and to bend we shan’t be asham’d,
To turn, turn will be our delight,
Till by turning, turning we come ’round right.

‘Tis the gift to be loved and that love to return,
‘Tis the gift to be taught and a richer gift to learn,
And when we expect of others what we try to live each day,
Then we’ll all live together and learn to say,

When true simplicity is gain’d,
To bow and to bend we shan’t be asham’d,
To turn, turn will be our delight,
Till by turning, turning we come ’round right.

Public Domain.

Little Holy Places

Little surprises.  

I am finding that, as I attempt to process (not ignore) all the 'big things,' everything from global news to the way some responsibilities weigh heavy at times, there's an essential balancing in stopping to notice something small and lovely.  Like this Wild Sweet William that confidently pokes out from behind an evergreen, not caring if it actually belongs there or not.  Just being happily pretty.

Or the box of 0.8 mm extra fine blue pens Ken found for me when he was at the stationary store for something else.  Oh how picky I am about my pens!  The very specific type I like is really hard to find now.  And the extra fine ones that I bought a bunch of last March when I was in Thailand are all run out or lost.  I'll buy more when I'm there later this month, but this will be perfect right now.   And when a husband goes to that little bit of extra trouble, it means something.

Or how excited I am that the little boys are coming to visit this afternoon, because over the summer we got to spend that amazing time at the cottage, but otherwise, I was away so much.  And then, as our regular routines of autumn fall into place, it's the big kids that I see more often.  And we'll walk over to the Dollar Store and they will be so happy to be able to choose something to bring back to Gramma's (that Mom likely won't want them to bring home, gee I wonder why), because they are young enough for this simple thing to still be a fun adventure.

And of course, before that.  It's Sunday.  The essential balancing of worship.  

Which actually is not small thing.  A focus, a reorientation on an enormous, beautiful, holy God.  

Isaiah, the prophet, speaking to people who were dreading the big bad things around around them.

Isaiah :11-14

"This is what the LORD says to me with his strong hand upon me, warning me not to follow the way of this people:

            'Do not call conspiracy everything this people calls a conspiracy;

             do not fear what they fear, and do not dread it.

            The LORD Almighty is the one you are to regard as holy,

            he is the one to fear, he is the one you are to dread.

            He will be a holy place.'"

And then Elijah, all worn out and feeling sorry for himself, because big bad enemies were pressing.  And God gives him a chance to have a nap and get something to eat.  And then...  

"Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind.  After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake.  After the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire.  And after the fire there was a gentle whisper."  1 Kings 19:11-12 (emphasis added)

Interesting.  Everything blustering around him, but Elijah only hears God quietly.

And in the bigness of it all, and in the smallness of the noticed things, and in the whisper of a still, small voice, I do actually, yes, find myself in those holy places.  And yes, it does balance me, reorient me, hold me.

So this Sunday morning, I am keeping things small.

Small enough to notice.

Small enough for joy.