Body, Mind and Soul: Return Part 3 - Soul

That's the order I come back.  Like that.  Body, mind and soul.

Day 5.

I am finding the happy task of decorating for Christmas to be particularly soulish this year.

Mostly I think this is because I had to skip a season last December when we were still in transition between homes.  It was truly cozy and amazing to have a warm bed and a few familiar Christmas reminders placed gently in the room our son David so beautifully provided for us then.  And...the majority of what counts as Christmas decor, and all that such things represent in terms of provoking tradition and liturgy, was all packed away and lonely in the most bottom corners of the storage unit we had to rent for the duration.  

This year, this first week back, I have been finding such quiet joy in opening boxes, holding up treasured items, and deciding where best they might be placed to enhance our Advent meditations.  And having the opportunity to do this while still reorienting and processing and coaxing my soul back to this side of the planet has somehow added to the hush of it.

I decorate early.  Well, depending on whom you ask.  But early enough.  I am not trying to rush Christmas or push a consumeristic agenda, not at all.  Instead, I find that if I can set up the environment of beautiful, holy waiting sooner than later, I can lessen the stress that inevitably sneaks up on me as the season becomes more robust.  

O Come, O Come Emmanuel.  Come, soul of mine, and be fully here for it.  At least, as fully as I can ever be, living between two loves like I do.  Which is ironic, because...  I wonder if that's how Jesus felt?  Between two worlds like this.

The Christmas decorating isn't quite done yet.  Today I hope to finish.  There does come a time, after all, when all the disruption of the boxes everywhere isn't exciting any more and you just want to clear it away and put on the kettle, and light a candle, and eat Christmas crackle ice cream, and watch the Muppets Christmas Carol.  

It's been a very good first week back.  Yes.  In spite of a heavier dose of jet lag than usual, likely because I couldn't sleep much on the plane on the ride home, or because I also caught a little cold somewhere along the way.  Yes, it's been a very lovely first week back, between two loves, between two homes.  

Grateful.

 

Body, Mind and Soul: Return Part 2 - Mind

Not sure if I can say my mind has arrived yet or not.

It's that whole thing that I come back in three parts, body, mind and soul, and in that order.  My body arrived Saturday night (November 15), but the rest of me...

I waited until today, approaching 72 hours in this time zone, to see if I could claim any measure of mental acuity at this point.  But it's dubious.  On the one hand, today I was able to do some decent work on the Advent sermon I am excited to preach at Highview on December 7th, feeling well within my preferred prep time frames, and invigorated by the study of it.

But just as I was feeling all good about that, someone had to inform me that I was double booking some meetings for the first week in December, something I was all glad to be proactive about yesterday, but clearly not thinking straight enough to do such complicated scheduling maneuvers as that.  Fortunately for me, and everyone else involved, the one who let me know is on both lists for both meetings, so they noticed.  Otherwise I might have been swept into that wretched vortex of sending out all the extra emails that end up causing more confusion than clarity...which, come to think of it, might be happening anyways.  I don't know.  I'll check my inbox when I'm done here.  

It's like that though.  Waking up and thinking about the thing you need to do to get ready for evening worship Bible Lessons, then realizing you're already home.  Sitting down at the computer first thing in the morning when usually you're all alert and productive, only to find you are deft of any ability to concentrate whatsoever, and have to do that mindless bit of unpacking and sorting instead.  Realizing all the exciting things you wrote down on your list for this week while still on the plane ride home will indeed need to submit to the reminder at the top that says, "JET LAG WEEK - GO EASY."  The spirit is more than willing but the brain cells are pooched.  

So while I wait for my mind to get all the way back, I'll sit in this in between space grateful for all I am blessed with, go for a walk, clean up the fall stuff from the porch and back fence, and see if I can get Ken to bring up some Christmas stuff from the crawl space.  I'm excited for that too.  First time decorating our new little house for Christmas!!!!!  We'll have to take it in stages, though.  Ken's (rightfully) nervous that I'll get all the boxes opened and spread out, then hit a wall and have to leave a mess.  And not just for one day.   He's not wrong to be worried about that.  Because that's exactly how it can go.

I'll take pictures.  Not of the mess.  But when it's done.  

And maybe, by then, I'll be able to tell how I'm feeling.

 

Body, Mind and Soul: Return Part 1 - Body

Sunrise at Hot Springs

Physically, I am back in Canada.  I think.  Can't be sure because, in reality, my mind is lagging by at least three days, and I won't know much for sure until it arrives.  My soul, well...that will take a bit longer.

It always happens this way, and I'm okay with that by now.  I think.  I'm not sure actually, since my mind and my soul...wait, I already said that.

