Open Letter to the Incredible People of Highview

December 2013 

Dearest Friends,

What is it about Christmas that deepens my affections for each one of you?

Maybe it’s the sweetness of the season as expressed to one another in cards and gifts and Christmas hugs, and just how the place looks so warm and fabulous this time of year.

Could be the love and sweat poured into preparing for Let It Be Christmas, now in its sixth season, and how this has become a kind of portal between the astonishing story of the Nativity and so many who don’t know Him in our city.

Maybe it’s how we’ve let our hearts grow bigger for God in reaching out to God-cherished people in our own backyard this year, and the way this is playing out in not-at-all-random acts of compassion over the holidays.  Perhaps it’s the stories of how families and individuals at Highview have opened their homes and their hearts to welcome those in need, living out the radical truths of Isaiah 58 and Matthew 25 in quiet, unassuming ways.

Or how quickly we were able to get the funds to get a stove for Yupa for Christmas.

I know for sure our shared losses this year are making this a bitter-sweet Christmas for me.  While we celebrate and wonder at what it would be like to be “Home for Christmas” in Heaven, we grieve deeply with the families of Dale Brown, George Duff, and Jonathan Webb; for them and for our own sense of painful separation from these we loved.  Grief-pain has a way of deepening everything, including our bonds with one another.

Whatever is it I know it is deep and profound and makes me grateful for you in ways I find poorly articulated in these far-less-than-adequate words.

I can only hope that in some way I could be found worthy of being part of this uniquely beautiful and gifted and Spirit-filled and generous community of grace called Highview Community Church. 

So, this Christmas, I pray God’s deepest peace be brought to your deepest longing; His brightest light to shine on your darkest path, and His abundant grace to cover your most desperate need. 

Whatever God brings to us in 2014, it’s ours to do together. 

With affection that grows deeper all the time,

Ruth Anne  

                                                                  

 Here is the man whose name is the Branch,

And he will branch out from his place and build the temple of the Lord.

Zechariah 6:12

You also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house

to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices

acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.

1 Peter 2:5

Godscapes

http://highviewtothailand.blogspot.ca/2013/10/the-delight-of-ordinary-saturday.html


Back from Thailand.

Body.  Mind.  Soul.  That's the order.

So I should clarify.  My body is back.  My mind is almost here.  My soul....that will take some time.

It used to unsettle me, this gradual return.  Feels like I'm in two places at once, a kind of jet-lag of the heart.  Can't stop the translator in my head.  Feeling cold, and way too dry.  Enjoying Western comforts but missing Eastern simplicities.  Hungry for rice and Yupa's cooking.  Sort of a misty in-between.  Wake up in orientation mode.  Glad to be home, but full of longings.

Now I just let it happen.  Soon enough the whole of me will be here again.  Just takes time.

I've not been off line.  The link above will take you to one of many posts in the Highview to Thailand blog we set up several trips ago.  That's a report kind of blog.  It's here I'll do some unpacking.  It helps my soul get home.

Here are some random shots to get me started.

Kratae, Bouy and Da, silly and happy.

Thim who's off to university and taller than me!

Eg whose smile is completely enchanting.

Frogs, seasoned and gutted on display at the market.

The butcher from whom we bought our pork for the pig roast.

Yupa and her Mom who runs a noodle shop out of her home in her small village, close to Hot Springs.

Fun time at the pig roast.  A special party night!

The boy's table is a happening place!

A bag of corn puff-like treats.  With 19 children you buy stuff in bulk!

Someone who landed for a quick visit on the dining room table.  In Thai the word for butterfly translates literally as "ghost shirt".

Yupa's barely functioning stove that we'll try to replace for Christmas.  Some of the best Thai food on the planet comes from this kitchen!

Sending off the older ones to school.  L to R Boy, Apple, Miki, Fruk, Me, Somchai.  Hard to believe Somchai was up to my shoulders when I first met him 5 years ago.

Just one of Yupa's many amazing orchids.  

Suradet heading over to hang up laundry.  A little out of a traditional Thai role, but this couple is hardly conventional to begin with.   Everyone pitches in wherever needed.  

And so I sort out the pictures as I sort out myself.

Even so.  This has probably been the best return ever.  Easiest travel, there and back.  Easiest transition home, as gradual as it will be.

Caught of glimpse of God's sovereign complexity and loving simplicity this time.

Hard to describe, but it has to do with the fact that at age 11 I first felt a tug towards SE Asia.  The church I grew up in was very globally-minded, and I was introduced to this part of the world through a visiting missionary.   Turns out I didn't go.  Not then, not even as a young adult, back then.  But 40 years later, when I finally did, it was 'just in time' to hook up with these incredible people called Suradet and Yupa.

