My brilliant idea is to form two circles, one inside the other and facing each other so that we could go through the introduction phrases we've learned in English. The outside circle was to move on my call, and each new partner would exchange a different phrase. And it would have worked, I think, had I not by accident ended up making the inner circle boys and the outer circle girls.
Even before this Thai culture faux pas, the kids are a bit rangy tonight. Easily distracted, not really engaging in the lesson like they usually do. An unexpected guest has detained both Suradet and Yupa, so there's the added factor of the absence of 'the parents' that may or may not have left room for the sillies to squeeze in.
I'm not sure where it breaks down, but I suspect there is some teasing going on, on the part of the slightly older boys with their slightly younger sisters. And the sisters are not taking it well, making faces and even - yes, our sweet Thai girls - swinging out a foot to bang on a big brother's shin in protest.
This is not behaviour I've observed here before. So I stop the exercise, express appropriate amounts of displeasure, and move us quickly to another part of the lesson. Later, when Suradet has arrived, I say so again, with the help of translation. "This is not okay", I state simply and rather directly.
So it's Suradet's own response at the very end of the evening that puts me to pondering the gentleness factor. And this behaviour, what he does with the misbehaviour, I have observed here before. I might call it the Thai-style scolding. Only 'scolding' isn't really what happens.
Suradet is a master at using humour and slight exaggeration to get the point across. He reminds us all what good Thai manners look like, demonstrating how it's NOT done to contrast the good behaviour he is hoping to inspire. His soft-clown routine is well received, and honestly just a lot of fun to watch.
Taking the opportunity further, he introduces another apparently correction-worthy subject of late, that being the care one should take in proper personal hygiene. He talks about clean fingernails, combed hair, and daily showers. This prompts several of the boys to take a quick sniff of their armpits to check on things. Bang gives himself a thumbs up. There's a lot of giggling and mutual encouragement. High fives. Smiles. All the while paying respectful attention to Suradet and his 'scolding'.
Why do we in the West always tend to bring out the cannons when all we need is a water gun?
And not just in dealings with children, but in our interactions with one another? It's a skill we lost somehow, most of us at least, on the way up the ladder of efficiency and individualism and achievement and the 'good life' and the insatiable need to be right, to be first. We are quick to judge and express that judgement. We somehow admire leaders especially when they 'cut through the crap' and 'tell it like it is', regardless of the damage that can be done. We value 'truth' over 'relationship' far more than we realize, I'm thinking now as I listen to Suradet. When did we lose the ability to be gentle while saying what needs to be said? Some of us anyways. Me included.
Maybe I hear a protest. Western culture does not lack gentleness, it might be argued. And true enough, I am grateful for those in my world back at home who demonstrate this gentle way in how they speak and respond and think and love. I am grateful for you.
But here it's not a 'thing', something to work on, to try to be mindful of. It just is. It's breathed, it's part of the DNA of the culture. Hard to explain unless you come here to receive it for yourself.
I am a beyond-word grateful receiver of this gentleness, badly needed in the in between of ministry seasons. Things said to me, things I've said, leave wounds this gentleness touches with healing.
As is always the case when I'm here,
I learn.
I breath it in.
I want to lead from this.
I want to live from this.
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