Not For Two Minutes

Random and scattered and mostly prepping food.

Messy and wet and laundry on the line.

Giggles and pouts and thumbs up on the deck.

With snacks.

Always snacks.

And oh it’s a beautiful day

to catch some frogs.

It is.

Without two minutes to put two thoughts together.

Until Grandad

finds a way to let the little boys help him

hammer something.

And before,

when they were all eating breakfast,

and I stole away on flat water for a while.

A different way to be here.

Not serene but deeply good.

A deep knowing of generational goodness, this is.

A way to be together,

now.

Memories and legacies don’t happen

while you’re sitting down

apparently.

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Summer 2023 Phase Two

 

Back in April when we were laying out plans for this summer, it's always sort of formed itself or us around two phases.

Before Thailand, and after Thailand.

Phase One "Before Thailand" was opening the cottage, our first weeks alone, and then having family with us. Incredible weather. Glass-like paddles. Ample frogs to catch. Lots of food. Making good memories.

Then Thailand. Just, wow.

And now Phase Two "After Thailand". Starts with four days with four grandkids (of the boy-kind). Then into several days all on our own to quietly mark 45 years of marriage. Another weekend with Abby only. Then a few "perhaps" visitors. And on like that until Labour Day weekend. After that it's wait and see.

I need to acknowledge a loss as well, in this last part of the summer. The husband of a long time friend passed away last Tuesday following a severe stroke earlier this spring. So in the midst of my packing there are sorrows and prayers. The week home has been a mixed bag of 'all the things' my abundant relational life offers. Rejoice with. Mourn with.

And this morning. A fresh start into all that summer 2023 has to offer.

So here we go. Loading up the van is the very next thing I'll do after hitting 'post'.

Overlapping Orbits of Brilliance

 

Slept so well last night and woke up ready to take the day! Hopefully this means my body is accepting the fact that we are in this time zone now, even if my mind and soul are lagging still, just a little.

Still, I find myself eager, excited, energized.

Saturday.

It's gearing up to be a day where so many of the orbits of my life overlap.

There's still things left on the list that are about finishing off this particular trip (oh the paperwork!).

I've got a baskets by the door to deliver thank yous to Sponsors (that's always so much fun!).

I'll be doing groceries and packing today in order to be ready to head back to the cottage on Monday (with four grandchildren in tow!).

But before that I will be at Highview Sunday morning, and I can hardly wait to worship with my peeps there (oh how I've missed you all!).

Sunrise.

Children.

Worship.

Reflections of life and joy and love so brilliant I can hardly stand it.

So bring it on, Saturday.

The list is long with tasks of blessing.

How did life get so big?

"I have come that they might have life,

and have it to the full."

Jesus - John 10:10

Complex Simplicities

 

These first days back have been so good.  I’m mostly unpacked, have thank yous ready for Sponsors, and am ready for and looking forward to Sunday at Highview.  It’s been great to get out on my morning walks, which makes my travel weary body very happy.

Also.

Some unexpected complexities in scheduling, social expectations, and ‘just life’ realities are messing a little with my ‘jai yen yen’ (stay chill) hopes for this week.  Just sayiin’.

Jet lag doesn’t help, since one of the ways it presents for me is a diminished cognitive ability for problem solving and/or processing too much new information all at once.

Having been away for most of the summer doesn’t help, making these few days here in the city rather concentrated in what I can and cannot be available for.

In the overall summer plan, this was supposed to be an ‘under the radar’ kind of week.  Unrealistically, I think I didn’t expect any ‘new things’ to crop up; that everything would just stay in slow summer mode.

But no. 

I want to have the capacity to accommodate all the things.  To have the compassion required.  To be fully present with each person.  To answer questions thoughtfully.  To respond and not react.  But I realize with some dismay that I actually don’t have too much to offer right now.  Which makes me keenly aware of who I’m disappointing right now, which is really awkward and uncomfortable for me.

So I just think about the shoes.

In Thai culture you absolutely always leave your shoes at the door.  So, it was a notable thing while we were at Hot Springs just how big Ken’s sandals are.  Side by side with Jua’s flip flops, the contrast was amusing and sweet.  I just had to take this picture.

The sermon for this coming Sunday at Highview is about saying yes and saying no.  About a practice of faith that ‘makes space’ for the work of God in our lives.  About discerning where and when our energies and time are to be spent.  About have a clarity of purpose and the willingness to sacrifice.

Ironic.

I’ve been rehearsing it this week almost as a prayer, doing that preacher’s heart-check thing where ‘every sermon I preach, I first preach to myself’, making sure it’s as authentic as it can humanly be. 