Their own story and time line matches perfectly with mine.  Their urgent prayers for help being answered in concert with my own for Highview's direction in Region's Beyond.  Their need being matched with my access to resources.  Their example of radical hospitality lining up with my need for exactly this kind of hero.  Their love providing precisely what this 11 year old so desperately needed.

Perfect timing.  Perfect match.

Sometimes you find yourself involved in something so wild and beautiful it could only be God. 

I have no idea why God has lavished such things upon me.  I only hope to be a worthy steward of such a gift as this.

Tomorrow!!

 In anticipation of tomorrow's take off, I'm posting just a few pictures.  As if I wasn't excited enough!
Can't wait to see my girl Thim, already in university, learning to be an English teacher!

 Here's the whole gang from last March's visit.  My little guy Eg is in the yellow shirt right up front. 

 A quick flash back to when Suradet and Yupa were here in April, making an authentic Thai supper for my family.  So yummy...and so cool to have them in my own home!

Two sides of the world.  One Lord.

Tomorrow.  Plane leaves 12:15 p.m.   Leaving house by 7:30.  Ken's going to drive me to the airport this time.  I'm so ready.  Bags are full of gifts from Sponsors and others who want to send as much love as the baggage allowances permit!

Wondering what God has in mind this time?  Can't wait to find out. 

Anything But A Whim

It's been there since I was eleven and it's never left me.  It's as much a part of me as any earliest childhood memory, any earliest sense of identity, any first sense of calling.  This deep that calls to deep is as much a part of me as is the colour of my skin.  This magnetic pull to Asia is hardly new.

It looks new.  In fact, before our first trip in 2008, I had never been anywhere that required a passport.  I hadn't experienced any culture but my own.  Never been really all that far away from home.  Hawaii doesn't count.  Wonderful place.  Totally western, really, and everywhere it's about the tourists, so.

I think in those in between years, between 11 and 51, my soul forgot about Asia.  Somehow we forgot all about that earliest of callings.  I got busy getting married and having children and watching God unfold a ministry life I honestly never really set out to do.  But there I was, minding my Father's business, more or less, and the unfolding kept unfolding itself all the way back to half way around the world. 

And now?

I think that if you lived in a house for your whole life, and suddenly one day discovered a door you'd never known was there before.  And if you were more curious than you were afraid, and you opened that door.  And if you stepped into a room completely different from the rest of the house, but full of colour and sound and smell and love and wonder.  Then it would probably be like what it's like for me to know and be known by my Thai family.

The ministry there, at Hot Springs, is one that welcomes orphaned children into lives of sustenance and hope and love.  And for some unexplainable reason, it seems I have been adopted too.   And God is unfolding something there for me.  And I have so much more to learn and receive.

So I'm going by myself this fall.  In about four weeks, actually.  From October 22 to November 3.  Just me.  I am so looking forward to going with the Team again next March and for all God would want to do through our ESL Day Camp and any other opportunities to love and serve not just our kids but the neighbourhood around them.  But this trip is just for me. 

I am grateful for how Highview gets it.  How they let me go sometimes by myself like this.  I hope it's because they receive the benefits of a pastor who, bit by bit, understands more of God's whole-earth heart, and brings back something more than she left with. 

From Forever to Forever

As promised....some pictures from the great-gramma surprise.  Four generations of 'Ruth's'.  My Mom, Ruth Elaine; me Ruth Anne; my daughter, Kristyn Ruth, and my granddaughter, Abby Ruth.


And it all just reinforces what I've been meditating on of late.

Praise be to you O LORD
God of our father Israel,
from everlasting to everlasting.
1 Chronicles 29:10

This is only a small piece of a bigger prayer King David prayed at the beginning of something very important for the people of God - the building of the Temple.  And while the broader portion brings rich imagery and lots to ponder, it's this 'everlasting' bit that's caught my attention this morning.

"From forever to forever" is the more literal translation from the Hebrew.  Either way, it's a long time.  A long time to be God.

The eternal nature of God is beyond our understanding as finite beings.  For us, everything has a beginning and everything has an end.  At least in our physical realm.  But spiritually, we have the opportunity to unite ourselves with this Eternal Being.  And when we do, everything changes.  Time itself takes on entirely new dimensions.  What seems so urgent isn't so urgent.  Priorities realign themselves.

Even my own safety, my security, is altered in this timeless reality.  For is God is love and He is for me, then in every circumstance that has come before and every circumstance I will face ahead, and even in this moment, no matter how I'm experiencing it, Eternal God is right here, right 'now'.  And as I remember what has happened before, the hard times especially, but also the joyful, Eternal God was right there, right then.  And as I look ahead, Eternal God will be right there, right then.

I'm a summer girl.  And summer is unofficially over starting tomorrow.  Right now in my daily responsibilities there are some significant adjustments required with some potentially challenging unknowns ahead.  Standing on this particular threshold, I could feel anxious.

