The Blue Spiral Notebook

I am home. And among the many welcome back surprises (including about 50 balloons from Abby!), there was in the mail a package from a man named Mark who found my notebook and sent it back to me.

This was an item of absolutely NO monetary value whatsoever, but of extreme importance to me. It was stuffed full with notes and journal entries, pictures, lists, letters and ideas, all concerning Hot Springs and the family Highview sponsors in Thailand. It contained notes collected not just for this trip, but from all of last trip as well. Items our Sponsor Jen Connor and I had sat down together to list. Ideas for what I should bring home for the Christmas Bazaar. Pictures the kids themselves had drawn for me. Addresses, letters in Thai, candy wrappers of grave significance...all that sort of thing.

I had carelessly left my blue spiral notebook behind in the pocket of my plane seat on the very first leg of my journey to Thailand this month. I last had it on March 8th, having pulled it out of my backpack for a thorough going over during the first, five hour ride. The gentleman beside me was chatty, however, and I never did open it. When the time came to pack up and get off the plane, I managed to gather up everything else, but not the notebook.

How I failed to check that seat pocket and leave all that priceless information behind is still something I just have to choose to forgive myself for. When I realized it was gone, I allowed myself about 5 minutes of abject grief. And then I gave it to God.

The notebook is His after all. I gave it to Him about a thousand times, every time I've sung one of those dangerous surrender songs in church. Everything I own is His. So....He just gently reminded me, that the notebook...wasn't mine. Throughout the rest of my trip, I kept trying to remember what was in there....and got myself a new notebook in Chiang Mai to start over with the lists.

So what an amazing surprise to find my blue spiral notebook in my mailbox today, my first day back!!!

The guy who sent it back included a note. He'd found it, he'd said, and it seemed important. So he sent it back to me. He would have had to dig around a bit for my address, and it cost him about $7.00 in postage. I am so incredibly grateful for his courtesy and kindness. And how God can use a stranger to remind on of His forgetful children, that even though everything is His, He still cares for the details.


I will try to unpack slowly this week. Not just my suitcases, but my soul as well. There were SO MANY gifts for me this year, so many deep, important learnings, that I believe not only have helped me in my own spiritual journey toward God, but will help form and direct our delightful and amazing partnership with Suradet and Yupa as we move forward together.

I am overwhelmed with the bigness and the smallness of a God who sees how to bring together two churches from exactly the opposite sides of the world...something so grand and broad, AND who can put just the right person in the same seat I had the flight before, to send something home that I really, really hated losing....something so small in "insignificant".

Caught Between Two Worlds

It's not a bad place to be. I'm starting to pack, both my suitcases and my heart, in preparation for tomorrow's long ride home. Calling to confirm the flight, checking off lists to make sure I have all the Sponsors' letters, thinking through what I can leave behind in the bin I now leave here for storage of personal and future Team needs.

But thinking about home and being here still, it's like being caught between two very different worlds. Which isn't a bad place to be.

I feel a deep sense of having cooperated with God in His purposes for this trip. I have succeeded, to the best of my ability, to convey our love and support to Hot Springs. The Sponsors' packets are always a big hit, and I'm still seeing yo yos and balloons and stickers. I'm pretty sure the candy is gone by now:). The video taken by Megan of various Highviewers saying Hi, was a HUGE hit.

Every time I can, with the little Thai I know, and as often as possible through an interprter, I tell them. There is a whole church of people in Canada who love you and pray for you and want God's best for you.

I've observed the improvements in the basic standard of living, improvements brought by the combined efforts of Highview, a generous couple named Doug and Laurie Schinkle of Guelph, and the indirect but significant contribution from the Korean Methodist Church. But mostly, the improvements are due to the faithfulness and diligence of Suradet and Yupa and the children themselves. They have worked hard to maximize the potential of this property. They raise fish, frogs and chickens for food. The garden is amazing. There are mature mango, papaya and banana trees here. And it's all being utlized as a means of feeding and training the children. I can bring back a thorough report to the Elders, and send my commendations to Asia's Hope.

