To Be Continued - Sermon for Highview Community Church Acts Series

The following is a sermon prepared for Highview to complete our 'Called To Be Church' series in Acts.  The April ice storm disrupted a few things, so just to finish things off, Erin - who created the series - has asked me to publish this so we can continue to live into our calling to be the Church of Jesus together.

It's a long read, so if you're game, grab cup of coffee or tea, and your Bible, and hunker down.

Best if Acts 21 to 28 are read first.  Feel free to keep your Bible open while you make your way through what follows. 

Here it is.....Hope it inspires.

__________________________

To be continued.  

That’s basically what we get when we get to the end of the book of Acts.  That’s where Luke leaves us hanging.  Acts 28, the very last two verses go like this.

Acts 28:30-31

For two whole years Paul stayed there in his own rented house and welcomed all who came to see him.  Boldly and without hindrance he preached the kingdom of God and taught about the Lord Jesus Christ.

Love it.  Sounds strong.  I can imagine Paul as resident sage, folks coming to visit him to provide for his physical needs, but also to take in some of his great wisdom, his passion, his inspiration to live for Jesus.

Love it.  But....What happened next?

Whatever happened to Paul?   Luke leaves him in prison.  And nowhere else in the New Testament are we given an account of how Paul’s life ended.

Here is a significant, could be argued the main, contributor to what we now regard as our New Testament Scripture, someone Luke has followed closely, recounting so many details of his activities since chapter seven, and nowhere do we find out the end of his story.

If this was a movie, it would be one of those endings where the long lost daughter – maybe her name is Rey – finds her Dad - maybe his name is Luke - and you just know that there’s more to the story.  You just know that a sequel is coming.

That’s what the last few verse of Acts do to us.  It’s where we find Paul, more or less just hanging out... in prison.

And before we go too much further, it’s probably good if we know how he got there.  And for that, we’d have to press fast forward and zip through chapters 21 to 28 of Acts.

How Paul Got Put In Jail

Paul returns to Jerusalem after his last big missions trip.  This is more or less home base, so he’s likely thinking he’s there to give reports, get rested and, probably, strategize a little so he could decide where he was going next.  But that’s not how it goes. 

Some Jewish folks who have been following him around trying to stop his message catch up with him, make enough trouble in a public, riotous sort of way and Paul ends up being arrested.

This arrest unfolds step by step into a legal process that takes Paul to Rome,

because as a Roman citizen, he’s appeals to Caesar, his legal right, which we’ll come to in just a second. 

There are a few adventures along the way, not the least of which is being shipwrecked, being bit by a poisonous snake, and also being mistaken for a god

– again! 

And here we have him, now at the end of Acts, under house arrest, still preaching and writing and talking about Jesus to anyone who will listen.

And that’s where Luke leaves him.

Acts 28:30-31

For two whole years Paul stayed there in his own rented house and welcomed all who came to see him.  Boldly and without hindrance he preached the kingdom of God and taught about the Lord Jesus Christ.

That’s how Luke ends his story.  Paul, in what was clearly hostile circumstances, having been taken as a prisoner and just waiting to have his appeal given to Caesar.

It’s not how we might have written the end of the story.  Leaving our hero in chains, liberty restricted, just sitting there waiting.  Kind of anticlimactic.  Boring even.   A feature of the Bible, by the way, that makes it harder to believe these are made up stories.  Who would leave their hero just....waiting?

Except in this maybe less than satisfying ending, we have in Paul an example that I would argue, when it has been followed by followers of Jesus, has been exactly what has continued the restoration story God calls His Church to live out.

In Paul, here at the end of Acts, there is an example for every believer to follow if we want to be part of what continues the story of restoration, of shalom, of kingdom....even when, and perhaps especially when we are operating in a hostile environment.

As a Prisoner for Christ, Paul leaves us with some ‘ways of being’ that, to the degree we nurture and grow these in ourselves, we too can keep the story going, even when, and perhaps especially when it’s not easy to follow Jesus.

‘Ways of being’ to grow in.  And the first is

1. Courage for the Consequences

to have courage for the consequences of living boldly for Christ.

Let’s dabble in a bit of physics for a second.

There is a law of physics that says,

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Newton’s 3^rd Law of Motion

This is Newton’s third law of motion.

Ever seen something called a Newton’s Cradle?  It’s a series of heavy metal balls hung in a row on wire.  When we lift the ball at one end, the energy travels through the balls in the middle to push out the ball at the other end in an arch equal to that of the ball that started the reaction.

