Still Not Used To It

This tiny woman gave birth to me.  I know. 

It occurred to me today that I've seen more Christmases with this woman than with any other single person in my life.  (Dad left for Home in February 2010.)

Ken and I celebrated a mini Christmas with Mom today in Lakefield where she lives now.  Only the third Christmas of my entire life where an early visit in a very understated few hours actually counts as 'it'.  I don't like it.  I don't like that she moved away and that it takes 3 hours to get there.  I don't like that Christmas is so very different for us now.

But I'm glad she seemed so delighted with her gift - a set of small and delicate porcelain birds, perched on a tree branch.  She loves birds.  I'm glad we could bring a small centerpiece of Christmas greens to decorate her room for the season.  I'm glad we could eat together, even if it was only the 'festive special' at Swiss Chalet.  I'm grateful for the time we have, when we have it.

Just....still getting used to it.

Were I've Been

 מַה־נִּמְלְצ֣וּ לְ֭חִכִּי אִמְרָתֶ֗ךָ מִדְּבַ֥שׁ לְפִֽי׃

 How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!      Psalm 119:103

It's been a barest-minimum kind of fall in my blog world, so I just wanted to write something quickly to explain.  Since September 13, exactly four months ago, I have had the excruciating privilege of studying Hebrew, the original text of about two thirds of the writings I hold to as my Scripture.  This is all part of my ongoing academic efforts towards a Masters of Divinity.  Hebrew Exegesis was both the title and intent of the course, and it involved more than just translation, as challenging as that is all on its own.  We dug deep, did word studies, learned to ask interpretive questions and did a pull-it-apart-at-the-seams paper on one specific text.  Today was the final exam

 

I am spent.  This particular run at my schooling included a transfer to Tyndale Seminary in Toronto, an hour and 15 minute commute, on a good day, one way.  I do not like to drive to Toronto.  I actually don't like to drive.   It was hard to give up an entire day during the week for this.  It was brutal doing the work

But even now, right now, as I lay my exhausted self down to sleep, I know a deep sense of gratitude for how this has made me love my Bible more.    Like honey.  Even, and maybe especially, the humility-gift it brings along with it.  There's nothing like digging into the original language and trying to wrap your brain around the author's cultural perspective to make you realize, yet again, just how very little you know about anything.   It's a sweet humility, a gentle dismantling of my soul even as I dismantled each verb and syntax 

I do hope to be able to write a bit more in the next few days before Christmas.  There's so much worship and love to be had in Advent, the beauty of it is unmissable

But that's where I've been. And now to bed

 

Not On My Game

It seems like it was a weekend of learning through my mistakes.

I know, I know.  It's all supposed to be good and fine if you actually learn from making mistakes.  But the truth is, I hate making mistakes in the first place.  It's embarrassing, frankly.  And especially when it's in areas that, by now, I should have it down.

Leadership stuff.  Little nuances that have big implications.  Meetings that don't go as I envisioned.  Meaningful intentions that go awry.  Missing basic cues in group dynamics.  Coming to the table without the big picture in mind and getting lost in the details.  I know better.

People stuff.  Emails that get sucked into the vortex that is my relentless inbox.  Meetings that bump into one another.  Birthdays that get forgotten.  Thank yous left unsaid.  Balancing the priorities of who will get my attention, trying not to let the loudest squeaker get the grease, but knowing the squeakers still count.  Loving oh so imperfectly. 

I fumbled and spluttered this weekend.  So I come to the eve of my Sabbath renewal knowing I was most certainly not the best me I could be.  Doesn't feel so great.

Glad to have the chance to tomorrow to regroup.  And ponder the lessons.  Determine corrective action steps.  And keep on learning, glad for the grace offered to me by those who should have been led better.  Humbled by the grace of a Saviour who is made greater in my weakness.

On Being a "Rescuer"

Recently I was called a "rescuer" in a derogatory kind of way. It's given me reason to pause and consider.

