When You're Having a Bad Hair Day But You Really Don't Care Because You've Only Just Turned One

I highly doubt my Dad would ever have signed up for Facebook, had it been a thing back then. But he sure did take a lot of pictures of his kids. I was the first, so, you know how that goes. Sorry all you second, third and other later born folks with scarcer photographic histories of your childhood.

This is circa July 1958, taken at Fair Havens Campground near Beaverton, Ontario.

Bath time. The cooking pot off to the side was used to pour the water over my head causing the bad-faux-mohawk look. And while part of me hopes my Mom was there saying, "Oh Art, let me fix her hair a little before you take the picture," there's something to be said about being young enough not to care.

Which brings me back to Facebook.

Perhaps it's ironic that I'm the one now posting this less-than-cute picture of myself as a baby. Or maybe a little on purpose. Because truth is we all sort of try to 'fix our hair a little' when presenting ourselves to the world. We can't seem to help it.

To help prove my point: What's the first thing you do when the camera comes on for a Zoom meeting?

Of course there's something to be said for proper grooming, and appropriate clothing, and even knowing the 'TMI' quotient for any particular audience. There's wisdom in knowing how much of ourselves we show to the various levels of relational intimacy circles every one of us has in our lives.

Yes.

And.

Truth is we all have bad hair days.

I'm not advocating for open disclosure of personal matters on social media. In fact, I think there are dangers and indiscretions in doing so. But I do hope two things.

One is that we can continue to grow towards finding it less and less necessary to manage our image as we find more and more identity in being cherished treasures of God.

The second is that we all do have those people in our lives with whom we can be truly ourselves, no secrets, no judgements. The people with whom we can be having a "bad hair day" and we honestly don't care, because we know we are loved unconditionally. And I guess the part B to this second one is that maybe we can be that for someone else.

I hope so.

Okay, but, in this picture, I'm a little bit cute, right?

Stay real friends.
Happy Wednesday.

Baby Elephants and the Faithfulness of God

 

"Since my youth, God, You have taught me,
and to this day I declare Your marvelous deeds.
Even when I am old and gray,
do not forsake me, my God,
till I declare Your power to the next generation,
Your mighty acts to all who are to come.
Your righteousness, God, reaches to the heavens,
You who have done great things.
Who is like You, God?
Though You have made me see troubles,
many and bitter,
You will restore my life again;
from the depths of the earth
You will again bring me up.
You will increase my honour
and comfort me once more."
Psalm 71:17-20

Not sure why this picture came to mind this morning, all random-like. Perhaps it's because I'm thinking ahead to the time Abby and I will spend in Thailand together this summer, and her hope that perhaps we might encounter an elephant while we're there.

This was a prickly little fellow. I always thought elephant skin might be softer somehow, like leather. But they are bristly, like your Grandad's cheek when you were two and didn't want to give him a kiss goodbye.

Cute though. The baby elephant, not your Grandad (although your Gramma may disagree).

And here's where all this is taking me this morning.

If, as a child, or a teenager, or even as a young adult, I could have seen this picture, and understood the context and the journey undertaken, and the enormity of blessing it entails, why I'm in Thailand and who I'm with, and that one day I would be planning to travel there with my 18 year old granddaughter...

...I simply wouldn't believe it.

Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined the life I have now. This, this right now, is a far, far better story than I could have written for myself.

There's been a lot along the way that has been unexpectedly prickly, for sure. A lot that seems to have no explanation, no purpose. But the story is also full of hope and redemption and beauty and joy.

So I guess this is Tuesday's testimony, my declaration of the faithfulness of God. And while I seem to have inherited my Dad's side of things in terms of late-onset-greying (for what that's worth) I am approaching my 67th birthday in a matter of days. Apparently some think that's 'old.' Whatever. I've got too much to do to spend any time worrying about the age thing.

Hope your day is full of 'baby elephant' moments.

This Week's Slice of the Story

Now this is more like it.

A full week ahead of me with a list that feels full of redemptive potential.
And while there's no news yet on the house front, I'm feeling more settled and at ease and hopeful.

Over the weekend I was reminded:

"I am confident of this: He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus."
Philippians 1:6

I don't read this as being so much about my current circumstances, as if this is some magical incantation that will get the house sold.