But today, at least, I am not.  There is a forever God watching over this entire process called my life.  And bigger than that, everything that seems so enormous and important to me is framed within God's broader plans and purposes.  His forever purposes.

My Mom's 86.  I'm 56.  My daughter's 31.  Abby's 7.  And God is forever watching over us all.  Time dimensions.

A Week of Marking Milestones

Milestone One - 35 Years

Niagara Falls.  Perhaps a bit cliche but it's where Ken and I both wanted to go for a quick getaway to celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary.   August 19, 1978.  Wow.

We couldn't have asked for better weather.  Perfect re-summer weekend (Sunday-Monday) with lots of walking along the Falls and through spectacular Queen Victoria park.  Dinner at Rainforest Cafe (just for the fun of it) on Sunday night.  Tiny bit of shopping for the grandkids, just because.  Bought myself a pair of just-a-bit-of-bling sunglasses for $5.00, and a stylin' straw sunhat because I hadn't thought to bring one with me.

But the best moments didn't have so much to do with where we were or what we were doing as much as it was about what we were saying to each other.  All throughout the weekend our conversation kept coming back to our deep awe and astonished gratitude for God's fierce faithfulness to hold us together and keep us together for three and a half decades.  We recounted the many and varied challenges our marriage has had to contend with.  We remembered out loud several points of parenting, both the happy and not so.   We marveled at outcomes we would never have dreamed possible in the midst of the darkest chapters.  As we walked and sat on benches under trees and beside fountains, we remembered together.  All day.

And we prayed.  That's how we started the day actually, on Monday, the 19th.  We just sat together by the window in our hotel room and spoke out loud with each other our thankfulness and our need for Him to keep on being very God in the midst of us.  Because we can't do these next 35 years without Him.

And we ate chocolate and ice cream, Ken and I respectively :).

Milestone Two - Long Awaited Closure

Tomorrow is the closing date on a piece of family property I have co-owned with another family member for about 25 years.  Before that it belonged to my mother, and before that it belonged to my mother's uncle.  It was lakefront, in the Kawarthas, and adjacent to the cottage property where I spent my childhood summers. Should have been a wonderful thing.  It wasn't. 

There are lots of reasons why a particular place becomes negatively associated in one's mind, and it has very little to do with the physicality of it.  Just....over time and for various reasons my desire to be released from this place has grown in intensity.  For some time it seemed I would never be free.  Complicating circumstances, overriding responsibilities, property lines and easements and disputes.  Sad.  Just a beautiful place, but it just wouldn't go gracefully.  I prayed so hard it could be called begging.  Three years, this last slog of it.

Then suddenly this summer, an offer, an agreement, signatures, and it's done.  Yesterday I signed it officially away.  It feels like something dead and heavy that I'd been dragging around by a filthy cord tied to my ankle has been cut off.  I am running!

We intend to use our portion of the money from the sale for redemptive, compassionate purposes.  Seems like the poetry of justice to do so. 

Milestone Three - Mom's Birthday

I'm surprising her.  With me, when I head to Lakefield this coming Sunday afternoon, will be two of Mom's now five great-grandchildren, plus their mother.  She hasn't seen any of them in three years.  Abby remembers Great Gramma, but Zachary, not so much.  He's such a big boy now.  Mom will be amazed, delighted.  At least I really hope so.

It's a long drive but we intend to shamelessly utilize the DVD player in the van and numb out the kids for the duration.  We'll stay overnight, have a birthday picnic in the park the next day, and then head home again. 

Pictures to follow.

All of these markings are making for something of a whirlwind week, with lots of time driving.  Even so, my spirit remains in a state of restedness and calm, something I've been happy and grateful to realize has lingered this past month home from the cottage. 

Treasures

In the sanctuary of my little garden space outside the somewhat traumatic events of the past few days seem somewhat less troubling.

Thursday. Started off well, with a great swim and sunshine enough to sit out by the pond. Finally! After several days of cloud or rain, I was anxious to get out there again. Maybe too anxious. Maybe I was in too much of a hurry. Tripped on a broken and protruding root, puncturing the skin between my second and third toes, left foot.

At first there was enough pain and blood to make me consider a trip to emerg. But some pressure, ice and elevation, along with a solid dose of Motrin got me through the day.

And it was great day, really. Loving how these first weeks back are affording me some long range planning luxuries. And this week other Staff members began to return from vacations. So the happy quiet of the past few weeks gave way this week to the happy hellos and back at it attitude of the Team. I even got a surprise gift from a friend at the end of the day.

But by supper, all I really wanted to do was soak my more-swollen-now foot and maybe watch another episode of Downton Abbey.

Ken was already home and on the phone with the police when I walked in the door. We'd had a "home invasion". Ken's lap top, cash, DVDs, my rolling napsac to carry it all away in.....and the family heirloom diamond ring.

