The Healing Silence

Heaven, I am convinced, is THIS quiet.

At least there must be parts of it that are, parts different than the worship party and/or megafeast described in the Revelation.

I'm certain that there are little corners where no human or even angelic-made noise interrupts the silent, wondrous anti-noises of the new earth, restored and perfected to its original intention and thereby inviting the soul to feed on peace.

Otherwise, why would there be all those texts that invite us to be still, and come away? Why would Jesus have been drawn to those solitary places?

If I'm right, I'm touching some of Heaven now.

I am remembering who I am.

Battle fatigue. Makes the contrasts between being in the midst of the deafening, chaotic noise and being silently away from it all somewhat startling. The relentless, randomness that characterized this ministry season just past has left deep wounds of exhaustion, wounds I did not even know I had sustained until I came away to this Heaven-space and, in the silence, began to heal.

Brutal season. One of the most draining and demanding I can remember.

And as the grand finale, I officiated at three funerals within eight days, just before getting here. So I've been thinking about the other-side stuff in the Bible more than usual. And if we understand correctly the parts about being "completed", being the best version of ourselves once we're there, then it makes sense that I might begin to feel the healing of being more me in the silence that is Heaven-on-earth to me.

So this morning I heal in the quiet of the bay, here beside still waters that remind my soul that eventually the chaos will be done, and that I am destined for beautiful things.

Like this.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

A Tribute To Run Home To

Remembering Dale and George and Jon
Surrounding little Aurora with love to take her Home 
Run hard into His arms, precious saints (Psalm 116:15)

Forever Reign
Hillsong

You are good, You are good  
When there's nothing good in me  
You are love, You are love  
On display for all to see  
You are light, You are light  
When the darkness closes in  
You are hope, You are hope  
You have covered all my sin
 
You are peace, You are peace  
When my fear is crippling  
You are true, You are true  
Even in my wandering  
You are joy, You are joy  
You're the reason that I sing  
You are life, You are life, 
In You death has lost its sting
 
Oh, I'm running to Your arms, 
I'm running to Your arms  
The riches of Your love  
Will always be enough  
Nothing compares to Your embrace  
Light of the world forever reign



You are more, You are more  
Than my words will ever say  
You are Lord, You are Lord 
All creation will proclaim  
You are here, You are here 
In Your presence I'm made whole  
You are God, You are God 
Of all else I'm letting go
 
Oh, I'm running to Your arms  
I'm running to Your arms  
The riches of Your love  
Will always be enough  
Nothing compares to Your embrace  
Light of the world forever reign
My heart will sing no other Name  
Jesus, Jesus

And God Still Writes the Story

Sovereign by Chris Tomlin

Today I again declare God's sovereignty over my life, my family, my ministry, my future.
Five years.  And He's been everything we've needed, every single day.

Sovereign in the mountain air
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm

Sovereign in my greatest joy
Sovereign in my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn

In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

Sovereign in the mountain air
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm

Sovereign in my greatest joy
Sovereign in my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn

In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

All my hopes
All I need
Held in your hands

All my life
All of me
Held in your hands

All my fears
All my dreams
Held in your hands

In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

Time for an Update

I've been here in Thailand now for - wow- 16 days already!  It's been an incredibly busy time, and I've given more attention to the Team blog - Highview to Thailand http://highviewtothailand.blogspot.com/-  than my own personal blog.   I'll suggest you go there to get more details about this 2013 Trip and the adventures of the 10 Highviewers who are here for another incredible visit with our Hot Springs kids.

For now, for me, I just want to introduce my new little guy Eg.  These past six years I've had the great privilege of sponsoring Thim, a lovely young lady who will graduate this year and head off to university.  She's here now still, and beautiful and strong and ready to take on the next steps of her emerging adult life.  I'll continue to sponsor her, for sure, as is our option as Sponsors with Asia's Hope.

But last year when Suradet asked if we could add three more children to our Hot Springs family, I agreed to take on one of them.

Here he is.

It's a surreal thing to make the connection.  The language and culture barriers, although SO much less than when I was first getting to know Thim, still make for some shyness for both of us.  I don't want to come on too strong, or be in his space too quickly.  I am after all, a stranger, and an old white lady from Canada to boot.

But...he's so cute!!!  Eight years old but very small.  Looks more like five, really.  However, what he lacks in physical stature he makes up for in spunk.  This little guy is the first to volunteer when I ask for a child to come help me tell a story during devotions time.  He's right in there on the football (soccer) field with all the bigger kids, running like crazy and afraid of nothing.  And his little face is concentrated and joyful when he sings for all he's worth during worship time.

Already I love him.

I do.  It's what happens.

Someone once said, "Love like you won't get hurt."  That's what I'm doing.  And I know it.  These kids are so vulnerable, even now in their rescued state.  They grow up.  They leave home.  Just like here.  And my heart wants to stay connected with Thim, but she's under no obligation whatsoever.  I'm hoping that the fact she calls me 'mother' is a good sign.  Eg is a fair bit aways from that yet.

Five spaces are opening up at Hot Springs.  One child most probably already has a Sponsor, I just have to confirm.  But there are four more faces, just like Eg's.  For more lives.  For more children who will receive a roof over their heads, nutritious meals every day, an education, an identity, some dignity.  Four more children who are waiting to be adopted into this incredible family.

If you want to be part of the love, you can email me at rabreithaupt@buildingbiggerhearts.ca.  I'd love to tell Suradet, before I leave on April 4th, that all five children are spoken for.