Instead, the promise is about what God's Spirit wants to accomplish in my heart and life for His plans and purposes for the sake of others.

And to keep it even more in context, this was written to a whole group of folks, the church in Philippi. So the stuff Paul is saying God will be faithful to complete, very much, in his mind, happens in the context of community.

I think that when this is all over and we are truly, physically settled into our new place, I'll have to write it all out somewhere to show how all the pieces come together.

For right now I'll just say that this step we are taking is not coming out of nowhere. It is only a small slice of a very larger story that will impact way more people than just us.

We're simply trying as best we know to follow Him into the next chapter. A chapter, I believe, He will be faithful to complete.

So on to the list and all that redemptive potential. And, if things go well, maybe by next Monday Ken and I will be able to sneak away to the cottage for a while.

I truly love all the accidental flowers that happen along the side of our fence this time of year. There's an abundance right now, with all this warmth and rain. Wonder who might be enjoying them next spring?

Blessings on this day for you!
May your week bring completion and joy and strength.

Shine!

Well this short work week has certainly lived up to its name.
Especially when Monday is a holiday AND Friday (and Saturday morning) is Anchor Conference!

In between the week's been a lot of things: busy, productive, challenging, invigorating, connective, encouraging, stretching, frustrating, pressing, and intriguing, among many others.

It even contained a little 'small world' surprise when, on Thursday afternoon, two orbits of my life - my theology discussion group and my Cognashene Community Church connection - overlapped. It's always fun for me when I unexpectedly run into someone in the city who also has a piece of their heart on the Freddy.

Gotta love it when you have a great sleep AND wake up early enough for a cool sunrise walk.

"Shine the Light" is our Conference Theme. While I truly did miss the rush of being on the Conference Team this year, at this moment I am glad for the wisdom of saying no, and the gift of openly receiving what the Team has prepared and what the Lord has in store.

"Arise, shine, for your light has come,
and the glory of the LORD rises upon you."
Isaiah 60:1

When Tuesday is Monday

Okay, here we go.

It's the start of the work week after what could only be described as a spectacular start to the summer over the May 2-4 weekend. Apparently the hot weather is supposed to continue for a few days yet, making me wish we could have indeed stayed longer at the cottage.

But never mind. Lots of good things on my list for this week that could only happen in the city. And we are still holding down the fort for showings and all that is required as we trust God for His good guidance regarding the selling of our house.

It was good to get away from all that even for just two days. It was good to stay away from my desk yesterday. And it's good to feel a fresh start this morning.

I confess to feeling the strains of all that's happening at the moment. Big changes coming down the pike about where we'll lay our heads. Some of the challenges my kind of work naturally brings are a little 'extra' at the beginning of the school term at Hot Springs. And trying to lay out a healthy summer plan when so much is uncertain is like nailing jello to a wall. Sigh.

I find a comforting stability in taking pictures of really tiny flowers. Maybe it's because of their connection to Jesus' words about worry in Matthew 6:25-24. In short, "Don't."

Just look at these Solomon's-got-nothing-on-us little beauties!
Another accidental capture from just outside the cottage.

So here we go into another week, folks.
I hope it's full of love and strength and any reassurances you might need for whatever you're facing right now.

Teachers and Gentle Songs

"Let my teaching fall on you like rain;
let my speech settle like dew.
Let my words fall like rain on tender grass,
like gentle showers on young plants."
Deuteronomy 32:2

We are back in the city today, glad for a very successful cottage opening with incredible weather and very minimal plumbing prayers needed. Our crew was energetic, and together we got way more done than Ken and I ever could have by ourselves in an overnight trip.

I'm not even sad to be back a day early. This way we miss the traffic and still have a day to look after normal domestics and just take a break from this whole house-for-sale thing. We asked for no showings today, and it seems like everyone needs a long holiday weekend anyways.

I did want to share this capture though, from yesterday morning. It's of a very small wild strawberry plant just to the side of the cottage under the clothesline.

I hope you can see the drops of dew on both the petals and on the lower leaves. Gotta love it when my subpar phone camera can deliver something like this. Totally by accident. I did nothing special.

So clean. So simple. So gentle.

Moses wanted his instruction through song to be like this. That's what Deuteronomy chapter 32 is; a song meant to instruct. Very ancient near eastern, this, learning through song. Something we all respond to, I think.