This was Ken's grandmother's engagement ring. Four generations. Entrusted to me. Most expensive piece of jewelry I owned. Other than my own engagement and wedding rings, most important. Gone. Likely to pay for the destruction of a soul through drugs, according to the police officer.

Gone.

I'd worn it all last year during my personal "jubilee", marking 50 years of following Jesus. To remind me. I did not earn this ring. I did not deserve it. I only wore it with respect and joy. And now it's gone.

It's been a few days. Our spirits are more settled. We're letting things go, but still noticing. Last night we thought we'd watch that episode of Downton Abbey we'd not got to the night before, but.... It was one of the DVDs that was taken. Okay...let it go. It was just a thing.

So was the ring. Sort of.

We've been praying for our intruder. We've been asking that, since he or she was in our house, that some of the redemptive blessings we have known in this house would follow them. Yes, we are praying that they would be caught, but only because we believe that a life is spiraling downward and is in need of God's great rescue. We'd like our stuff back, I'm not going to lie. But the better story would end with a reclaimed destiny. I'd love to work with God on that story, if that's what He chooses to do with our prayers.

And this morning the swelling is down on my foot. I am quiet and deeply comfortable on the patio. Looking forward to spending time with friends by a lake later today.

Treasures are relative things. I have so many unstealable ones.
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Outside

I am hoping to spend most of the weekend outside.

They're calling for rain on Friday night. But otherwise it's looking good for some time to be still out on the patio, now that I have it mostly the way I like it.

Or busy finally clearing off the large branch that fell during the storm on July 19, now that Ken bought another chain saw for the house (having left one at the cottage).

Or mowing the lawn now that time and weather might overlap.

Ate outside today. A delightful luncheon on the back deck of my so-gifted friend, Juanita. Sunshine and stuffed mushroom caps and meaningful conversation all at once, and all of it delicious!

Came outside just before supper. Here now. Outside.

I think I am a summer girl.

Lots of life happens outside at Hot Springs too. All year long. The main dining room for the kids is actually a shelter, so everyone eats outside for three meals a day all year long. And then, just life. The walking to and from each building of the 'complex'. Playing football or waterballoon toss in the front yard. Collecting red ant larvae for snacks. Laundry and gardening and sweeping and watering. All outside. All the time.

Probably I need to be outside more in the winter. But as a summer girl, it seems I just connect better with my own soul and with God's heart without the constriction of four walls. Especially when it's warm enough to be out here blogging, for example.

Father, Prabadah, thank You for Your garden presence.


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The Simplicity of a Perfect Day

Early swim.
Backyard swing.
Deuteronomic blessings, verse by verse.

Kitchen shines.
Laundry's done.
Bathroom cupboard purged, open spaces sigh.

Groceries and ironing and tidied drawers.
A nap and a chipmunk and a

chapter read.
Hugs from the littles.  Fresh jam to take home.

And all the way through I am untroubled.
And joyful.

Just simply having a perfect day.

And in that I see the Divine of it.
The Delight of it.
The Presence of the Perfect One.
Simply.

"You will be blessed when you come in, and when you go out."  Deuteronomy 28:2

Just that.
The comings and goings of a day unhurried and domestic.
The blessings of a Father who graces me with this untroubled, joyful, simple day.

Taking Shape

It's all just in the early stages but I'm liking how things are coming together so far.

For one, my quiet outside space welcomed some more greenery and colour today. That along with what I pulled together on Monday has begun a transformation that just has consecrated written all over it.

Well, to be honest, at the moment the summer students next door are playing their music way too loud, so the holy hush has skittered away to hide until it's safe to come out. Even so, I can't help being happy at how things are coming. It's a bit eclectic, but I have begun to feel the draw of it.

When my mind is brought back to this space with a sense of anticipation, then I know it's starting to be a place where my soul can rest.

But the backyard space isn't the only thing that's taking shape right here at the beginning of my season. Today I spent about five hours with my theological mentor and sermon prep consult Bill Webb. My head is full!

I first knew Bill as my seminary professor, granting me that odd and wonderful experience of being sad that class was over. He's come to speak at Highview a number of times over the years, providing us with depth and expertise on some of the Bible's thornier issues. Not that long ago he served as my advocate, successfully negotiating my transfer to Tyndale, for which I am so grateful. And now I have the enormous privilege of conferring with Bill as I map out each season's teaching scope and sequence.

Today's session was long and thorough but thoroughly invigorating. There's a lot of reading and digesting and sermonizing to do, but I think Highview is in for some good learnings together this season.

I am honoured to be invested in by someone so scary smart and yet so totally accessible and genuinely helpful as Bill. He is a good gift to me personally, and to Highview.

