"We must learn to regard people less in the light
of what they do or omit to do,
and more in the light of what they suffer."
Dietrich Bonhoeffer
It's not happening right at this moment, but I do bump up against this from time to time. Not as often as in earlier decades of my life, when I bumbled along in my boundary-vague attempts at being a compassionate person. I was not good at it then, not at all. Still have lots to learn, in fact. Since, from time to time, I'm still figuring this out.
For a more researched and intelligent perspective on this topic, I would leave here a link to a Psychology Today's article on compassion fatigue.
For now, for the sake of just me and my own ruminations, I might offer some hard learned lessons on how to be empathetic and merciful and generous, and still stay in the game of humanity-for-humanity, as God both demonstrates to us and call us to be agents of.
This is not for those who compartmentalize well, feel lightly, stay cognitively unaware of the suffering of others, while they contribute greatly to the world in other important ways. This is for those who walk into a room and immediately know who's hurting, feel their pain with them, and feel a compelling desire to help alleviate it.
For those who sometimes get sabotaged in their ability to be compassionate by being...compassionate.
1. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23
It may seem strange to begin with an inward focus when we're talking about being outwardly attuned. However, since those with compassionate hearts often forget where they end and others begin, it is essential to establish consistent, healthy practices of self care.
We will not be able to sustain any kind of ministry to those in need, particularly to those in chronic, dire situations who have their own boundary issues, if we do not take the time and space to restore our own energies.
While the proverb above is directed towards walking in righteousness, and not specifically about self care, it still applies. Our ability to make honorable decisions about how we are interacting with people depends entirely on how nourished, rested, and restored we are as we care for them from a place of strength.
It doesn't hurt to add here the suggestion that we take the time to figure out our own needs -- for importance, for approval, to be needed, for example -- that may or may not be driving some less than healthy involvement, even as it appears to be loving and compassionate. This may or may not require some professional guidance. It's worth it, if it does.
2. Do not give to dogs what is sacred. Matthew 7:6
This sounds harsh. But it is a warning to be discerning about what we are offering to some who will actually not be helped by our compassion. Instead, more harm happens when we allow any individual to monopolize and drain us of resources, whether that's time, money or energy. It is impossible to help someone who won't be a participant in their own solutions. A whole lot of compassion fatigue is the result of continuing in a situation that never resolves due to the lack of effort or response from the person we are helping.
It doesn't take rocket science to see how chronically needy people and merciful empaths can often find themselves locked into impossible connections that are simply not going anywhere good.
3. Act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8
The harder part is to choose to stay engaged in the suffering of others, even after you've been used or used up. It's so tempting to decide that the best protection is to just wall up and keep everyone else out; run and hide; refuse to interact in any helpful ways just in case you get drawn in too deep again. But there's no argument for that in God's instructions to us as to how we are to be on mission with Him.
Compassion is not optional. Not for those who are intentionally in a "process to be formed into the likeness of Christ for the sake of others" (Mulholland). Not if we claim to follow Jesus, Who's compassion took Him to the cross.
As I said, right now I'm fairly confident that I'm operating within balanced boundaries, fully engaged where I'm called to be engaged, and leaving alone what is none of my business, except of course to pray and encourage and stay obediently available.
Don't know who might need this today. I'm just working through preparations to teach Colossians 3:12-17 to the kids at Hot Springs next month, and these are the sorts of meditations that help provide the background work in my own soul first.
"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved,
clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness,
humility, gentleness and patience."
Colossians 3:12
The picture above, by the way, is not digitally edited in any way. These are some hibiscus blooms poking through the fence along my morning route. Maybe some compassion breaking through the fatigue to still offer what they can to the world.
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