It's not just the medication.
I'm just a tad spinny these days. I do know it does have at least a little bit to do with the medication I'm on in an effort to help my body deal with the kidney stone that is valiantly making an effort to leave me. But if I'm honest, and if I'm listening to folks around me, and even other reports on mental health and such, this sense of being on some kind of wild ride isn't just chemically induced.
My daughter, patiently listening to my latest little rant on the latest not-so-little adjustment COVID has required of me, made the compassionate comment:
"We're all a little dizzy from all this pivoting."
True, this!
Today I made what was probably the 217th change of plans just this week! This included booking an additional appointment, squeezing it into what already felt like a maxed-out schedule, only because it was needful to continue to keep an eye on what's happening for me medically. To balance this out, I briefly considered cancelling another follow up dental appointment slated for today, booked way back on December 17th. But because it had to do with a difficult tooth extraction, and because this seemed important in the overall health picture, I ventured out into the snow squalls.
When we pull into the parking lot, I find a text on my phone stating they had to cancel. You're kidding.
By the time I got home it just started to feel like too much. I'm overthinking everything, just trying to sort it out. I'm done -- all out of that stabilizing buffer we usually reserve for times of stress.
Things feel spinny. And not just from the medication.
Physically, when we feel dizzy, we reach out for something solid to lean against.
Spiritually, this is a good idea too. I reach out for a promise to steady me.
"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you.
Isaiah 54:10
Love steadies me. Ken's love, as demonstrated by the extra driving and adjustments he's been willing to do as well in all of this. My family's love, as demonstrated by compassionate responses and affirming words. Friend's love, as demonstrated by their calls of concern and care, and practical help.
And God's love, as demonstrated always and forever on the Cross, and now and right here in this strong sense of His power and presence in the midst of everything...holding me, calming me, reminding me. No matter what else gets all shaken up and spun around, His unfailing love remains rock solid.
It's a ride right now, isn't it? Hold on to something solid, friends.
May you know the stability of His love for you always.
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