Yellow Lights Are Flashing

 

Because there are so many wonderful walking trails in our part of the city, there are also numerous random places that are not actual intersections where pedestrians are supported in getting across the street.  

I cross Belmont when I'm out for my walk and, at the point where I join in on the trail, there are large white blocks painted on the road, an island in the middle where you could pause, and overhead lights, which I'll come back to in a second.  Overall, it's clearly marked.

There is also this large yellow button I can press.  And when I do, those overhead lights start to flash, and an automated voice at a decent volume says, "Yellow lights are flashing" a few times over.

A few things can happen once all of that is going on.  Specifically, cars may or may not come to a stop.

As a driver, I have to admit, I can sort of understand this.  Now that I live in the area, I am ever so much more aware of these crossing places, and make sure as I approach that there are no pedestrians or bicycles approaching.  

But before that, those flashing lights, to be honest, may have escaped my notice.  The sound system in my vehicle is not connected to the animated voice (which would be a good trick).  It's not like an intersection where you expect you might have to stop, and even when you do, it's not every time.   If I'm not paying 100% attention, which you're supposed to do behind the wheel, I could easily miss it.

And that's exactly what I'm thinking about as a pedestrian.  Those cars coming down the way?  I'm just going to wait here a second beside the big yellow button and see if they stop.  And when they do, I smile and wave thank you and demonstrate just a little pick up in my step to be a grateful, courteous pedestrian.  

And off we go, driver and pedestrian, on our merry little ways into our respective lives.  

Seems to me I have been both in my interactions with folks.  Both the driver with all the damaging potential of a vehicle, and the pedestrian all vulnerable and at-risk.  In some settings, at certain times of my life, I come into a situation with a degree of authority and confidence perhaps oblivious to the more delicate or even wounded state of someone else in the room.  And in other settings, at certain times of my life, I'm the delicate, wounded one in danger of being knocked over.

Maybe I wish there were flashing lights and an automated voice for every potentially damaging encounter.  You'd go into a meeting, or a conversation, or even a family dinner and everyone could hear it; "Yellow lights are flashing."  Be careful here, lest you do damage or be damaged.  

The thing is, like the random crossings, it's not every time.  It can take you by surprise.  Sometimes you see the pedestrian and you can stop a ways back and let them know they are safe and seen, and sometimes you don't.  Sometimes you remember to wait for all the cars to stop so you can cross safely, and sometimes you don't.

So what to do?

Maybe two things.  And Paul can help us here.

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, 

forgiving each other, 

just as in Christ God forgave you." 

Ephesians 4:32

One, be kind and compassionate.  Slow down, take a breath, read the room.  Ask questions and really listen.  If you are the one with any advantage in the relationship or situation whatsoever, be mindful of power imbalances, choice of words, even the volume or tone of your voice.  "Seek first to understand rather than be understood," as Steven Covey would remind us.  Submit your strength to the other.  Stop way back of the line and let others know you are safe.

Two, forgive.  Assume the best not the worst of those who fail to stop and notice your vulnerability.  Realize that not every demonstration of power is intentionally meant to hold you back or harm you.  Forgive when stronger people blunder, because they will, and so will you.  Additionally, wait at the curb until you sense you have the safe space to cross into the conversation.  Push the yellow button and advocate for what you need.  But exercise the grace that was given you.  Remember the times when you're the one behind the wheel.

Caveat:  Some damage is severe, I know.  That is a different conversation.

But I wonder, as I am out on my walk, as I live out an ordinary day....as I move through my relationships,....just applying this to myself...what can happen if I understand myself as both?