So, only day two. Still early into things, I know. Still, I'm thinking good thoughts about the season ahead, sitting out here in my space.

And the students just turned oof the radio :).
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Back Beside The Pond

First official day of the new ministry season for me. Here the cycle begins again, setting the tone and pace for the months of God's goodness to unfold in the life of this astonishing congregation I am honoured to serve.

The church building overlooks the pond. From my spot here on the other side, I catch the warmth of the rising sun on my face, and have a praying view of our property.

You can't see it from here but our new parking lot is complete. I never saw asphalt that was so beautiful. Of course the landscaping contributes (with thanks to John and Nick and all the people who have lent us their garden hose for watering).

Last year I sat in this very spot and heard God say, as clearly as we hear these things, The timing on this lot is exactly as I have wanted it. To spend yourselves in Haiti and Thailand instead of focusing on this project was the right thing to do."

Then last April when Suradet and Yupa were here, I told them our story. And he prayed for God's blessing. And by May 1 we were being told that our price had come down 50 grand, meaning we could go ahead.

Now it's done. A new season is here, in more than one way.

Last season was hard, no question. But it also brought much in terms of moving forward and digging deeper and expanding further into the call God has placed on us. I am humbled.

And so I step out into today confident that God goes with me, no matter what's waiting.
Grateful.


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Covenant of Place

Is green as good as blue?

I'm pondering that deep thought here on my back patio, missing the water very much but amazed at how lush our yard is this year.

In keeping with good rhythms and in the spirit of preserving as much of this restedness as I can, I am observing my Monday Sabbath and won't be back into the office until Tuesday. (Yes, even though I've just finished five weeks away. ;)

Part of that holy observation for me on this particular Monday is the reclaiming of some outdoor space. A big part of what connects me with myself and with my God at the cottage is being outdoors so much of the time. Only the rain or a persistently prevailing wind will keep me in.

When I get home, it's the being indoors all day that I feel the most. That and missing the water. So I have spent some of yesterday and part of today sweeping and setting and staging in an attempt to make a "Covenant of Place", as St. Benedict described. A place of focus where meditation and solitude can anchor me. A place of stability and constancy. A place for me to be me....outside.

Certainly the cottage is my place of dwelling IN God. A place that doesn't change and as such is deeply centering. There is stability and constancy for me there, year after year.

During the winter, I'm fond of the fireplace. My office corner with the little chair and a cup of tea beside me...that's a place of focus.

But right now, while the weather is still so good, I need to be outside. So that's what I've been working on.

It's not done yet. I need more inspiration, and I'm thinking this might be a slow and meditative process of itself. But it's a start.

Blue is better than green, but green is also full of life and growth and lavish goodness from the Creator.

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Coming Home

The bay is quiet now, although the sky's still moody, following a brief but ripping storm that took out the power at 2:31 this afternoon. That's what the stove clock reads right now, even though the sun has begun its late afternoon descent, angling in the front windows, when it gets the chance, through the lingering clouds.

Surprisingly it's still warm.

True summer. That's what we've had this entire last week, as if God was saving the best for last.

Maybe it was this last (for me) blast of perfect cottage weather. Maybe it was the crazy, best in 40 years blueberries. Or the arrival on Monday of a small and charming chipmunk who graced me with her trust and came got her peanuts off my lap by Tuesday.

Maybe it was just some quiet turning of my soul when I wasn't really paying attention.

Whatever it was, whenever it was, I'm ready to come home. Ready.

Not that I want to leave. Please understand. This place is so fresh and quiet and warm and safe and away and abundant and deep and sweet and everything my soul was created to long for, that I never want to leave. Ever. Doesn't matter who or what I have waiting for me that I will thoroughly enjoy when I get back, while I'm here, I am fully here. Fully. I miss the water the most.

But somewhere in the moments of receiving, I received what I needed to remember that no matter where I am, where I actually live is in God. Not just WITH Him but IN Him.

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High....if you make the Most High your dwelling...". Psalm 91:1,10

God is my home, my house. Where I live

And if that's the case, a deep security is mine for the having. Freedom and peace can be mine, even when all chaos is breaking loose around me - arrows by day and pestilence by night, as the psalmist describes.

I knew this already before I got here. But I love that my gentle Father (Prabada, in Thai) took me aside for a while to remind me. And restore me, here by the still waters. But that's another psalm.

This is my 40th year coming to this place. Not a surprise, perhaps, since God often counts in 40s, that this was a year that I needed it this much.

We leave tomorrow after supper, provided the power comes back on. Otherwise we might leave sooner, heeding the call of a nice hot shower.