And two things come to mind for me here.

One is that the song itself is all about God's faithfulness to His people, even in the face of their outright rebellion. Ironically, some of the words in the song sound anything but gentle. Until you read it all the way through and see how God brings it around to protecting His ultimate plans and purposes for them/us, in spite of.

The second thought on this though is simply how Moses describes his hopes for how his teaching, his words, will fall on the ears of his hearers.

I was good for my Gramma's heart over the weekend to watch Ken teach two of our now teenage grandkids how to hook up the cottage plumbing. As you may have picked up from previous posts and my mention of 'plumbing prayers' above, this is not always a smooth opening task. It can be quite tedious, even when everything does actually work the way you want it to.

Yet, Ken was so good with them, naming each component, explaining the physics of it, and giving them the tools in hand so they could actually torque things and bang things and make it happen themselves. He stayed calm and encouraging throughout the whole process. And when it all came together and we had water in all the taps, he gave them all the credit.

No songs were sung during the plumbing hook up experience, except in my heart maybe. Still, I think Moses inspired it.

Personally, I am glad for the teachers in my life who have been like this for me, especially when I was a 'young plant.'
And personally, right now, as someone who does a fair bit of teaching (and writing) myself, I so want to be this.

Back to the cottage and berries and such.
The blueberry bushes are loaded with potential right now.
We'll see how the season goes.
And, who knows? Maybe we'll get a share of some strawberries too.

Happy Holiday Monday everyone!

Abundance and Blueberries and Wild Glory

Now this looks promising!

Yes, I do realize that between now and perhaps the start of July all the conditions need to stay favourable.  But right at the moment it sure looks good for a lot of blueberries this summer.  

There's just a lot more little flowers-turning-to-berries happening in and around our cottage than we usually see by this time.  Way more.  And it makes me eager to see what the season will bring.  Especially since we have an expert pie maker in the family.  And it's not Gramma.  (Right Zachary?)

We're here to open, and just overnight.  The tasks are many but happy, since they all signal the start of the season.  And even this year, when so much about the months ahead is uncertain, it's been so good to leave some of that stress behind in the city and just be present in the kinds of cottage moments where you notice how many blueberry flowers there are.  

As I bend low to capture this picture, I hear one of Paul's more wild benedictions in my head, as if blessing the blueberries.  But I know it's about way more than the blueberries.

 "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more 

than all we ask or imagine, 

according to His power that is at work within us, 

to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus

throughout all generations

for ever and ever.

Amen"

Ephesians 3:20-21

Glory and glory for this incredible Sunday morning.

As Solid as the Canadian Shield

As Matthew remembers it, Jesus did a lot of talking on a mountain one day. Some suggest that these are the sayings we can be most certain should be 'in red' in our Bibles. We even have a name for this collection. We call it The Sermon on the Mount.

At the end of all the words and stories about who is blessed, being salt and light, how love fulfills the law, and all manner of attitudes and oaths and love for enemies, he finished it off with this.

"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.

The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against the house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock."
Matthew 7:24-27

I think we sometimes do a disservice to ourselves by claiming this text as a failsafe promise for anyone who simply calls themselves a Christian. It's true; in other places God Himself is called the Rock (eg. Isaiah 26:3-4).

But here Jesus is asking for listening ears and an active response. Like, actually doing what He's talking about. That's the wisdom that's compared to a rock-solid foundation in a storm.

Pause for slight change of topic.

We're headed to the cottage for season opening this weekend.
Yay and hurray!!!
And.
This is always a work-related trip, and usually short, so if I get out in the kayak even once that will be bonus.

Still, there's always a spiritual reconnection for me, and for all of us, when we get there, and do the ritual of planting our bare feet on the rock for the first time.

"House built on a rock" pretty much describes every cottage in the area. The Canadian Shield dominates the landscape. And you can bet every structure up there has weathered its fair share of Georgian Bay storms.

I will remember this as I take off my shoes and feel the wisdom of what's underneath me. And while I don't want to overstate anything, because, really we're overwhelmingly blessed and safe and well cared for, this current journey into the whole world of real estate has at times had its fair share of unsettling days. Showings, and entertaining offers, and late night decision-making conversations will do that to you.

