Jai Yen Yen

It happened during an English lesson, as these things so often do. 

In preparation for the evening's ESL time with the kids, I was going over with Suradet the list of rhyming words I wanted to introduce.  We came to the 'ill' column.  Fill, will, mill, swill, trill...  Quite randomly, I had put 'chill' and 'pill' one right after the other, and it reminded me of a somewhat sarcastic way of telling someone to relax.  Without thinking, I taught it to Suradet.

"Take a chill pill."

Two things made this fun.  One was the fact that Thai's are ever so polite, so even to hear Suradet say these words seemed so out of character as to be quite amusing to me.  I reminded them that this was 'mai gringjai', not polite, and was to be saved for family or other relationships where a good joke would be appreciated. 

The second fun thing is how Thai's have a hard time pronouncing the 'l' sound at the end of a word.  It more often comes out sounding more like an ee-o kind of sound.  So what Suradet was really saying was 'Take a chee-o pee-o."  We had some good fun as he repeated it in order to learn it.   And of course, we had to rehearse some of the Thai sounds that I still can't quite get my mouth around either, just because.

And it turned out to be more fun later.  Because several times during my stay following that impromptu lesson, Suradet found occasions to use it with me.  I know.  Shocking to think that there ever would be a situation where I might be coming across as in a hurry, or otherwise wound up at all.  But boldly, brazenly, and quite delightfully showing a greater comfort and familiarity with me, he would look for times when my type-A self would sneak out around the edges of my attempts to be Thai, and tell me, "Ahjahn Ruth.  Take a chee-o pee-o."  Got to be something of an endearing inside joke.

Somewhere along the way I learned the Thai equivalent.  "Jai yen yen."  Oh so much more polite and delicate.  It means, as best I can interpret it, "heart just right", or "settled heart".  To say it to someone is to wish them that sense of inner harmony.

In these first days back I am quite happily amazed at how 'jai yen yen' my heart has been.  I was expecting that being away for three months would render me awkward and disoriented upon my return, but such has not been the case.  Perhaps it's because the weather is relatively mild for December, or because there have been some lovely welcoming surprises, or because I'm so well prayed for right now it's not funny.  Whatever the reason, I have returned so far to what I might say is the smoothest transition home from any time I've been away in Thailand.  Even the trip home itself didn't seem so bad.

Except.

I'm ruined now of course.  There's an aspect where my heart can't ever really be 'yen yen' ever again.  Because now, no matter where I am on the planet, I am painfully aware of the absence of someone I with I could be with.  When I'm there I miss my beloveds here, and when I here I miss my beloveds there.  That's achey, and that's the truth.

Except.

I feel so wholly loved, that even in the painful missing of beloveds, there is a bigger sense that all is right with my heart.  Because to know this much love is truly a gift and I am astonished that this gift is mine so lavishly.  And it fills my heart with so much yen it's not funny.

Christmas is soon and somehow this comforts me.  Mom's Home for Christmas.  So am I.   And life's not simple and there's lots of hard work to do come the New Year, and several factors are unknown.  But 'jai yen yen'.  It is well with my soul.