Twenty times around the island so far this summer.
My all time high was 36, but that was 2023 when the weather was in my favour, and we weren't moving and I didn't have my appendix out.
Truth be told, there's something in me every season that wants to beat that highest number; to push myself to achieve it. If I make it to 37 this year, I'll try to do 38 next. Like that. It's that same part of me that, in its best form has helped me achieve anything I can count as an accomplishment over my whole life; any commitment I've had to see through; any project I've taken on. A drive, a desire to do better, a passion to become all that God has called me to be. This is good.
But it's also a part of me that can easily get short-circuited and end up being stuck on overdrive. When that has happened in the past, it's caused me no end of angst, self-loathing, and no end of whacked out cortisol saturation, harming body, mind and soul in ways truly dangerous.
I'm sixty-nine, and by now I have had decades of practice balancing the two sides of this part of me. I now see the tendency towards perfectionism as more of a gift than a curse, and have learned to celebrate who I am, and offer it back to God to use as He directs.
So for what it's worth, I'd like to offer a few what I hope to be helpful thoughts.
If they resonate, great. If not, just pass it by.
The desire to be perfect isn't in itself a defect.
It was such a gift when I sat with a therapist who reminded me that a deep desire to get things "just right" was a reflection of being made in the image of a perfect God. This image-bearing component of the human soul can be seen in our capacity to love, forgive, and create. And it is sometimes felt by some of us as a deep love for perfection. Put the tips of your fingers together in a cluster up to you lips, then make a mmwaaa-kissing sound and open up your hand at the same time. Like that. We sure are glad when the people who build our homes, put together our computers, or do our surgeries are committed to that kind of perfection. So if it's a part of who you are, yay!
Part of self-love is loving that you're human.
Embracing our humanity, in all it's beauty and potential, means also embracing our limitations and brokenness with the same grace and compassion we expect ourselves to show others. Nobody's perfect. We all mess up. We only have the capacities we have. God knows we are 'but dust' (Psalm 103:14-16), a clear reference to the creation story and how humans came into being (Genesis 2:7). Even Jesus - God with human skin on - needed to eat, sleep and protect time to be alone. He understands. It's okay if you don't get it perfect every time. Honest.
Observing Sabbath rhythms is even more vital for those with more driven personalities.
Because God knows we're only human He built resting right into obedience. As in, one of the Ten Commandments. The humility of letting go of the need to produce, taking our hands off the wheel at regular, disciplined intervals, whatever that looks like in your life and schedule, allows us the essential space to be a human being, instead of a human doing; to meet with God in ways intimate and life-giving.
Don't be stupid.
The desire for perfection can often enough cause us to leave our executive functioning out of the conversation. Like the one day late in a season when I tried to get around the island just one more time to achieve whatever goal it was that year, even though it looked a little windy even on our protected bay. By the time I was out around the point exposed to the open water, I really had to pull and pull hard to keep myself off the rocks and get myself back to safer waters. Not smart. When we put our own well-being at stake, that's not honouring to anyone. It's just stupid. There's a way to be driven and be smart about it. Think it through. Listen to others around you who love you, until you can learn to listen to the voice of Jesus telling you to sit down and be still.
At this point, some might be making a face that says, "Well, duh." Sounds pretty obvious to non-driven personalities who have lesser temptation to try to beat last year's times around the island in the kayak. God bless your heart.
For those of you who do, who find yourselves setting big goals, and making strategic plans, writing out the lists, and not even remembering necessarily that it's summertime in Ontario right now...
Hope you get to lay low for a bit.
Rest and enjoy the slower pace of life.
Don't stop being you, though.
The world needs what you bring to us, all robust and energetic and accomplished.
Monday morning folks!!
Hope the week brings good things, no matter what your particular goals might be!
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