Clinically, the terms refers to someone who over-helps others as a means to fulfill their own needs for value and importance. It addresses underlying, unhealthy motives for engaging with others who are in need.

I don't want to be that, so even though I take this comment within the context it was given, I'm taking stock and analyzing some of my recent "helping" behaviours, asking God to reveal "any hidden way in me" (Ps 139:23).

Separately, I've been reading through Proverbs again, and this morning's reading was from chapter 14, verses 21 and 31.

"He who despises his neighbour sins, but blessed is he who is kind to the needy....He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honours God."

It seems pretty clear from these and countless verses in my Bible that God is a rescuer for the needy, and He calls us to partner with Him in this. And it would seem that, and it's been my experience that, as I press into God, I would catch this passion. How could you love God and not be moved by those in need?

Yes, there is a danger always of the shadow side of good things. And I will continue to watch for a "Messiah complex" and the insidious ways of over-helping.

But I think there also may be a way we tend to pathologize kindness as a means of excusing our own selfishness and ingratitude. I don't want to be that either.

And if I err, I'd rather err on the side off too much than too little. Because, quite frankly, I think there's a whole lot more most of us could be doing to share the incredible wealth we've been given in this part of the world.

So, as I continue to guard against the shadow side, I am committed to being a "rescuer" for God....He's rescued me from so much!
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

Open Letter to Highview Community Church

Dear Friends,

Right Now

Since arriving home from the cottage I have been surprised by the wonder of the gift of our pond across the way.  It’s not like I didn’t know it was there, or even that I haven’t made use before of this quiet spot right in our own backyard.  It’s just that, this August, the continuing warm weather and my very rested self have combined into waking early, and sneaking off for sunrise moments overlooking the still water. 

With our church building silhouetted in the background, this makes for a good ‘conversation piece’ with God.  In those misty conversations, God continues to encourage me regarding all of you.  Over the past year or more, I sense a growing steadiness about our forward movement and inward deepening as a community of faith.  This steadiness is punctuated with high moments of celebration and joy, and honest moments of pain and loss amongst us.   In all of it, I honestly cannot express enough what it means to me to be given the honour of serving alongside all of you, ‘doing life’ and walking together through this kingdom adventure He’s so generously invited us to share with Him.

It is truly my hope that even in these last few days of summer, every single one of us is finding the space to be still and refuelled, and to press our souls up close to the Creator of everything summer offers.  September is coming, however, and it’s full of opportunity!

This September

Of course you won’t want to miss the Tailgate Party happening Saturday, September 8^th.  Go online (www.buildingbiggerhearts.ca) to catch all the details for this first annual, fundraising event focused on moving forward in our Property Expansion Project.  I can almost smell that hot asphalt now!

We are eagerly looking forward to Sunday, September 9^th when the regular schedules begin again, so to speak, in our fall-is-here Canadian rhythms.   It will be a happy morning of worship and connection, and the beginning of our first-of-the-season series “What Still Matters”.  This will be an important time of re-envisioning and aligning our focus on the four basic components of why we do church:  Loving God, Loving People, Going and Growing.  

Wednesday, September 12^th, from 7:30 to 9:00 p.m., will be our first Family Chat of the season.   You’ll have the chance to get to know Dr. Bill Webb a little better and ask questions about his Ministry To Younger Churches initiative, and Highview’s connection there.  We’ll be talking about the implementation of our new safety and protection policy at Highview, as well as giving some sneak previews of what’s coming for the season in terms of Sunday morning teaching. [Hint:  If you wanted to get a head start on memorizing the Ten Commandments, go for it.  The challenge will be for all of Exodus 20:1-17.]