Sunday at Highview will be sweet.
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The Freedom of God

"There is a great and subtle temptation to suggest to myself or others where God is working and where not, when he is present and when not, but nobody, no Christian, no priest, no mink, has any "special" knowledge about God. God cannot be limited by any human concept or prediction. He is greater than our mind and heart and perfectly free to reveal himself where and when he wants.". Henry Nouwen in The Genesee Diary

----

I have now joined the ranks of those who frequently quote Henry Nouwen :). Part of the required reading for a course I am taking in the fall is his complete and unabridged journal, kept while sequestered away at a Trappist monastery in Kentucky for seven months in 1974. I am finding his reflections and ruminations both quieting and disturbing.

I'm not sure exactly which of those this particular quote does for me.

It is arrogance-shattering (as is most of his experience at the monastery) and therefore shakes me some. I realize just how much I can begin to believe that I understand God well enough to figure out where and when He's working. It's an occupational hazard, perhaps, as it seems important to be able to tell this. How else can I form my strategies, lay out plans, determine the next set of priorities, if not by discerning where God is working and joining Him there? And while, in this particular period of his life, Nouwen espouses a different style of service to God than that to which I am currently called, I don't think he'd suggest abandoning any sense of watchfulness for the movement of the Holy Spirit in the spiritual responsibility of pastoring a church.

Still, I agree. No one can claim that "special" knowlege of God, not even my charismatic friends who call themselves prophets, not even someone who is called pastor by their community. It is wise to step back and remember this. The arrogance of presuming which sermon "worked" and which didn't, what experience of worship is effective and which isn't, what leadership structure or decision-making process is "godly" and which is "of the flesh". God isn't bound by any of it.

He's free, perfectly free to reveal Himself at any time to any person by any means.

That's liberating. Doesn't mean I don't keep watching and asking and seeking out the ways God is touching the lives of the people I love and lead. But it does mean that I keep my mind open to ALL the ways God might be moving and revealing Himself.

-----

Another spectacular sunrise this morning. I love how the lilies open themselves up to the potential of each new day.
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In The Shade

"She who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty." Psalm 91:1

I have chosen Psalm 91 as my next slow meditation.

For the past several months I have done something new (for me) with my first in the morning reflective time. I am writing out Scripture, verse by verse, first in Hebrew, then in Thai, then in English. This, in part, keeps my mind working on both of the "other" languages that I am so love-motivated to learn. But what I am also finding is a certain beauty in how long this takes, each morning in turn, but also how long I end up meditating on just one passage.

There's something calming and centering about taking the time.

The effect has been true since I started this practice in January, but is enhanced of course by the opportunity now to be here, in the safe and healing place that the cottage provides me. In fact, without anything pressing to follow - no meetings or sermon prep or strategy or agendas or difficult conversations or desperate, surprising situations - the slowness factor comes all the more into play. Just. Writing. And. Meditating. Beside still waters. That is all, right now.

I have chosen Psalm 91 because I will need it to bridge me home. Fourteen verses. I have but nine days left.

This morning as I sit here on the deck I am so not ready to entertain the thought. The harshness of the season I have just left behind (a few days ago, it seems, not the three plus weeks it's actually been) will not have been resolved in my absence. The real-time emergencies, the relentless press against values and philosophies and paradigms, the challenges to so much that I realize have becomes sacred cows, the heavy-burdened need for wisdom and discernment for even what I thought was going to be a simple, casual, safe conversation....it will all be there, waiting for me.

The temptation to pre-emptively problem solve and attempt to get a leg up on it all exerts its own kind of pressure. I must stand firm against it, here, now. For I have clearly and ever-so-gently been invited to simply receive the peace of Christ while I'm here, this through the encouragement of my spiritually wise Elders at Highview, and affirmed in my own times of listening since being away.

So Psalm 91 will serve as a reminder and a bridge. A bridge to take me home.

The shadow of the Almighty. The picture here is of protection from the heat of the sun (cf Psalm 121:5). Dwelling. Resting. Receiving.

A brooding sky gives way to sunrise. Seems fitting.
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All Over Again

I'm very aware of the captured moments this year. Having the grandchildren with us, first everyone last weekend and for this week and next, just the two, gives me countless opportunities to marvel.

Time, it seems both stands still and charges by, all in the passing of a moment. How long ago was it that my own two stood in these same shallows, taking wonder at the whole other world of minnows and frogs and snakes? How long ago was there a line full of wet bathing suits, or a huge box of crayons on that same table when the morning gave way to showers?

Kristyn turns 31 today. Yet here she is, represented by her 7 year old future self, swimming for all she's worth out to the shoal. And earlier the son of my son stood in serious concentration, fishing like only an almost three year old can fish. His Dad did the same, and the memories are clear. But that was almost 30 years ago.

No matter. It's possible, I'm finding, to make it stop, just in that moment, simply by noticing. And praying whispers of wonder and gratitude. When I do that, when a smile or a snuggle or the simple act of climbing out of the boat catches my heart, and then when I worship in it and breathe joy into it, revel in it.....then the racing of time complies for that moment, and stops.

