The past three days have provided one of those unwanted but in-the-end helpful opportunities to reset.
I've been more or less on my own little lockdown since Thursday morning, after a sudden, nasty but thankfully brief experience with what could have been a stomach bug, but seems more likely to have been something I ate. No one else around me has been affected - thank You Jesus - so I'm inclined to believe the latter, and actually can pretty much identify the culprit. Ick. Let's think about something else.
It was enough not just to keep me home, but actually keep me in bed for the whole day Thursday, and most of both afternoons Friday and today. This. Does. Not. Happen. It even meant cancelling a long awaited sleepover at Gramma's house for the PD Day. Yes, the first sleepover since March of 2020 (when the kids were rejoicing in having two extra weeks of March Break!). My physical misery was matched only by my I've-bailed-on-the-kids misery. No, actually I think the second misery was worse. Honestly, guys, I cried good.
However.
Since the 'initiating event', I've had the chance to just stay quiet and rest, sipping ginger ale, reading mostly, sneaking in a teeny bit of work, tending to a few Christmas cards, and tentatively trying some chicken soup. Certainly not going anywhere! And in these past 72 hours I've been able to identify more clearly something that's been buzzing like static in the back of my brain for months now. Because when I have to stay home, it's quiet back there.
The buzz, I realize, is this whole deal of having to cope with COVID. This whole time since we've lifted restrictions and can go out and be about our lives again, there's this constant awareness of still having to deal with all of it - masks, and hand sanitizer, and distancing, and keeping track of who I've been with, and how that will affect everyone else I'm with, and deciding what I will and will not risk. Since school started two of the children in my inner circle have had a positive case in their classroom, and it's set no end of things in motion with a lot to reschedule, and re-think, and make sure everyone who needs to know knows, and testing and.... Oy!
At least during lockdown I could 'deal' with the pandemic without all this extra layer of responsibility and practice. Having a break from all that for a day or two was really quite lovely.
No. I do not wish any more lockdowns on any more humans anywhere on the planet. Sad for those for whom this is a recurring hardship, truly. But I'm wondering, if for my own mental health, I might find spaces for my own personal two or three day lockdowns this winter. Sans the unpleasantness, of course. Sometimes, when it's done for the masses, the officials call this kind of thing a 'circuit breaker'. Like that. What if I could just make it my own COVID-fatigue circuit breaker? If the virus isn't going away any time soon, and as we seek our way forward, and as I determine to cooperate with all the ways we need to keep each other safe right now, what if I just need to lock down from time to time?
Seems to me even Jesus needed this every so often. Apples to oranges, but He certainly had a lot on His plate most days too. And imagine the 'noise' of the mercy-weight for Him! I can't even.
Likely there are those of you who have figured this 'little lockdown', time off thing already. You're way ahead of me. And probably some don't hear the buzz quite the same, so this isn't even a thing for you. Kudos.
But I'm thinking maybe this might be a more common source of underlying fatigue for more of us than we realize. Because it hovers just below all the big stuff like the daily case count or the vaccine conversations or the politics. Maybe we're all way more tired from COVID than we realize, even without ever having contracted the virus.
Today I was recovered enough to do half a walk! Felt so good to be outside for a bit. Even did some errands in the morning, having been more than 48 hours symptom free. And I'm ready to go for the last in a three-sermon relationships series at Highview tomorrow morning (in case anyone was worrying).
Ah yes...gathering with my faith community. Totally, totally, beautifully and completely worth getting there for that.
Take it easy friends. We need each other more than ever.
