Embracing The Uncertain

"Do one thing every day that scares you."  -  Eleanor Roosevelt

Right now this quote from Eleanor Roosevelt pretty much describes the road ahead of me in a season of transition.  Where I'm going in ministry, I've never been before.  Everything, everything is uncertain.  

This quote sits in my office at on a little shelf where I can see it easily it as I work.  It reminds me that my careful, structure-loving temperament has actually found unexpected delight in taking risks.  The kind of risks that scare me.  And I realize, with some amusement at this point of my life, that I actually am starting to like it.

This surprises me.  Even now as I approach my 61st birthday (which probably won't surprise you since I made such a BIG DEAL of turning 60 last spring), I am amused by the contrast between my childhood self and my now self.  "Ruth Anne needs to speak up more in class" my report cards always said.  I bordered on the rude side of shy right up until my mid teens.  I didn't want to try anything new.  I was afraid of, well, a lot of things.  If I wasn't sure I could control the outcome, then I didn't want to move ahead.  "Safe" was the strongest value.  "Certain" was a good thing, a smart thing even.

But something prevailed in my life to move me into a place where now I am not only willing to, but actually eager to embrace the uncertain.  That something was...an insane compunction to say "yes".

What a gift is the patient intention of a God who knows He's created you for so much more than staying "safe".  

I can see His hand time and time again, putting opportunities right smack in front of me, impossible to ignore, and terrifying for their lack of guaranteed success.  My first Sunday School class.  Camp counseling.  Getting married.  Having babies.  Home schooling.  New and increasing ministry leadership responsibilities being offered, to which I simply said 'yes', until one day I looked up and I was senior pastor of a thriving, grace-filled community of faith (and that's just about how it happened).  Opportunities for further education, community leadership, being welcomed onto teams doing important things across Ontario.  And then, as the icing on the cake, here at the other end of this long adventure, the next adventure presents itself and takes me half way around the world.  I have had no end of opportunities to step out into the uncertain.  There were failures, for sure.  But mostly, I have been over and again surprised and delighted by not just the outcomes, but what's happened inside of me.

Because here's what I've discovered.  As someone who is all about spiritual formation, fascinated by the process and effect on the human soul, here's one thing that seems to be consistently true for me, and for a lot of other people. 

A continued habit of stepping into opportunities that are ‘bigger than me’ cultivates a spiritual depth that can take you further than you ever imagined you would go.

In my world we talk a lot about spiritual disciplines - the practices which by repeated, patient application can grow your soul and move you deeper into intimacy with the Divine.  There are many recommended and beautiful and effective ways to do this.  Prayer.  Fasting.  Meditation.  Solitude.  Even Lent, in this season we find ourselves now.

But I wonder if taking risks and embracing the uncertain isn't something else we could add to the list. I wonder if "yes" isn't also a spiritual discipline.  Particularly in the face of fear.

So here I go again.  Saying yes to a new role we're calling "Missionary In Residence".  Never done this before.  A lot of new territory requiring lots of conversation, prayer, fumbling about, -  and courage, to be honest.  

But today, and for a whole lot of days ahead of me I hope, it will scare me into the certain and breath-taking embrace of God.  And there, in the uncertainty, I will be most secure.