One of 'these words of Mine' that comes just before Jesus sums it up with the house on the rock parable is particularly compelling right now.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of your by worrying ad a single hour to your life?"
Matthew 6:25-27

So here's to a worry-free cottage opening.
Except for the plumbing.
I have only realistic expectations about the plumbing.
True fact: I do my most brazen, charismatic praying about cottage plumbing. But never mind.

No concrete (see what I did there?) news about house yet.
We'll be sure to let you know.

Happy long weekend everyone!!

Random Thursday

And it's here!

The new day.
Full of possibilities.

Random Thursday.
Not so random Spirit,
leads on paths of righteousness
for the sake of His Name.

Yahweh.

You are God and I am not.
And what a good arrangement that is.

That Servant Thing

 

If you have a bit of push back happening in your brain for this one, I won't blame you. My post-modern, Canadian, white-entitlement, self-advocacy psyche has a hard time wrapping itself around this particular parable.

Jesus is speaking directly to His Disciples. The ones who had chosen to follow Him full time. The ones who were hanging around Him to learn how to be like Him. Those Disciples.

"Suppose one of you has a servant plowing or looking after the sheep.

Will he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, 'Come along now and sit down to eat'?

Won't he rather say, 'Prepare my super, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink'?

Will he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do?

So also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, "We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.'"

Luke 17:7-10

So, just to make space for us to actually contemplate this a little, this is only one side of what the Bible has to say about what it's like to serve God. [Hint: Hebrews 6:10 is shaping up to be the launching point of tomorrow's musings.]

And we also have to remember the first century context here and the fuller scope of what it meant to be part of a household, even if you were a servant.

Still. This is kind of jarring. That kind of humility, that approach to work and life and being told what to do, is counterintuitive in a culture fixated on self actualization.

And yet, we do accept the term 'serving God.' And likely most of us, who would identify with the Disciples in terms of our desire to follow Jesus and be like Him, would be fine with calling ourselves a servant of God.

So then, what's expected of us?

Someone said that you can only measure the integrity of your 'servant's heart' by how you respond when you are being treated like one.

To be clear, we're not talking about passively receiving abuse. That's a totally different topic altogether.
And, as I said, there is a balance point in Scripture, in terms of how we are to treat one another, and how God regards us.

But still.

This passage has been printed off and posted in my office at various times over the years of ministry. There've been times I needed the reminder, to be honest. Because it goes against the grain of my need to be seen as important.

Yes, I wrote that out loud.
Spirit, don't stop Your work in me.

And this sign pictured (which is right now in that black hole called "in storage" because the house stager said "nothing religious") was a gift as I stepped aside from the full time pastor's role, from someone who knew me well.

I'm looking forward to deciding where it will hang in our new home.

What's Happening When Nothing's Happening

 

One of Jesus' lesser known parables, found only in Mark's gospel, is The Parable of the Growing Seed.

"The is what the kingdom of God is like.

"A man scatters seed on the ground.
Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up,
the seed sprouts and grows,
but he does not understands how it happens.

"All by itself the soil produces grain --
first the stalk, then the head,
then the full kernel in the head.
As soon as the grain is ripe,
he puts the sickle to it,
because the harvest has come."
Mark 4:26

Sow*Weed*Water*Wait

It's a small metallic sign that was likely meant for the garden, but I have it above my desk in my office. I need the reminder here more than anywhere else. Although, outside, all the spring flowers are also a good prompt.

Just like the farmer, there's only so much I'm supposed to do. The rest is up to the created order and the plans of a Creator who knows what He's doing.

I'm really good at the first part of this. Sowing, weeding, watering. All the prep and planning and productivity that I believe will bring all the things I want to see happen in my "garden."

It's the waiting that I find so difficult. There's stuff to do at the beginning, like planting, and stuff to do at the end, like harvesting. Then, in this mysterious middle, I find myself tempted to forfeit faith for fussing.

But I'm pretty sure Jesus wanted us to know that there's an awful lot happening even when it looks like nothing's happening. Even when we are 'stuck' in a place of waiting it out.

The truly beautiful thing for me in all of this is, that even in the waiting, God doesn't leave me hanging. Yesterday, during Communion, the line from the song we were singing - Broken Vessels (by Hillsong) - could not have prompted a more vivid picture.

"I can see the love in Your eyes."

And as if Jesus was gently taking my hands in His, inviting me to trace the scars in His palm with my finger, and saying, "Would Someone who loves you this much not come through for you?"