And these shoes, this picture, the beautiful ordinariness of sandals parked at the door, reminds me of all God has brought into focus for me in these past five years especially.  And all that I’ve sacrificed to get that focus.

Simplicity. 

These little shoes pretty much represent ‘the main thing’ for me.  They’re why I say yes and hurl my body half way around the world and back again.  They’re why I’m foggy and unable to engage and a tad withdrawn right now.  They’re why I say no to other things, both during jet lag week, and also all the time.

So I look at the shoes and I can focus a bit and let things go a bit and ask for grace.

I’ll get to the new stuff when I can,

and hopefully there’ll be enough grace and gentleness for that,

from everyone else,

and also from myself.

Day three. 

Getting there. 

Letting God do His job.

Operation Normalization (Sort Of)

 

I don't have any scientific data on this, but I figure sunrise-therapy has to be good for reorienting one's physiology against jet lag. The 4.5 km walk didn't hurt either, after all that time sitting on the plane these past 48 hours.

Getting back to more normal routines is what it's all about these first few days home.

I don't know how normal it will be though. This is a short week in the city, ending with Sunday when I'm preaching at Highview (on Saying Yes and Saying No). Monday morning we'll be heading back to the cottage with 4 out of grandkids in tow.

It's just for a short stint with Gramma and Grandad this time, bringing them back by the end of that week. That's so we can have the cottage to ourselves for the actual 'day of' our 45th anniversary. (Which is August 19, since some have been asking.)

Short week. Unpacking, packing. Here in the city physically, but...

Body. Mind. Soul.

I've written about this before, but that's really how I experience the order of 'the big return.' Every time, it's gone that way.

My body arrives on the plane, goes through the motions at customs and baggage claim, gets in the van and arrives back in Waterloo all on the same day indicated on my boarding pass. A few hours later I take it for a walk at sunrise. But it still feels surreal to be on Canadian soil again.

My mind, as you can probably tell, isn't quite here yet. There's a lot of NFF post-trip 'work' on my list, but when I'll be able to get to that is - well - not today probably. Today I expect very little of myself cognitively. Just simple tasks of unpacking and sorting and laundry.

And my soul.

Oh my soul, take your time.

Again, no scientific data but, when you've hurled your body across time zones, flying into tomorrow and then back again...

And when the time away has been a firehose of ultimate goodness poured out into the thimble of your spiritual capacity..

And when the time away also represented the marking of a significant milestone and a lifetime of figuring our way together...

I think it's only reasonable that a soul may need a bit of time to catch up.

So that's what normal looks like for now.
Like dawn-tinged clouds over a familiar sky.
Like a soft burst of pinkish joy in the morning sun.

I have to say here that Ken's presence for this trip was extraordinary. We are walking the jet-lag thing together this time. Which is good since we'll probably be up in the wee hours foraging in the kitchen for something to eat because we're starving....but we can do that together this time.

Drawback. My out-and-about will be more limited as I won't have Ken as my back up driver for any time after 12 noon. That's been my policy for several years. Very limited driving with jet-lag, and certainly not after lunch :). But oh well. That's probably just as well for us both.

So. I think it's Wednesday.
Happy that day everyone.
Hope you have the time and space to care for your body, mind and soul in ways that a true and healthy for you!!!

Not Done Yet

 

It’s raining softly.  The kids have left for school.  All is quiet here except for the sound of the rain, and of birds, most I could not identify even though I’ve become familiar with their calls.

I am outside under the roof of the porch of our guest house, feeling all relaxed and satisfied, and very much at peace.   

This space has become another “outdoor office’ for me.  I’ve written many sermons and quite a few school papers here.  As well, it’s where we do our reading together with the kids.   A sacred space for me.  And I am again in awe as to how many such places I have been given.  Out in the kayak, the dock, the deck, our back patio at home.  And here at Hot Springs.

Tomorrow we leave.

Ken and I have already begun the packing process this morning, working first on our personal clothing and items, and then tucking in all that we’ve collected from our market visits.  We can’t come home without something for our amazing Sponsors and Supporters.  And we haven’t forgotten the grandchildren. 

The packing process also includes what we will bring home with us that cannot be put in a suitcase.  At breakfast this morning, both of us agreed that this trip has more than met our expectations.  What we felt we came to accomplish, and what has been accomplished in us, in our own minds and hearts, has been amply provided. 