God’s good gift of our beautiful partnership with 17 used-to-be orphans at Hot Springs keeps us travelling half way around the world at least once a year.  The 2013 Thailand Team will be raising separate funds from our neighbouring community with our second annual Garage Sale, Saturday, September 15^th.  Anyone having goods to donate, please bring them to the church September 11 and 14 (9 to 9) or September 12 and 13 (9 to 5).  All monies raised will go to team expenses or the ESL Day Camp.

Throughout the Season

In so many ways, our Children are our Most Valuable Kingdom Treasure.  Over this season their priority will be expressed in a variety of ways including:

• The implementation of our new Plan to Protect, with opportunities for the whole church to heighten our awareness through training (September 22 or 27). 
• The re-opening of our Bedrock Toddlers room and full-morning program to celebrate the graduation of several babies from the Pebbles Nursery.
• The inclusion of our school age children of Cornerstone Program in the first 15 minutes of the worship service upstairs.  This is a one- season-only plan meant to appropriately respond to current demographics and broader church needs.  More information will follow to ensure we have a common understanding of expectations that will allow for an inclusive, distraction-free worship time for all. 

As always, my time away this summer included much praying, journaling, consideration of the season just past, and an overview of the remainder of the Five Year Plan.  In all of that two words best express what I believe God wants me personally to give attention to over this coming season.  Love and Align, has become the anchoring words for my own growing and leadership over the next several months.  I don’t know if that sounds simplistic to you, but I have the feeling I’ll be digging deep and listening hard as I explore more what they mean for us this year.

So…it truly is my prayer that the Lord would direct all of our hearts into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance as we finish out this summer and head into a brand new season together.  Can’t wait to see what God’s got in mind as we cooperate with His Spirit in grace and truth.

Your pond-sitting pastor,

Ruth Anne

Perspectives

Well.....The geese are safe.

That's why traffic had stopped, three vehicles ahead of me.  Ira Needles Boulevard, with its stretches between the ponds, is a popular place with a large number of Canadian geese at this end of Kitchener.  And they boldly waddle across, single file, most often in no particular hurry.

That's what they were doing about 1 p.m. Sunday afternoon when I was on my way home from church.  It had been a different sort of service for us; taking the time over the long holiday weekend to be together in a simple, meditative, unplugged kind of way.  Prayer and Communion.  And we'd prayed over our neighbourhood; the neighbourhood that included these geese. 

I remember having to come to something of a sudden and unexpected stop, while the traffic ahead made space for our Canadian mascots.  I glanced in my rear view mirror to see who might be behind me, but the vehicle was significantly far back and I returned my focus to the road ahead, counting the long string of geese who had stopped traffic on both sides.

Then.  Bang!  My head is flung back into the head rest behind me, and I feel it hid hard.  My van is heading directly into the van ahead of me, and I steer, with brakes still applied, into the left turn lane, avoiding my own rear end collision, and ending up on the center median where I again come to a stop.

Oh.  Stillness.  What?

Steve from Newfoundland, thank you.  He had been coming in the other direction and was in no way involved in the accident, but he stopped to make sure I was okay, checked on the driver of the other vehicle, an SUV, than called police to the scene.  He had been in a rear end collision himself a while back, and advised me to remain in the van and keep my neck and shoulders still until the police came.  When he called 911, they asked if I wanted an ambulance and I said no.  I wasn't in any significant pain, really.  Just felt 'scrunchy', kind of tingly in my neck and shoulders. 

The woman in the van ahead of me pulled over too.  Again, she wasn't directly involved but wanted to make sure I was okay, and to thank me for not hitting her.  

I called Ken.  Then it was about an hour of talking with police, writing out my statement, Ken emptying out the van which was totalled.  Couldn't even open the passenger side doors, either the front or the sliding door.  Could barely even open the driver's side door.  Later Ken would discover than even the mechanism that adjusts the seat was jammed.  A bluetooth device that was clipped to the visor ended up way at the back of the van.  According to the testimony of the other driver, she hadn't slowed down at all and hit me going about 60 k/h.  Like I said.  Bang!

