When It All Starts To Make Sense

Photo Credit:  Evangeline Wilton

It's more than just the lack of humidity these first few days.  Although it does provide a metaphor.

I've been here in November before, but don't remember it being quite this pleasant.  Temperatures are very agreeable for sleeping at night, and, during the day, a high of 30ish is a a fine contrast to the cold and rainy and windy weather we left behind.  But even more, there's really no humidity to speak of.   And I'm sure that wasn't the case when I was here in the fall of 2015.  All day I feel it.  Just that easy comfort of a perfect day of warmth and sunshine, relaxed and deeply convinced that this is where I need to be right now.

If humidity makes heat feel hotter, then we could say stress makes work - even well loved work - 'workier'.  Not as organic, not as focused, not as enjoyable.

Despite the strong matters that made it difficult to leave (and which very much still occupy my heart and my prayers) I find again that happy reality I experienced when I was here in August.  I am now doing this one thing.  And now, doing this part of what I believe God is asking me to do is so much more organic, focused and enjoyable in this new reality.

I'm hating to admit it for fear it may sound like I did not love being a pastor.  I did.  With my whole heart.  Enough to make these past five months drill down into the work of grieving and of letting go.  I don't think that is done either.

But being here and feeling the difference - the difference in how much I can be fully present in each moment, how easier it is to adapt and go with the flow, how clear-minded I am about what I'm teaching and for my language study, and how often I feel myself ride a little wave of "I can't believe I get to do this!!!!" - I think something very wonderful is starting to make sense.

This stepping aside from pastor and moving into missionary was a good idea.

When you make a decision as impactful as stepping away from a ministry you helped birth, and have been actively and ridiculously involved in throughout it's 20 year history, when you do that, it really shakes your pysche.  But here I feel oriented again, in my element again, like things fit again.

And with the clearer air of just one focus, yes, I can breathe easier. 

Of course, having said all that, I'm here for the month and then, oh glorious then, on December 2, I get to be back at Highview again.  So I think, this visit, there's also a LOT to look forward to going home.

Photo Credit: Evangeline Wilton

The month is still before me. 

We've only begun the first of three units prepared to help us be Strong, Smart and Savoury.  We're memorizing Zechariah 4:6.  We've got 100 words of vocab to learn.  And I get to distill it all into a research paper about this very thing that has captured my heart - cross cultural ministry relationships.

Here comes another little wave because, really...

I can't believe I get to do this!