Cleared for Take Off!

The doctor gave me the green light today.  I'm on my way with our fantastic Team, heading to Thailand to visit our beautiful Thai family at Hot Springs.

Down to the wire, this was.  Glad for this, oh so glad!  I believe something good is about to happen, something important. 

Thanks for all the support and love and prayers.  Will keep you posted.

7 mm of Uncertainty

My ticket says I'm to get on a plane around lunch time on Tuesday and fly away to Thailand.

A 7 mm kidney stone that decided to 'journey to the light' starting last Thursday says, "We'll see about that."

After 15 months of completely symptom-free living with the diagnosis of kidney stones, and a mere 10 days before my next trip to Hot Springs, things have gotten dicey.  There's a Team of 10 of us from Highview all set to visit our Thai family and to partner with them in running an ESL Day Camp for neighbouring children.  We've be working hard for months.  We're basically all packed already.  Supplies are gathered and purchased.  Lessons are set to go.  Hearts are ready to both give and receive.  There's a mere three days until departure as I write this.

But when last seen via ultrasound last Monday, a 7 mm stone had not yet made its way all the way.  And due to the time it takes reports to get to a specialist and the rather demanding schedule of a specialist, I can't get in to see the specialist until the day before.  I'm not kidding.  The day before I'm set to lead a Team half way around the world is the day I'll know if I'm clear to fly - or not.

This presses every first-born-female, Type A, anal and structured button in me.  And believe me, I have a lot of those.   A last-minute, seat-of-your-pants decision on something like THIS?  Come on!  Yes, I have mellowed over the years.  Ministry and children and age and grandchildren and reality will do that to you.  But, come on!

And yet.

It occurs to me that I mean it when I sing those songs of utter surrender in church.  I'm very sure I mean it when I pray those Mary prayers of being His maidservant and letting it be unto me as He has said, in private.  I know that I mean it when I raise that white flag, and lay my palms upward, and step aside to get out of His way figuratively and actually.

I do.  Belong to Him.  I. Am.  His.

And I mean it.

So there's no wailing to be done here.  No questioning.  No begging.  Yes, I've been prayed over and I'm praying even now that the stone will be gone and I'll be released to do this unbelievably fabulous thing I get to do each year with these heroes that somehow call me friend.  I've 'let my requests be known' to the Father Healer.  I've laid out the desires of my heart to Yahweh, just like He asked me to.

But I'm not demanding.  I'm not freaking.  Instead I find myself in a new place of resting.  I think, I think I actually do trust Him on this.  Go or not go.  Even this, as important as it is to me.  It's up to Him.

Don't like the not knowing.  Don't like that 7 mm is causing all this uncertainty.  Don't like putting the Team in this place.

But God's got this.

So...my part right now is to drink and pee, pack and wait.

So will you hear from me next in Thailand?  I'll keep you posted.

Confidence

"What kind of leader is able to call people to wait on God in the face of real threat,

when all of their survival instincts are raging?  

What inner strength does a leader need to be able to access in order to stay calm, 

to quiet the primal instincts of others, 

and to create space for turning to God in the midst of such fierce human reactivity?  

Only a leader who has waited for God in the darkest moments of his own deep need.  

Only a leader who has stood still and waited for God's deliverance 

in the places where she feared for her very life.  

Only the leader with inner spiritual authority 

that comes from his own waiting can ask others to do the same."

Ruth Haley Barton 

Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership

So far 2013 has been all over the map for me.

It's been a time of huge adjustments on the home front as Ken and I settle in once again to what it means to be empty nesters, following the very good event of our daughter and two grandchildren being able to move into a home of their own just before Christmas.  Love the space.  Can't say I hate the quiet.  But I miss them still, very much, and it's February already.  Thought I might be done that by now.

Other relationships are in flux too.  Shifts and separations and deepenings and wanings.  I'm discovering new territories in my heart that I didn't know were there, and I haven't yet decided if I like the new landscape or not.  Feels weird inside of me right now.  Thought I might have figured out how to do relationships by now.

We've actually had winter this year, and my people are feeling it, and I, their pastor, feel it with them.  Several, over-the-top life situations in our faith community all chose February as their arrival date. Highview herself, now 15 plus years old, is experiencing her own brand of teenage angst, with changes and morphings and new faces around the table and a brand new world of understandings and relevance and theological reflection.  New dynamics.  New ways of doing things.  Being pushed on my values at almost every turn.

I feel stretched, yet again, in my ability to lead in love through what is very much another sort of brand new territory.  Why is it the older you get the more you realize that what you know only opens you to what you don't know?  Thought I might know a bit more than this by now.

It's not exactly a time of intensive threat, as Barton describes above.  She's comparing Moses' experience standing in front of the Red Sea just before it parted, to what leaders often feel in the midst of a ministry crisis.  There are no Egyptians bearing down on us, on me, right now, at least not that I'm aware of.

Still, I needed this reminder today.  I am comforted again by the truth that the courage to navigate new territories doesn't come from having lived life lightly.   Looking back on the times when 'real threat' was , well, really threatening, and remembering the more-than-adequate guts that God provided me in each and every situation, I know that I have already been well prepared for any next steps He leads me to take.

I can do this.
All of it.
The relationships.
The ministry challenges.
The next steps.

Boldly.  With great calm and confidence.

Not by my own devices.
But in the power of a God who just keeps on showing up.