I had said no to the ambulance, but now I was feeling more and more like I should been seen by a doctor.  The sensations in my neck and head, while still not what I would call pain, were increasing.  Hot.  I could feel my pulse strongly all along my upper spine.  I was getting a sort of headache that felt like I was wearing a tight hat, only I wasn't.

It took the rest of the afternoon to be seen by the emerg doctor who said the word "whiplash" and gave me advise as to how to handle the next few days of significant pain.  As it hadn't set in yet, and since I'd skipped lunch - kinda busy - we stopped at Swiss Chalet for supper.

I am taking the whiplash seriously.  I know it can lead to significant issues if not treated properly.  I've already made calls to adjust next week's schedule, and made appointments for follow up medical care.  I'm icing and getting up every hour to gently move and slowly stretch the muscles that are destined for spasms.  I'm staying on top of the pain medication.  And I'm not looking forward to the pain that's been predicted.

But mostly?  Honestly?  I'm just very grateful. 

Before they towed it away, I asked Ken to take this picture of the van.  Because I had stayed fairly immobile in the driver's seat, and then had been helped to Ken's car for the rest of the wait, I never did get out of the vehicle and look at it for myself.  When he brought the picture back to me, and I saw the extent of the damages, I was surprised.  And sobered.  Something way more serious could have happened today.  The van is a wreck, but I am, for all intents and purposes, intact.  The impact was severe, my injuries, by comparison are minor. At least so far as I can tell right now.

People get hurt every day, sometimes seriously.  Sometimes permanently.  Today, that could have been me, but it wasn't. 

Earlier today, with my community, we had prayed for the neighbourhood.  We'd prayed for the safety of those traveling over the summer.  We'd committed our lives again into the care of the Father who is sovereign and loving and who for reasons we don't dare try to explain sometimes allows unspeakable damage to be done to bodies and lives.  I know.  Jesus said it.  "In this world you will have trouble."  But not today, not for me, or for the other driver.  Not today.

And the geese are safe and I am safe.

Oh Father...thank you.

Best in 39

Ken and I arrived safely home this evening, having spent one last perfect day, slowly packing, sitting together on the deck, going for my swim (Ken spots me in the red canoe), last bits of laundry and cleaning, and enjoying the great gift that is our time away in this particular place.

For me it was a total of 37 days (with just a quick visit back for a very special wedding on July 14).  That was a good, long time.

I realize how blessed I am to have both this place, and this time away, longer than most have for holidays.  I do not, for a minute, take any of it for granted, and am deeply and ponderously grateful.

The time allows some freedoms for my mind and spirit that are not possible during my regular, abundant and responsible life at home.  To have such an extended time for meditations and rest and reading and prayer and writing it all out, longhand, in a beautiful butterfly journey (birthday gift from Kim); to sit inside the sky, it seems, and hear Him tell me that the expanse of it is how much He loves me, and to weep for the knowing of it; to laugh -- probably more than I've laughed in the past 13 years all put together.  To.....be.

But I'm ready to be back.  Looking forward to Saturday morning time with Abby and Zach, some unpacking, and sharing in a graduation celebration for two pretty spectacular people later in the afternoon.  Looking forward, oh so much, to being back at Highview on Sunday, with that family of faith who is so incredibly loyal and gracious to me.  I don't deserve them.  Can't wait to worship together.

This was my 39th year at our cottage.

I visited first as a just-turned-16-year-old who was invited to spend the week at her boyfriend's cottage with his family.  That was....a long time ago :).  And I fell in love with the place then.  I've been enjoying time at the cottage every year since then.  And every year has it's treasures, it's memories. We got married, brought the children, they grew up having summers there.  And now, as empty-nesters, sort of.  The cottage has been a holy place for a long, long time.

But, I'm thinking, this year?..... with the weather and the timing and the comings and goings, and the time spent just with that same boyfriend-turned-husband.....this year?  It was the best yet.