I Find Myself In August

Is it just me, or does half way through August always start to feel like summer is almost over?

I know.  I'm sorry.  Some folks don't like it if you even start talking about it.  And, like them, I am guarding my words, and my thinking, and doing my best to stay present in these right-now-not-over summer moments.  And I have to say, this particular August is being all super-summery to the max.  Hot, hot, hot!  Great swimming.   Out early in the kayak, and I still work up a sweat.  No end of sunshine.

So, it's not like it feels like fall yet, not at all.

But that dang calendar!  And the emails (some I'm generating myself!) that alert us of what's ahead in September.  And -- here's where it's bugging me the most -- that long list of all that I had hoped to accomplish when I snuck off early (beginning of June) to the comparative 'isolation' of island living, but I haven't done enough of it yet.

In my defense, or perhaps this is a confession, there hasn't actually yet been one single week since arriving June 4 where something isn't 'going on.'  Comings and goings of family and friends.  Meetings online and dinner invitations in person.  A few trips back and forth to the city in the mix.  And other opportunities to serve in a profession that does indeed have an understood component of responding when a need arises.  

I'm not complaining, although I suppose it could easily sound like I am.  I said yes to all of it.  And there's good joy and connection in all of it.  And, as best I can tell, it was all needful and in line with the bigger purposes of my life.  

But I'm just surprised.  Summer's almost over, and I might need to pull up and take stock here for a second.

I've been at the cottage all this time, but I still might need to push back a little and declare a 'no meeting week.'  Sounds ridiculous, I know, being 'away' and all.  But I confess that just I was writing that, my body did one of those involuntary deep shudder sighs.  Oh, okay.  I'm listening.

[Long pause to just be quiet for a bit.]

I suppose it's true what they say.  "Wherever you go, there you are."  Being 'away' doesn't mean I've shed the habits and idiosyncrasies of my temperament.  Doesn't mean I can abandon the practices that help keep me balanced and healthy and sane.  And while the environment here by the water does have an overall calming effect, I'm still accountable for how I steward my energies and time.

It's still new, this working-from-home-but-not-at-home-in-the-city thing.  Last summer we had the big move.  This summer there've been other challenges to deal with to distract us from a true summer mode.  I'm not really sure I can say I've had a good 'baseline' to go by yet, if such a thing exists.  But putting that excuse aside, I am glad for these mid-August moments of taking stock, of being humbled, and of surrendering myself again to the grace and compassion of a God who doesn't give up on me.

  

He's tender in these moments.  Holy hush.  With my calendar open before me, He doesn't say much.  Just - we observe it together.  Oh, yes.  There it is.  And then, gently, make the changes that make for space.   I hold my breath in His nearness.   Feel the openness wash over me.  Then breathe again, more deeply.

And maybe August is the perfect time for this.