Right at the moment what I do know is that our whole Team is very grateful for all the prayers for a 'boring' trip, both there and back.  All our transfers, and even the coordinated pick ups at the airport by three different drivers, went very smoothly.  All our luggage arrived with us.  And we all got to our respective beds and had a decent sleep last night.

Goodbye at Chiang Mai airport

I have already emptied both suitcases, although there is a lot of sorting still to do to make the Sponsors and Supporters packets ready.  Still to do is map out my list for the week, with the realistic-expectations reminder note, "JET LAG WEEK - GO EASY," written in all caps just like that across the top, as a reminder.

Physically, I must say, at the risk of repeating myself but I don't care, how incredibly grateful I am for how well I feel, for the totally-free-from-any-diverticulitis-symptoms healing, plus the back-to-normal energy levels I have experienced throughout this whole trip.  Honestly, answered prayer in spades, and again, thanks to all those who so beautifully and supportive interceded for me in this regard.  

So, this morning.  I'm back.  My body is at least.  And I am so looking forward to worshiping at Highview this morning.  

Sorry to Sponsors and Supporters though.  Your packets will have to wait until next week.  Only got back to the house at 10:30 p.m. last night.  But...when you see all the treasures your kids have created for you...it will be worth the wait.  

Led by Love

"Become the kind of leader that people

would follow voluntarily,

even if you had no title or position."

Brian Tracy

I realized the other day that it's been a full twenty years, as of October 31st to be precise, that I stepped into a new intensity of leadership.  

I guess it could be said that I've been leading things since I was 16, when I took on my first Sunday School class.  I've had lots of opportunities given me as I moved into my twenties, and on into other adult roles, where it was my job to organize and inspire a group of folks to get something done.  I was intentionally mentored in these various roles, and am eternally grateful for all that has been poured into me, especially the "risks" taken by the men who were at the time my only role models at a time when cross gender mentoring was frowned upon.  Thank you, all of you.

So, leadership, doing it well, thinking it through, living it out had been part of my experience for decades already.

But it wasn't until I was asked to accept a solo pastor role, something I actually had never aspired to by the way, that I felt the full weight of leadership press upon my spirit.  During that time I read all the books, went to all the seminars, watched all the You Tube videos, took all the courses.  I needed and wanted to learn how to be the best leader I could possibly be, and applied all the energy of my Type A perfectionist temperament, and my at-the-time raging insecurities to the task.

Not long into that era of my life, only three years later, the Lord, by His great grace and lavish love, allowed me the unbelievable honour of partnering with two of His servants half way around the world, who would ultimately shape my leadership in ways nothing from my own culture could.

In fact, it was being upended and disoriented by culture shock in those first few visits to Hot Springs that forced me to learn leadership all over again.  But now/again, from the perspective of the learner, the follower.  I was in 'totally-other' territory, completely incapacitated by a language and customs I didn't understand.  And it was the best thing to ever happen to me.  If for no other reason than it soon crucified any notions that I was there to messiah anything.  There's something about having your heart dismantled that knocks the better part of any white saviour complex right out of you.  (I say 'the better part' because that insidious stuff tends to cling inside a soul, requiring frequent visits to the humility department, just saying.)

2008

I have learned so much about leadership by observing, following, listening to, imitating two of the most spectacular human beings ever placed on the planet:  Ajahn Suradet and Ajahn Yupa.   These are their formal titles, and I use them with respect.  But the truth is, I would gladly follow their lead voluntarily, not because of titles, or dynamic personalities, or impressive curriculum vitae, but just because of who they are and how they love.

A lot of western leadership books don't usually talk about love.  It can be more about strategy, and making hard decisions, and gathering the 'right' people around you, and being tough. and 'having what it takes' (whatever that means).  And most of that, yes, are bits of it.  (Some of the literature now, the understanding of it now, is indeed leaning more the the 'soft skills' of leadership.  And yay for that.)

But if you don't love the people God's given you to lead, then, really, what are you?  A boss maybe.  A manager maybe.  A chief or senior something maybe.  Maybe even a teacher, which is fine.  But a leader?

Here, I have been loved well and then, by default, led well.   And, in turn, I have sought to be ever increasing in my capacity to love, and let the Spirit lay down whatever leadership comes from that.  I can only hope it's made a difference somewhere to someone.

And this is how I've been led by love.  This is what I have been given as a by product of the astounding partnership God has forged here.  I am not, and will never be the same.  

 =====

I make no apology for gushing sentiments.  It would be utterly wrong for me not to acknowledge this great debt of gratitude I will never be able to repay.

Forming a Theology of Care

"Look at the birds of the air;

they do not sow or reap or stow away in barns,

and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them.

