7 mm of Uncertainty

My ticket says I'm to get on a plane around lunch time on Tuesday and fly away to Thailand.

A 7 mm kidney stone that decided to 'journey to the light' starting last Thursday says, "We'll see about that."

After 15 months of completely symptom-free living with the diagnosis of kidney stones, and a mere 10 days before my next trip to Hot Springs, things have gotten dicey.  There's a Team of 10 of us from Highview all set to visit our Thai family and to partner with them in running an ESL Day Camp for neighbouring children.  We've be working hard for months.  We're basically all packed already.  Supplies are gathered and purchased.  Lessons are set to go.  Hearts are ready to both give and receive.  There's a mere three days until departure as I write this.

But when last seen via ultrasound last Monday, a 7 mm stone had not yet made its way all the way.  And due to the time it takes reports to get to a specialist and the rather demanding schedule of a specialist, I can't get in to see the specialist until the day before.  I'm not kidding.  The day before I'm set to lead a Team half way around the world is the day I'll know if I'm clear to fly - or not.

This presses every first-born-female, Type A, anal and structured button in me.  And believe me, I have a lot of those.   A last-minute, seat-of-your-pants decision on something like THIS?  Come on!  Yes, I have mellowed over the years.  Ministry and children and age and grandchildren and reality will do that to you.  But, come on!

And yet.

It occurs to me that I mean it when I sing those songs of utter surrender in church.  I'm very sure I mean it when I pray those Mary prayers of being His maidservant and letting it be unto me as He has said, in private.  I know that I mean it when I raise that white flag, and lay my palms upward, and step aside to get out of His way figuratively and actually.

I do.  Belong to Him.  I. Am.  His.

And I mean it.

So there's no wailing to be done here.  No questioning.  No begging.  Yes, I've been prayed over and I'm praying even now that the stone will be gone and I'll be released to do this unbelievably fabulous thing I get to do each year with these heroes that somehow call me friend.  I've 'let my requests be known' to the Father Healer.  I've laid out the desires of my heart to Yahweh, just like He asked me to.

But I'm not demanding.  I'm not freaking.  Instead I find myself in a new place of resting.  I think, I think I actually do trust Him on this.  Go or not go.  Even this, as important as it is to me.  It's up to Him.

Don't like the not knowing.  Don't like that 7 mm is causing all this uncertainty.  Don't like putting the Team in this place.

But God's got this.

So...my part right now is to drink and pee, pack and wait.

So will you hear from me next in Thailand?  I'll keep you posted.