Unexpected Reflections

I have captured an accidental reflection, and it's inspiring something wild out of me today.

See, words are reluctant things sometimes. Not every day words; I find myself with plenty of those. 

But these words here, the reflective words, the words reserved for plumbing the deeper places of the soul and daring to put them 'out there' like we do these days, on blogs and such...  Words for trying to figure things out.  Those words have been skittish this fall.  So, I have respected their reluctance.

Since posting last (August 15)  the year has stayed true to its apparent determination to press me to the max in almost every way imaginable.  Stress unyielding.  Random, relentless, and sometimes horrific events, and not any of it the result of logical consequences or decisions made on my own part or on the part of others also affected.  Deep, unspeakable losses.   The 'here and now' of life has dished out some pretty wretched stuff.  On many days the phrase 'there are no words' was exactly true.  So I refrained from writing them.

But on Sunday, pre-service, as I received the morning's gift of worship as our band rehearsed, I accidentally snapped a picture of self-reflection that, by this afternoon, when I looked again at the picture, seemed to ask to be expressed.  Because without realizing it, there I was, framed in one of the silver bulbs that hangs on the tree in our auditorium.

And what I want to say about it is this.  You have to really look for it.

There's much about Christmas that's obvious.  You can tell it's Christmas by the way things look and sound and feel and smell.  And I enjoy all of this, for sure.  My home is decked out.  My office is decked out.  The music, the music is so lovely and life-giving.  Missed all this anticipation of Christmas last year when I was away in a culture that does not celebrate Christmas.

But it's not the deeper picture of myself this year.  Upon more subtle reflection, I find myself more fiercely and determinedly joyful.  Not just glad for Christmas, but gladder for Jesus than I've ever been before.  Not just celebrating Christmas, but living it out in the real and anguishing places where hope and peace are so desperately needed, and Christ's coming is so vividly, wildly relieving!  

Oh for joy!  Christ has come!  Deeper ways of knowing this gospel proclamation are swinging me in ecstatic circles of absolute certainty that I would die without this.  God has shown up in ways that take my breath away, and give me strength and courage and fist-clenching resolve to be about His mission, now more than ever.

I am weary from this year, yes.  But upon closer inspection, I find my soul feisty for joy, and receiving it, dancing in it, declaring it loudly, despite the attempts of the past several months to crush it out of me.  But they didn't.  Because....Jesus.  Because....Immanuel.  Because.....Love.

Because this year, this whole beautifully terrible year, represents exactly, exactly why He came.