Holding my breath for a moment.

And exhale.

Moving means waiting on big things.
Some things are taking longer that I had hoped they would.
And I do "not understand how it happens."
But I do know a Saviour Who loves me.

And that much love I can trust.

Whatever you might be waiting on right now,
I pray for you loving encounters of reassurance and grace.

Who knows?
Maybe this week will bring some results.

Signs of the Times and Tethering Trust

That's five for five this work week, out for a morning walk. Glad to be on the other side of whatever that nasty head and sinus thing was, and to be breathing in deeply the first fresh air of the day.

Noticed this sign at the edge of one of the fields, and just had to include it in my theme for this week.

What catches my attention, obviously, is the part where it has to let us all know that "THIS IS NOT CANNABIS."

I laughed out loud!

Friends, never in all my widest 1970's high school student imaginations would I ever have thought that one day I'd be walking past a field that some might mistake for an open grow of pot! And that a sign distinguishing between hemp and cannabis might be necessary since cannabis was now actually, unbelievably a legal thing to grow. Back then, some of my fellow students would have thought it was a pipe dream, pun intended.

The pivot of thinking and attitude and even values concerning marijuana (notice how we don't even call it that anymore?) between then and now could not be more dramatically swung.

I will not be commenting this morning, or any time, on my own opinions about legalization of certain substances. That's because I do not in any way have an unbiased, or even remotely cognitive position on the matter. Just a full-blown, historical, circumstantial, and emotional gut reaction that disqualifies me from any reasonable debate. So, not going there.

But what strikes me today is the dramatic change of it. The contrast I'm painting between my teen years and now. How completely and diametrically opposed it seems to me, and how do I navigate that much change in my world?

I'm adapting to a lot of change right now. Even in these pre-move months, because of having the house show-ready at all times, my toothbrush isn't even where I normally keep it. It's surprising how the little things catch you like that. When I moved from my office at the church to setting up here at the house, it was paper clips.

But of course it's not just the little things. It's the big changes, and how fast they happen and how much all at once. And how much they affect the day to day living out of life, and our ways of relating to one another, and how we pay our bills, and how we worship, and what language is or is not offensive, and where we lay our heads.

Change is good. There's no growth without change. And looking back, some of the most wretched, unwanted changes of my life turned out to be exactly what I needed and at just the right time, and I wouldn't go back to the way it was.

Still. I find an ironic correlation between my ability to navigate change, -- big or small, gradual or sucker-punch, -- and the strength of my tether to what does not.

"You will keep in perfect peace
those whose minds are steadfast,
because they trust in You.
Trust in the LORD forever,
for the LORD, the LORD Himself,
is the Rock eternal."
Isaiah 26:4

"Shalom, shalom" is how it reads in Hebrew.
Perfect peace, undisturbed by fields of hemp or hidden toothbrushes.

Or even by the changes ahead I can see coming but still are not clear to me.

The Rock eternal, oh yes.
Trust tethers me.

Is it Friday already?
That went fast.
Happy weekend everyone.
And for whatever changes you might navigating I hope you find your tether.
And your toothbrush.

Everything I Needed to Know About Life I Learned in the Roundabout

 

Pushing myself even further this morning, and it was a glorious sky for sure. I'm still in David Johnston Business Park - that's where I can get the best and longest view of the sunrise - but I'm experimenting with different routes within.

It's amazing how you can get an entirely new perspective just from being on a different sidewalk. The sun between evergreens, for example. And for those tired of my field view horizon sunrise shots, you're welcome.

This new little adventure took me around not one but two roundabouts this morning. And I know I'm not prone to writing about controversial topics, but today I'm feeling brave so I'll talk about roundabouts anyways.

Most folks don't like them. And for pedestrians, I am not a fan myself. In fact, any time other than a sunrise walk in a no-cars-yet business park, I do my best to avoid them.

But for driving, I think I do okay. In fact, it seems that roundabouts, like kindergarten, could actually teach us a lot about life.

There's no rush.
Everybody take their turn.
Stay in your lane.

Give each other space.
A gentle tap on the horn can actually be helpful.
A blaring horn just ruins someone's day.
It helps if you have a clear idea of where you're going before you join the circle.