So I've done and seen all that. Plus I've let God speak and move, do damage and then healing in my heart. So much so that it will take more blogs, more private journalling, more talking with soul friends, to fully explore it all. But I have no sense of urgency, no pressure points. Just a very large understanding of the rightness of my being here right now for this time.

So in this in between time, as I sit in the shade of the morning, ready to leave for an event at another church (I think), the sounds of Hot Springs - clucking hens, tree frogs, exotic birds, Thai voices, chopping from the outdoor kitchen, cars along the road - I happily BE in this between space for now.

God is so good.
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Shaken, Not Stirred

Yes, I felt it. Two tremors last night our time. One about 9:30ish and one 11:30ish.

Since the earthquake that hit the Thai border is already in the Canadian news, I thought I'd better let everyone know that we are all fine, all buildings intact here.

Well, never done THAT before :). Only three days left. Wonder what other adventures God has in store?
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A Pastor's Spiritual Retreat

I've looked at the ads. "Renew Your Ministry By Renewing Your Soul". "The Art of Self Leading". "The Pastor's Heart". All promise, and no doubt provide, a time and space for weary pastors to recharge those ever-ready batteries that sometimes aren't so ready.

I've thought about trying something like that out. Especially on days when I'm feeling particularly ministered-out and think that, yes, it would be nice to be ministered to in that way.

But then I remember Thailand. The sweet gentleness and humility of the people. The slower pace of life, at least here in the rural north. The deep spirituality of believers here. Their astonishing prayer life, their enthusiastic worship, their persistant praise.

I remember how well cared for I am when I'm here, how the potent combination of cultural practice and profound gratitude provide me a position of priority I dare not abuse or take for granted. Instead I find within this place of being esteemed, a choice to practice my own humility; a humility of gratefully accepting and allowing myself to be served.

Within this particular kind of renewal, I find my ears more open to the voice of God. His whispers come at any time. Watching Him paint a sunrise across the tips of mountains. Hearing Him soak up the delight of childrens strong voices singing. Glancing back to the crowded happy passengers in the back of the truck. Lying in my bed, lights out, having just said, both in English and Thai, "Goodnight, I love you" to the girls sleeping with me that night, and hearing them respond, both in Thai and English, "Love you too!". And God's enormous love washes over me, and I hope the girls can't tell I'm crying.

To renew this Pastor's heart I only need to be allowed to fly away to the other side of the world for a while. Just to BE here, in this land so strange and so familiar all at the same time.

I am heading into my last days here. There is most certainly an eager anticipation to be near to those I love at home. And a readiness to re-engage with the abundant life God has graciously given me in my home land of Canada. But for these next few days, I will just BE. And I will pay attention.
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Laugh Attack

Probably the singularly most disturbing reality of South East Asia are the children with vacant eyes. You will see them in lots of places, along the street, at the night market, and if you go into the villages where most of Asia's Hope children come from, they're there too.

Beyond the usual outward appearances associated with poverty - filthy clothes, lice-ridden hair, evidence of malnutrition - a child that doesn't smile, barely responds, seems to have bought out of life and living, is heartbreaking to encounter. These kids are everywhere here.

But not at Hot Springs.

Meet Bee-yung. He's one of the newer kids at Hot Springs, arriving there in 2009. He's Saiy's little brother. And he has eyes that are full of life and mischief.

He has a talent for producing this outrageous laugh that just over the top enough to let everyone know he's faking, but hilarious and sweet-spirited enough to make it almost impossible not to laugh too. He demonstrated his laugh attack for me and I was able to tape it.




Silly, right? And fun.

But as I was watching some of the footage I've captured this visit I watched this one a few times. Something hit me that made this much more than just cute or funny. Bee-yung is laughing. Even outside of his silly fake laugh, this guy is a happy guy. He engages well, makes strong eye contact, smiles readily, and laughs for real -- all the time.

Without the love and support of his Sponsor, Marianne Hillier, without Highview's all-church love for our Hot Springs kids, without Asia's Hope, without Suradet and Yupa's astonishing compassion, this young man could also have vacant eyes instead.