Right here. Right now.

Will I live to repeat the cycle again? I don't know. Depends on God's good plans, and if there's anyone willing to carry Great-Gramma up from the boat, I guess.

Happy Birthday, my baby girl. You changed my life forever. Now your children are doing it too, all over again.
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A Lifetime of Firsts

Big day on the fishing front yesterday. Both Abby (7) and Zachary (4) caught their very first fish, and it all happened within minutes of each other, right off our dock!

Squeals of joy as the floppy trophies were unhooked and put in the bucket for prolonged viewing and crowing over pleasure.

These are incredible moments. Marking 'firsts' in the new journeys of still-wonder-filled children.

Yet even as we take the pictures and write the news in the cottage log, I am conscious of a life-joy also worthy of note. It never ends. The firsts of life, all of them, the happy and not so wonderful, all of them are new and bring something of value, something important.

And it never ends. Firsts all the time. All through life. We get to keep doing things for the first time.

Each day, new. Each morning mercy, fresh. Every day another change to experience something for the first time.

I think this may be one of the happiest surprises of my over-fifty reality. And it flops around like a delightful catch on the dock with beautiful grandchildren discovering this sacred happy place for the first time.
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The Healing Silence

Heaven, I am convinced, is THIS quiet.

At least there must be parts of it that are, parts different than the worship party and/or megafeast described in the Revelation.

I'm certain that there are little corners where no human or even angelic-made noise interrupts the silent, wondrous anti-noises of the new earth, restored and perfected to its original intention and thereby inviting the soul to feed on peace.

Otherwise, why would there be all those texts that invite us to be still, and come away? Why would Jesus have been drawn to those solitary places?

If I'm right, I'm touching some of Heaven now.

I am remembering who I am.

Battle fatigue. Makes the contrasts between being in the midst of the deafening, chaotic noise and being silently away from it all somewhat startling. The relentless, randomness that characterized this ministry season just past has left deep wounds of exhaustion, wounds I did not even know I had sustained until I came away to this Heaven-space and, in the silence, began to heal.

Brutal season. One of the most draining and demanding I can remember.

And as the grand finale, I officiated at three funerals within eight days, just before getting here. So I've been thinking about the other-side stuff in the Bible more than usual. And if we understand correctly the parts about being "completed", being the best version of ourselves once we're there, then it makes sense that I might begin to feel the healing of being more me in the silence that is Heaven-on-earth to me.

So this morning I heal in the quiet of the bay, here beside still waters that remind my soul that eventually the chaos will be done, and that I am destined for beautiful things.

Like this.
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A Tribute To Run Home To

Remembering Dale and George and Jon
Surrounding little Aurora with love to take her Home 
Run hard into His arms, precious saints (Psalm 116:15)

Forever Reign
Hillsong

You are good, You are good  
When there's nothing good in me  
You are love, You are love  
On display for all to see  
You are light, You are light  
When the darkness closes in  
You are hope, You are hope  
You have covered all my sin
 
You are peace, You are peace  
When my fear is crippling  
You are true, You are true  
Even in my wandering  
You are joy, You are joy  
You're the reason that I sing  
You are life, You are life, 
In You death has lost its sting
 
Oh, I'm running to Your arms, 
I'm running to Your arms  
The riches of Your love  
Will always be enough  
Nothing compares to Your embrace  
Light of the world forever reign



You are more, You are more  
Than my words will ever say  
You are Lord, You are Lord 
All creation will proclaim  
You are here, You are here 
In Your presence I'm made whole  
You are God, You are God 
Of all else I'm letting go
 
Oh, I'm running to Your arms  
I'm running to Your arms  
The riches of Your love  
Will always be enough  
Nothing compares to Your embrace  
Light of the world forever reign
My heart will sing no other Name  
Jesus, Jesus

And God Still Writes the Story

Sovereign by Chris Tomlin

Today I again declare God's sovereignty over my life, my family, my ministry, my future.
Five years.  And He's been everything we've needed, every single day.

Sovereign in the mountain air
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm

Sovereign in my greatest joy
Sovereign in my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn

In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

Sovereign in the mountain air
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm

Sovereign in my greatest joy
Sovereign in my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn

In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

All my hopes
All I need
Held in your hands

All my life
All of me
Held in your hands

All my fears
All my dreams
Held in your hands

In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

Time for an Update

I've been here in Thailand now for - wow- 16 days already!  It's been an incredibly busy time, and I've given more attention to the Team blog - Highview to Thailand http://highviewtothailand.blogspot.com/-  than my own personal blog.   I'll suggest you go there to get more details about this 2013 Trip and the adventures of the 10 Highviewers who are here for another incredible visit with our Hot Springs kids.