And, back to the pedestrians,
always, always be on the look out for those who don't have the protection of a car wrapped around them, i.e. the more vulnerable.


If I wanted to make a political observation out of this,
perhaps the best way forward is a gentle swing right before going left, or the other way around. Although, in politics and in driving, I'm not always sure about the signaling, I'll admit.

Okay, perhaps I'm making more of this sign thing I've got going than I should. Even so, I don't mind tacking on a Proverb about walking and direction just about now.

"Give careful thought to the paths for your feet
and be steadfast in all your ways."
Proverbs 4:26

So walking or driving, on a straight way or a roundabout, stay safe out there everyone.

Moving Right Along

I'm still into the signs this morning, so go with me on this.

Paul's famous "cognitive behaviour therapy" piece in Philippians 4:6-8 swings into my brain as I keep pace on my morning walk past this "No Parking" reminder.

"Do not be anxious about anything,
but in every situation,
by prayer and petition,
with thanksgiving,
present your requests to God.

"And the peace of God,
which transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

"Finally, brothers and sisters,
whatever is true,
whatever is noble,
whatever is pure,
whatever is lovely,
whatever is admirable --
if anything is excellent or praiseworthy --
think about such things."

It doesn't take much to be able to make a negative-contrast list here, of all the things we're NOT supposed to think about. And it's obvious why.

All those untrue, ignoble, impure, unlovely, deplorable, inferior and disgraceful thoughts, memories, and imaginations are like cars parked in places that disrupt the flow of traffic.

How can we get to the peace with all that in the way? How can our minds and hearts move forward to a God-breathed future, if we get stuck behind the barrier of a thought parked where it shouldn't be?

It's not like we're not supposed to think about our problems, or work through damaging events from the past. But, like the Christian cognitive behaviour therapist that walked me through a dark time in my life observed, "it seems the Bible instructs us not to think about our problems without attaching a promise."

And if the "parked car" in the way is a bold faced lie?
Like, "You're a failure." "You're not enough." "You're forgotten."
Well then.
Let's call the tow truck and get that hunk of junk out of there!

Lots of changes ahead for me, and while I embrace them, and participate freely in them, change can still be stressful. And that same therapist also reminded me that when we are under stress we tend to revert back to old, unhealthy patterns of thinking.

So I'm glad for the fresh open sky and a barrier free way before me to begin this day. I'm glad for Paul's tried and true list to keep me moving towards God's peace.

Wishing you a worry-free Wednesday, friends.

Full Stop

Got out again this morning, and pushed myself a bit further.

Feels good.

And the crab apple trees on our street are in bloom.
So pretty.

And I'm still on a sign-thing from yesterday I guess, because the way the sun was glancing off this STOP sign caught my attention.
So random, I know.

But I kind of just like the simplicity of this. The obvious benefit/danger ratio of a traffic STOP sign, and how foolish it is to ignore it. And how easily this transfers to points along the way in the everyday journey that is life.

"Stop struggling
Cease striving
Be still....
and know that I am God."
Psalm 46:10

And what if I did that in the normal course of a day, a week, a month, a year, as habitually as I do when I'm driving the car?

Full stop. One thousand and one, one thousand and two, one thousand and three.

All clear?

Move forward.

Making decisions.
Finishing one project before jumping into the next.
Giving full attention to the person I'm with.
Catching myself in a fret, tempted to rush into a solution.
Pausing in a moment of gratitude.
Breathing in the sweet moments with small children.
Discerning how to respond to an insult or criticism.
Staying still in any moment of awe.

Full stop. One thousand and one...
Oh yeah.
You are God and I am not.

And as arrogant and outrageous as that last phrase sounds when I write it out loud, isn't that what I'm confused about when I screech around the corner on my way to do everything, fix everything?

Full stop. One thousand and one...
Oh yeah.

I hope we have lots of opportunities to STOP today.
Who knows?
Might help us avoid colliding with ourselves.

A Fresh Morning Sky and a Sign

Gotta say that being in the throes of selling our home and getting sick at the same time has sort of thrown me off my game.

Normally, by this time of the season, the sun is rising at just the right moment for me to get myself out the door for some wide open space under the sky. Such a strong and orienting way to begin the day. Anytime anyone asks me what practices I observe in order to keep me spiritually balanced, sunrise walking is top on my list. (Or soon, kayaking. Same deal.)