I am not sure we fully grasp exactly what these kids have been rescued from. We focus, and rightly so, on their healthy present realities and the future possibilities for each of them. But if I allow myself a quick glance over my shoulder to what was happening just before each of these amazing kids arrived at Hot Springs, I gain a fuller picture of the contrast. My heart does a double take. The difference between what was and what should have been, and what is and what now can be, is enormous! Every time I'm here I think I understand just a bit more and bit deeper exactly what the impact of our partnership with Suradet and Yupa is accomplishing.

I am finishing up a short stay in Chiang Mai, heading back to Hot Springs this evening. And while I have truly delighted in Debbie's company and enjoyed doing a bit of city shopping (mostly fun art supplies and such for the kids), I find myself looking forward to the quieter, simpler life of a more rural Thailand...the life of our family .... who laughs a lot.

Safe and Well

While my thoughts and prayers are certainly with Japan, we are not in any way affected here. Just wanted you to know. Thanks for the emails of concern and prayer.

Another day dawns. Plans are to go to a mountain church where Suradet is friends with the pastor, for a Saturday worship. Everyone's invited!! Can't wait.

Moment of astounding beauty this morning at our own sunrise worship. Simple guitar, three part harmony, two languages, I Surrender All.

We also sang Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing and I was able to tell Saiy that this was one of her Sponsor Derek's favourite. :)

Breakfast is soon. Good thing because while the jet lag has been minimal, I still find myself STARVING at the oddest times.
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Jeeg-Saaw

That thoughtful rooster always makes sure I get up in time for morning worship by 5:30. Not that it was a problem this morning. Jet lag hs been minimal but I'm still not completely flipped over the 12 hour difference and was up by 4. Spent some time chasing a goodly sized cricket out of my room (No wonder they eat those things! You should see the meat on those hind legs!!) and made my way over to the chapel.

Watching the sun rise while surrounded by the voices of Thai children praising God is one of those "something of Heaven touches earth" moments for me. We read through Prov 11 (same at today's date) and I was able to follow fairly well.

After breakfast the older kids spent two long and lazy hours with me doing a puzzle (in Thai - jeeg saaw) Jen Connor got for me to bring. It depicts a cottage sunset on still waters, and I played Steve Bell's Shepherd of Life and explained, I hope, how it all connects based on Psalm 23. And we just hung out (I'd say we chilled but that would be a lie because today was hotter) and I enjoyed the simplicity of just "being" and loving on the kids, listening to their happy chatter and learning more about them.

There was a point today when I was feeling some dismay at how much Thai I seemed to have forgotten. I was blaming it on my Hebrew course last fall. But then, after the jet lag and heat put me out for two hours, I woke up with a fresher brain and was understanding more and able to talk a bit more. So maybe I don't have quite as much to relearn as I thought.

Saw the frogs and fish and garden today. All these are expanded projects by which Suradet and Yupa utilize all the resources and the gifting God has given them in order to be as self sufficient as possible. The food gained from this feeds the family. What this communicates in terms of the work ethic and value system in play here is huge to me.

Highview has been beautifully connected with people of great integrity, gratitude and industry in our partnership with Suradet and Yupa. AND they are passing these skills and values down to our children, who not only eat the food grown on the property, but help with the related tasks as well.

I will see if tomorrow I can figure out how to send a picture from the blackberry.

Well then. 9 pm here and I'm thinking I could fall asleep (lap) quite nicely about now.

Think I will.

By the way, this is NOT roughing it!!! Especially this year so far. Feeling like I've grown out of the culture shock. Only took five times!
;)

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Dee Jai!

It's the way to say that you're happy to see someone, but it literally translates "Happy in my heart". And that's what I am.

Big blessing/surprise that all the kids were there to meet me at the airport. I was so not expecting that give the late arrival. However - and there's the great news! - school's out! Yes! So already we've been planning the outings. I think we will just have to do the waterfall again.