We’ve most certainly deepened our relationships with Suradet and Yupa, the other staff here, and the children themselves.  We were able to bring tangible gifts of love from the children’s Sponsors.  We learned about the Fruit of the Spirit and can now recite them in English.  We read countless books to the kids, and handed out prizes for their efforts.   Two sermons were given, one by myself on the benefits of wisdom, and one by Ken and I on how to build a strong marriage, both seemed well received, and we just release them for God to work as He sees fits in the lives of these dear people.  Ken has had another on-the-ground experience to keep the work he does back in Canada in good context. 

Most significantly, perhaps, we were able to get a solid grasp on planning for the development of the other property we will eventually need to move to.  Ken’s passion and skill for site plans and blueprints was not only necessary for this trip, but was also truly encouraging for Suradet and Yupa.  It was such fun for me to watch Suradet and Ken working on this together, especially since this is a vital part of the ministry for which I am not equipped.

We honestly cannot think of a better way to mark our 45^th anniversary than spending time together here midst the love-work God has invited us into as a couple.  On our wedding day, all those many years ago, we never would have imagined such a rich investment of God’s Spirit in our lives.  Never. 

 

The promise that comes to mind, this soft-rain morning on the porch at Hot Springs is this.

 

“He who began a good work in you, will be faithful to carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”    Philippians 1:6

 We’re not done yet.   I guess we’re supposed to be a retired couple by now, but we have no intention of such a thing until we are truly not capable, physically or mentally.  So.  No.  We’re not done yet.

But we are amazed at what God has done, and that we somehow got to be a part of it.

And that we get to keep watching how He’s going to carry it on to completion.

 Today has been carefully set aside as a transition day.

No outings, no big plans, to big expectations except to pack, and reflect, and be fully present in these last hours.

Likely this will be the last longer post/report until we are back in Canada.

But we’ll keep you posted as we go along.

You never know what surprises might be waiting in the next 24 hours that will be post-worthy.

 Blessings all.

And thanks to everyone who has been supporting us and praying for us and cheering us on.

No Small Thing

 As seems to be a pattern from previous visits, these last days here I find myself ‘gathering and sorting’.

Thoughts. Feelings. Hopes. Expectations. Reflections. Observations.

It’s all part of an intentionality I have found to be so helpful in the ongoing discernment process of hearing God’s voice and direction for the love-work He’s invited me into here. To stop and do this.

It happens quite easily as I download my pictures.

It’s been a full two weeks, with Ken’s presence and the celebration of our 45th anniversary included, so there’s lots to gather, lots to sort through. The whole of the processing, like the pictures, will take weeks if not longer, and so in these quieter (for now) Saturday morning moments, I make no attempt to make any sure statements. Not even to summarize. Not yet.

But one thing seems repeated. This time, and perhaps every time.

There is no such thing as a small thing in God’s hands.

Apparently, I like to take pictures of flowers when I’m here, something a real photographer (Evangeline Wilton) pointed out to me when we were here together a few years back.

It’s true. In particular, I like to try to capture the very small blooms. Bring them forward into focus. Let them be seen and admired even though they might be overlooked if you were just walking by and didn’t stop to get a closer look.

I was doing this on our second visit to the other property, yesterday. While Ken and Suradet and our male staff A-nu paced out and measured for potential new dorms and kitchens and bathrooms and such, I traipsed about capturing small things.

I think long ago I abandoned the very wrong notion that success was measured in size. I rejoice with my brothers and sisters in ministry when they report huge numbers in Bibles delivered, churches planted, congregational attendance, healings and baptisms. Of course I do, who wouldn’t?

But these things no longer motivate me to emulate them.

Because God is also in the small. And so many of us serve in the small ways that never earn much attention, if that's what we wanted. No interview or article or any notice whatsoever, really. Honestly, the world could well walk by and never even know we were here. And that’s good and that’s true and that’s also how God works.

The wise words from a director of a local charity in KW (Jon Hill of Ray of Hope) once told a group of us that you can do one thing for a lot of people or do a lot of things for a few people, and it was good to know which thing you were going to aim for.

Twenty-one. Right now that’s how many delicate, miniscule little souls God has asked us to care for. And each one is an individual in their own right. A uniquely essential human being God has placed on this planet for His own plans and purposes. And for some incredible reason, He has seen fit to have us come alongside them and support their growing as they become all they were created to be.

One at a time. Small but not small. Not at all.

Now, for clarification. New Family Foundations does want you to know we are here. We need you. You are an essential part in making this smal- not-small beautiful thing happen for these kids.

And, the part about buildings for the new property? Well, consider that a behind the scenes sneak peak into some of what we are trying to prepare for, as God provides and leads.

Which is really what I’m gathering and sorting in these last days before heading back….I was going to say ‘home’ but…..it seems I have a few of those.

Photo Cred: Still life, me. Children Ahahn Gow Sman (with thanks).

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