But lately, not so much. And I'm really feeling it. Plus, open houses sort of rob you of a weekend. I know that's part of the deal, but, just sayin'.

If nothing else, it's been a solid reminder of how imperative it is for me to make sure I give myself space to breathe. Space to 'cease striving.' Space to be as gentle with myself as I expect myself to be with others. How easily my driven-ness devolves into impatience and frustration, and worse, a delusional sense of being able to control outcomes.

This sign very likely represents a work-shift reality brought on by the pandemic where now there is a lot more office space available as people remain working from home. And, of course, that's a whole different conversation.

But as I walked past it this morning I decided to make it my slogan for this week, and on into our current life adventure of the move.

At the end of every day, at the end of every week, into the hours of the weekend, there should be space available.

And can I just say? It was such a tonic for my soul to be back to worship together on Sunday morning. I need, need, need the reorientation of my spirit to the bigness of God in this way. And, as I joked with Derek, it's funny how every worship song I hear right now is all about the move.

Happy Monday.
Sure hope you are able to make space available for your own soul.
Just to breathe.
Just to be.
Just to let the sky be big and wide and wonderful.

Speak Your Name

I will speak your name.

Evelyn.

Really you.

Really us.

The other day we were asked how many grandchildren we have, 

and Grandad did that thing we always do when someone asks.

The pause to count.

And it looks bad, 

like we don't know, 

or have to think about it.

But we do have to think about it.

Because really we have six.

So you see how that works.

You left us so quickly, 

but still you're here.

Always.

You're always with us, Sweetie.

Always our baby girl.

Evelyn.

With that lovely 'y' flowing all cursive-like.

Like all your sibs.

Baby girl.

Except you wouldn't be a baby by now.

You'd be five.

If you'd stayed, you'd be five.

And somehow that makes this year sadder for me.

And all the bad things that have ever happened

can collect around it to weigh it down even more.

And I think I'll just need to stay here in this sad place for a bit.

Which I think is the cost of loving you.

Remarkable, really.

How much you are loved

and all you did was be born to us.

And then it's like I feel you tugging at my hand.

Any time I imagine you, you are always so full of joy.

Laughing.

Running.

Dancing.

I truly do believe there's a lot of dancing where you are.

And then your second name.

I will speak it too.

Hope.

Thursday's Thrillium

 

"If that's how God clothes the grass of the field (and flowers), which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you - you of little faith. So do not worry."
Matthew 6:30-31

There are brand new baby trilliums out in the woods right now. Caught these yesterday, quietly being stunning by the base of a tree.

And this morning, even though I'm not quite up to doing a full 4.5 km, I got in the van and parked strategically so that I could take in some of the sunrise in a shorter stint.

Walking weakens my worry some.
How can it not?
Look at those new white petals!
Look at that fresh wide sky!

That same Creator is creating a way forward through any and every challenge ahead. Every spring awakening, He is. Every new morning, He is. Every day, He is way ahead of me, making impossible things possible.

So, absurd alliteration addictions notwithstanding, I hope your Thursday is full of hope and expectation.

Wednesday's Wander

 

"Turn my heart toward your statutes
and not toward selfish gain."
Psalm 119:36

I have high hopes for this day.

For one, I'm feeling better enough from this nasty sinus thing that I might actually have my whole brain to work with.

Also, since Wednesdays are usually my out-and-about-and-doing-all-the-meetings-and-things day, when I have a no-meeting week, Wednesdays feel so luxurious.

Before all that, though, I'm parked for a bit in Psalm 119.
It's rich in here.

But also this.

"Selfish gain."

Argh. Don't you hate it when it stands out at you like that?

I am fully aware of the dangers here, but I find myself praying this anyways. "Lord, bring to light where and how I might be turned toward selfish gain in conflict with Your instructions for and calling on my life."

And then, is it just a coincidence that the next thought that comes to mind is "Freely you have received. Freely give." Matthew 10:8

I wonder how I can freely give today?

Of my time.

Of my money.

Of my patience and grace.

Of my love.

What opportunities await?

So yes, high expectations for this day.
There's already movement in my spirit.
Let's see where it takes me.

Hope your Wednesday has good wanderings too!

Photo: Sugarbush Trail is showing off her spring fling. Gotta love all those new little baby leaves and such!