Are you not much more valuable than they?"

Matthew 6:26

Our little Da is small and spunky.  Even though she speaks in the typical soft volume of many Thai girls, she's actually not afraid to ask questions, let you know what she's thinking, and even advocate for herself when need be.  (Way to go, girlfriend!)

She and I have had many lovely little conversations, and she's ever so patient when I have to ask her to speak a little slowly, which is often because she's in a hurry to tell me 'all the things' much of the time.

On Friday of last week, she had a mishap at school when a chair came down on her foot.  This required a quick trip to the hospital for x-rays.  No broken bones, but some significant bruising and some bandaging for an abrasion.  She limped fairly obviously over the weekend, even with the pain relief the doctor prescribed.

But last night, while we were returning from evening worship, she wanted to hold my hand coming up the walk.  And while we walked she told me, "Ahjahn Ruth.  My foot has no more pain."  And then added simply,  "God has helped me."

Pause.

I know it is important to guard against confusing magical thinking with what we believe and teach about how God interacts with us.  A theology that is faithful to the whole of Scripture will honestly understand that God does not always behave in the way we might want Him to.  He is not manipulated by us.  He is God, we are not.  And sometimes, when we ask for healing, just as an example, He has other plans.

And.

On Friday, the day the accident happened, at evening worship we prayed for Da's foot to soon be pain free.  

For this little one in particular, who has seen violent things no child, no person of any age for that matter, should have seen, who has known trauma and terror and abandonment...for this child to begin to understand that there is indeed a loving Father Who is interested in the details of her life, Who cares when her foot hurts, and Who can and does intervene on her behalf....for her to be starting her own formation of a theology of His care for her....well....it doesn't get much better than this.

We can't begin to imagine the depth of healing our children here require.  And none us, humanly, can make it happen.  But we can provide an environment of safety and love and joy and hope.  And hold little hands and listen to little voices beginning their own spiritual journeys into stronger, more beautiful futures.  And allow the Spirit to work miracles in deep places.

Have I mentioned lately that I am astonished beyond anything I could have ever imagined for myself, just to be here, doing this?  

All The Benefits, O My Soul

"Praise the LORD, O my soul,

all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

Praise the LORD, O my soul,

and forget not all his benefits."

Psalm 103:1-2

David's praise, combined with Suradet's meditation on this text this morning, layered over with today's sunrise can't help but set up this day to be all glorious and such.

Is it Thursday already?  Well, it is here at least.  And this first week is truly in a hurry because it feels like we just got here.  

And.

Jet lag is leaving us more and more alone, appetites are healthy (of course because, Yupa's food...), and we will begin our group work with the children today after school.  I am unspeakably grateful for the strength and stamina and health I'm experiencing given how 'dicey' things could have been with a flare up of my GI issues happening at the beginning of this month.

We've been off site to a very few local little outings this week already, so all of us are very happy to just stay put today and make sure we are really ready for the English lessons.   

I confess, I discovered yesterday, with the help of one of our older girls, that my sermon might not be as ready for Sunday as I would have hoped.  This after literally months of preparation for two sermons I had hoped to share in Thai with the dear people here.  Sigh.

I'll have Yupa help me more today, so we'll see.  

It's always humbling to realize how limited I am, but how much God sustains.  

If ever there was an issue that the Spirit keeps bringing to my attention about my ministry here, it's this.  What I bring to the table is so very small.  How He multiplies it is totally His call.

 

Almost Time to Go

Quietly ready.

All bags are sorted and weighed, following a very smooth packing meeting with the Team last night. My personal bags are now by the door.  Everything I need to be comfortable while we travel is in place. Snacks are tucked in my purse.  We are all checked in and I even printed off the boarding passes.  I know exactly where my passport is.  I am hydrated and moisturized against the long dry air of the airplane.  I know where my lip balm is.  

All the things are checked off the list.  

I even got a out for a very quick walk around the block this afternoon, and then a short but lovely nap.  

I'm excited.  Can't wait to see my Thai beloveds again.  Looking forward to spending time with this spectacular Team.  It will be fun to see Esther.  Curious to see what God has in store for us.  

And loving this sweet spot of cozy and relaxed right now.

And.

Stay tuned for all the airport pictures and updates.

Here we go!

Our flight takes off at 1:45 a.m. Saturday morning.  That means we will be heading to the airport around 8 p.m., allowing for LOTS of time to maneuver traffic, get checked in, get through security, and perhaps have a little something to eat or drink while we wait at the gate.

All there is to do now is be in this quiet space for a warm, nourishing supper, and maybe, because we can, sneak in one more episode of Star Trek: TOS, our current viewing choice these fall evenings.  A little Friday night date just before I go.