For now, for me, I just want to introduce my new little guy Eg.  These past six years I've had the great privilege of sponsoring Thim, a lovely young lady who will graduate this year and head off to university.  She's here now still, and beautiful and strong and ready to take on the next steps of her emerging adult life.  I'll continue to sponsor her, for sure, as is our option as Sponsors with Asia's Hope.

But last year when Suradet asked if we could add three more children to our Hot Springs family, I agreed to take on one of them.

Here he is.

It's a surreal thing to make the connection.  The language and culture barriers, although SO much less than when I was first getting to know Thim, still make for some shyness for both of us.  I don't want to come on too strong, or be in his space too quickly.  I am after all, a stranger, and an old white lady from Canada to boot.

But...he's so cute!!!  Eight years old but very small.  Looks more like five, really.  However, what he lacks in physical stature he makes up for in spunk.  This little guy is the first to volunteer when I ask for a child to come help me tell a story during devotions time.  He's right in there on the football (soccer) field with all the bigger kids, running like crazy and afraid of nothing.  And his little face is concentrated and joyful when he sings for all he's worth during worship time.

Already I love him.

I do.  It's what happens.

Someone once said, "Love like you won't get hurt."  That's what I'm doing.  And I know it.  These kids are so vulnerable, even now in their rescued state.  They grow up.  They leave home.  Just like here.  And my heart wants to stay connected with Thim, but she's under no obligation whatsoever.  I'm hoping that the fact she calls me 'mother' is a good sign.  Eg is a fair bit aways from that yet.

Five spaces are opening up at Hot Springs.  One child most probably already has a Sponsor, I just have to confirm.  But there are four more faces, just like Eg's.  For more lives.  For more children who will receive a roof over their heads, nutritious meals every day, an education, an identity, some dignity.  Four more children who are waiting to be adopted into this incredible family.

If you want to be part of the love, you can email me at rabreithaupt@buildingbiggerhearts.ca.  I'd love to tell Suradet, before I leave on April 4th, that all five children are spoken for.

Cleared for Take Off!

The doctor gave me the green light today.  I'm on my way with our fantastic Team, heading to Thailand to visit our beautiful Thai family at Hot Springs.

Down to the wire, this was.  Glad for this, oh so glad!  I believe something good is about to happen, something important. 

Thanks for all the support and love and prayers.  Will keep you posted.

7 mm of Uncertainty

My ticket says I'm to get on a plane around lunch time on Tuesday and fly away to Thailand.

A 7 mm kidney stone that decided to 'journey to the light' starting last Thursday says, "We'll see about that."

After 15 months of completely symptom-free living with the diagnosis of kidney stones, and a mere 10 days before my next trip to Hot Springs, things have gotten dicey.  There's a Team of 10 of us from Highview all set to visit our Thai family and to partner with them in running an ESL Day Camp for neighbouring children.  We've be working hard for months.  We're basically all packed already.  Supplies are gathered and purchased.  Lessons are set to go.  Hearts are ready to both give and receive.  There's a mere three days until departure as I write this.

But when last seen via ultrasound last Monday, a 7 mm stone had not yet made its way all the way.  And due to the time it takes reports to get to a specialist and the rather demanding schedule of a specialist, I can't get in to see the specialist until the day before.  I'm not kidding.  The day before I'm set to lead a Team half way around the world is the day I'll know if I'm clear to fly - or not.

This presses every first-born-female, Type A, anal and structured button in me.  And believe me, I have a lot of those.   A last-minute, seat-of-your-pants decision on something like THIS?  Come on!  Yes, I have mellowed over the years.  Ministry and children and age and grandchildren and reality will do that to you.  But, come on!

And yet.

It occurs to me that I mean it when I sing those songs of utter surrender in church.  I'm very sure I mean it when I pray those Mary prayers of being His maidservant and letting it be unto me as He has said, in private.  I know that I mean it when I raise that white flag, and lay my palms upward, and step aside to get out of His way figuratively and actually.

I do.  Belong to Him.  I. Am.  His.

And I mean it.

So there's no wailing to be done here.  No questioning.  No begging.  Yes, I've been prayed over and I'm praying even now that the stone will be gone and I'll be released to do this unbelievably fabulous thing I get to do each year with these heroes that somehow call me friend.  I've 'let my requests be known' to the Father Healer.  I've laid out the desires of my heart to Yahweh, just like He asked me to.

But I'm not demanding.  I'm not freaking.  Instead I find myself in a new place of resting.  I think, I think I actually do trust Him on this.  Go or not go.  Even this, as important as it is to me.  It's up to Him.

Don't like the not knowing.  Don't like that 7 mm is causing all this uncertainty.  Don't like putting the Team in this place.

But God's got this.

So...my part right now is to drink and pee, pack and wait.

So will you hear from me next in Thailand?  I'll keep you posted.