So...tomorrow is some shopping for supplies, a visit to the prison because they'd planned on that already, and then out to Hot Springs!!!

But now...I really do need to sleep.

Um.....Where's My Blue Notebook?

The long flight is over, and it wasn't so bad. I'm not sure if I'm getting more used to flying or I just know better what to wear and how to pack a carry on, but I'm not finding the actual trip to be nearly as gruelling as that first time in January of 2008. Plus, so far, I'm really liking this new route and airline. Except....I think we flew back over Toronto from Atlanta and got here by flying over the north pole!!! That's sure what it looked like from the map on the screen in the plane.

Didn't do nearly the kind of work or amount of work I thought I would. Perhaps being up now for more than 24 hours has something to do with it. Didn't sleep too much, just dozing on and off. But I feel really good, really relaxed, AND feeling the excitement at the same time.

I had a set back though. The small blue spiral bound note book that I started on our trip last May and added to in preparation for this trip, got left in the first plane. It's one of those 'no monetary value but HUGE personal value' kind of items. It has the words to Come Now Is The Time To Worship in Thai all written out, all the names of the children written out in Thai, lots of pictures and other smaller pieces of paper collected from last trip, a list of everything I left in the bin at Hot Springs, my lists for this trip...oh my.

I've already connected with Ken and he's chasing it down for me to see if they can send it home again. If they do, I still won't have it for this trip, but at least I'll have it.

Even so, I'm quite surprised at myself for how quickly and easily I'm letting it go. Maybe I'm getting better at the control thing? Maybe it's just put in a different perspective when you've spent the last 24 hours clutching your passport and boarding pass, keeping your purse strapped to you at all times and never letting your packback out of your sight. When I think of any other item I may have left behind in my sleep-deprived stupor, I'm really okay if it was my "Master Type A Notebook".

Want to write more but we'll be boarding soon.

I'll connect again when I get there.

Okay little Thai dek dek....I'm almost there.

So Far So Good

I've chosen a new route for my trek to the other side of the world. Toronto to Atlanta. Atlanta to Seol. Seol to Chiang Mai.

So far, as I sit in Atlanta's beautiful and well laid out airport, I'm thinking I like this a lot. Shorter layovers in nicer air ports works for me. Just finished a yogurt protein smoothie. Getting myself psyched for 15 hours in the air.

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On My Way!

Cuddling with Abby this last evening at home. Packing is all but done. Running around is over. Just not sure my new shoes are going to be comfortable enough for all that walking!!!! Do - have enough gum? How is it possible that I am allowed to do this again?

These are my random musings tonight.

I'll be leaving the house at 2:45 am Tuesday morning and due to arrive in Chiang Mai on Wednesday around 11 am Ontario time.

I will do my best to keep posting along the way.

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Restless

I've got to start packing for real so I can stop packing in my head.

That's the preoccupation of it, I think; this over and over again sorting out of items and ideas to prepare for my fifth visit to the other side of the world. Can't forget my extra pair of glasses. Make sure to bring all the cords for the cameras. Pick up the malaria medicine..... I know the routine now, but it still takes a fair bit of coordination. I think that if I just haul down the suitcases and start throwing it all in, I might gain back a bit of room in my brain. There is, after all, a sermon to preach on Sunday, tasks to delegate for my absence, details to be sure are covered while I'm gone. Gets crowded in my head. So if I just started to actually pack, perhaps I'd have more mental real estate available.

Or maybe not. Maybe it's just part of the experience, part of the deal, when you head off for that other life God has given you. That other place where your heart feels at home in a "I'm so NOT at home" kind of way. The worlds are so different. Especially right now. Cold and dry compared to hot and humid. English compared to Thai. The place smells completely different, wild and wonderful - most of the time - and completely, completely different from here.

It's still remarkable to me that Asia has made room for me at all, really. Why would this more than middle aged white woman from Canada be welcomed as part of a young Thai family? How weird is that?

And maybe that's why I'm restless. Between two worlds, weirdly so. Amazing. When Jesus said he had come to give life abundantly, who knew it could be abundant times two?