When You Can't Be There But You Are

 A vivid memory from my second trip to Thailand, and my first time actually staying at Hot Springs, happened after all the goodbyes and I was sitting on the plane waiting for take off.  In all the ways something can 'grip your heart', it actually felt like that in my chest.  And all I could think-scream inside my head was, "What have you done!?"  I was about to leave and go very, very far away from people I had hopelessly fallen in love with.

So.  Far.

Half a world away.

It's an occupational hazard, I guess, for those of us who find ourselves between the spaces because of what we've been called to do.  Or, more simply perhaps, it's the reality for lots of families.  You are irrevocably tied to people you love who are very, very far away on the planet, but very, very close to your heart.

I have been oh so blessed to have my own, DNA grandchildren so close.  We live literally 6 minutes and 10 minutes away from each other.  They are over here all the time.  We are over there all the time.

And.

I have other grandchildren, who do not carry any of my DNA but who belong to my heart also.

I'm feeling that distance particularly today because over the weekend Bell graduated from high school.

And I wasn't there.

Bell is Suradet and Yupa's own daughter, sister to Bee who was tragically taken from us at the age of 20 by motorcycle accident.  Bell was two that first visit, when I first played 'round and round the garden' with her.  She happily doesn't remember any time in her life when I wasn't part of it.  

She has grown into a strong young woman, kind and intelligent, and full of the kind of joy that every parent or grandparent wishes for their children.  Because of the unique opportunity God has given her to attend an English-based school in Chiang Mai, she is thoroughly bilingual.  This has led to her serving as my translator starting when she was about 14 or 15 years old.  We have formed a strong bond working and speaking together, and just being together as family.

And I would have loved to have been there in those moments when she marked this important rite of passing.  It's a little achy for me today to see the pictures, as proud as I am.

I'm not meaning to complain, really.  Because the thing that's foremost for me emotionally today is a deep, deep gladness.  This achy thing I've got going this morning is actually evidence of a profound gift.  Love is like that; risky that way.  When you open your arms and your heart and yourself to embrace in ways that matter, it's going to be awkward and sad and even messy sometimes.

And sometimes you can't be where you want to be, but you can be 'there' because of love.

And thank God for all the ways we can oh so more easily connect now than we could back then.  I'm so glad to get the pictures so quickly.  And I told Bell over Facebook how proud I was of her, and how much Pa Ken and I love her and are praying for God's grace over the next steps in her future.

Way to go girl!  

For the abundant riches of my life, I am unspeakably grateful.