I want to be careful here.
I love my big-church brothers and sisters, both those leading them and those involved in any other way in the fabulous ministries they have. Many are very dear friends of mine. I am delighted to be part of City Watch in Kitchener Waterloo, a gathering of church and para-church leaders, where our emphasis is this idea that we are "one church" in the city, doing what we do together better than if we kept to ourselves. And I believe in that. Very much.
So what follows is not in any way, by any means, an us-and-them polemic.
Because I also love pastors of small churches and the churches they love and lead!!!!!
The thing is, there are countless pastors of small churches out there who are "suffering from debilitation and even depression fostered by a lack of significance" and, I would add, by an unnecessary negative comparison to the perception that huge equals success. Quoting again Karl Vaters in The Grasshopper Myth, "God has a lot of demoralized leaders."
This breaks my heart. Because I've done that trek, and it's crushing.
We can't help it, us pastor types, this comparison thing. In a vocation that already is not particularly esteemed within our current post-modern culture (see Gary Nelson's Borderland Churches for stats and history), the most we can hope for is some sort of validity within our own circles. Unfortunately, we're human enough to default into measuring our success, our importance, by the optics. And the biggest optics happen around Sunday morning attendance and the size of the building where that congregation meets. And if you have a smaller building, well then, at the very least, you surely must be having 'multiple services'.
Multiple services, multiple staff, multiple baptisms, multiple anything. It all sounds like growth, and it is growth. Just not the only kind of growth that happens in the kingdom of God.
My heart breaks because for such a long time I was focused on these optics and getting disillusioned and disheartened. I had tried to be all the things the conference speakers said I should be. Tried to implement all the strategies the assessment tools said should be implemented. Tried to attract the "right" kind of people. I blamed myself. And worked harder.
And all the while when it wasn't "happening", all the while I was working so hard but not getting the results I expected, I was missing the very things God was doing among us, not in spite of, but largely because of the fact that we were a small church!
The 'aha' happened in a time we Bible-types can sometimes call 'wrestling with God'. I had gone away overnight for a time of solitude, and I was prepared to duke this out with Him. A ways into my
Instead I surrendered, like a child having a meltdown finally relaxes into the arms of her parent. Okay, Lord. This is Your church. Have it Your way.
Which is what He was going to do anyways. And oh, I am so glad He did.
Because not so coincidentally, after that time, I started to see God doing no end of amazing things in the hearts of our people. Passion for social justice began to manifest itself in positive action with real life results. Young people who were supposed to be leaving the church in droves were sticking around and taking new responsibilities of leadership and involvement. Folks of all stripes were being cared for and embraced within the organic relational web of knowing and being known that happens quite naturally in a church our size. Neighbours were being fed. Orphans were brought into a family. Seniors were being housed. Marriages were being fortified. Life was being offered, and received, and poured out again in blessing. Stuff like mercy and love and joy and kindness and perseverance and gentleness and self-control was becoming more and more evident in our ways of being the church together.
A work in progress for sure. Not perfect, since I was in the midst of it. But even in that, even in daring to be transparent enough to take my own stumbling steps of spiritual formation within this community, I sensed more and more the grace and love that told me we were a successful church.
These are harder things to see. Can't really put it all on pictures or cool videos on our website. Didn't change much the size of our Sunday morning attendance. But it was 'happening'.
And it was 'happening' in a small church.
I didn't stumble upon Karl Vader's book until after my own trek through this crush. I am grateful for church Elders who stayed focused on the important things despite their own temptations to compare. I am grateful for mentors and encouragers who kept telling me what they saw in me that God wanted to use for the kingdom. Mostly, I am grateful for the beautiful, honest people who somehow kept at it even when I was having my own flares of temper, and stayed with me, stayed with each other, until we came out the other side to see the brilliance of God's better story for us.
So, pastor of a small church. Carry on! Stand firm. Let nothing move you. You have an essential ministry assignment. Those people God gave you? They are yours to love and lead and be with. Love deeply these cherished ones. And let them love you. They are showing you the face of God.
There is good work happening in hearts all around you. Your church has every reason to be successful without the mega in front of it. Stay healthy. Yes, work on healthy. Read books that draw you into the deeper places of pastoral contemplation. Books by authors like Peterson, Palmer, Willard, and Nouwen.
Love your Bible. Pray like you mean it. Listen to the stories of your people. Stay open. Partner with the bigger churches around you. Watch for all God will bring you, as with Him, you build this God-sized church He's asking you to shepherd.
Maybe you will grow big in numbers. Maybe you won't.
Either way, what an honour to do this thing we do. And you're not alone.
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