Whatever is done at one end, is mimicked in response at the other. 

Same can be said for living boldly for Christ.

Here in these last chapters of Acts we see Paul repeatedly displaying a fierce courage to keep on living for and speaking for Christ, regardless of possible, and sometimes obvious, consequences.

In 21:26 there’s this statement that seems insignificant enough, but actually demonstrates a remarkable boldness and courage when we realize that Paul knew full well that there were Jews who were openly hostile towards him, always looking to harm him, to bring him down. 

Acts 21:26

The next day Paul took the men and purified himself along with them.  Then he went to the temple to give notice of the date when the days of  purification would end and the offering would be made for each of them.

Do you see that?  He still went to the Temple!  Like, where his were kinda, probably going to be.

Clearly, Paul does not hide.  And he never backs down from talking about Jesus, even in the midst of being beaten up.

In the process of being arrested in Jerusalem, Paul is literally mobbed and beaten.

Acts 21:31-32

While they were trying to kill him news reached the commander of the Roman troops that the whole city of Jerusalem was in an uproar.  He at once took some officers and soldiers and ran down to the crowd.  When the rioters saw the commander and his soldiers, they stopped beating Paul.

And then, the commander takes charge.  And Paul, who, think about it, is probably bleeding and maybe has split lip or an eye swelling shut, asks if he can say something. 

Acts 21:40

Having received the commander’s permission, Paul stood on the steps and motioned to the crowd.  When they were all silent, he said to them in Aramaic...

And then chapter 22 he goes on to give his sermon. 

But, think of it!  He’s being beaten by people who are angry about his message about Jesus.  And in the midst of it, as soon as the crowd gets a bit under control and he has the chance to say something, he’s talking about Jesus again!!  To people to who want to kill him for talking about Jesus!!

I don’t know.  Would we have faulted Paul if, when he got the people’s attention again, he might have said.  Look, I think this has all gone too far.  I don’t really like getting beat up, so can we just agree to all believe our own beliefs and just try to get along?  I’ll shut up about Jesus, if you just stop beating up on me.

Sounds reasonable to me.  But not to Paul.   Not when there was a compelling story of restoration that had to be continued.  Not when the gospel was such good news.  Not when there was so much at stake.

I like to imagine myself to be as courageous as Paul.   Do anything you like to me, I won’t stop talking about Jesus. 

But the truth is, over the course of my life, there have been times when I’ve held back from talking about Him just merely out of the fear of social rejection.  Not that there was a risk of anyone beating me up.  Just the fear that people wouldn’t like me.

Okay, the stakes can sometimes be higher.

In 2009 a Christian teacher, named Olive Jones was fired for offering to pray for a sick student.  This happened in the UK.  (cite source/link)

And while the media probably isn’t giving us the whole story, this sounds pretty much like something’s off here.  Really?  By offering to pray for?  In the article it states clearly that she just offered, the mom asked her not to, and that then she didn’t.  And then the mom lodged a complaint and within hours the teacher was fired.  And whatever the outcomes of this, I am left wondering, if this was me, and I got another job teaching somewhere, how would this affect my ability to declare myself a Christian, to speak about Jesus?

We have a story to continue. 

Respectfully, humbly, lovingly, of course.  But also with courage. 

And it might cost us something.  Do we have courage in the face of consequences?

Paul did.  And the story of Jesus continues to this day because of it.

To be continued.

“Ways of being” that, to the degree we nurture and grow Paul’s example in ourselves, we too can keep God’s story going, even when, and perhaps especially when it’s not easy to follow Jesus.

And the first is to have courage for the consequences of living boldly for Christ.

And the second is

2. Savvy on the Street

to properly use our street savvy. 

Street savvy.  Street smarts.  We know what this is, right?  That ability to be very aware of your surroundings, not just ‘on the streets’ but we expand this to mean just a knowledge of the environment, and your role, or even your rights within that environment.  Who’s in charge.  Who to talk to if you want things done.  Street smarts.  How things work.

Every one of us has some component of this in our lives.  An area where we just know things because of our life experience.

I have a Spiritual Care Provider hospital badge.  It identifies me as a pastor for any time I am visiting someone in Grand River Hospital.  Also allows me free parking which is really helpful, truly.  In crisis situations when I’ve been up there for long periods of time or when I have to go in two or three times a day sometimes, it can really add up, and so this is helpful.

What else is helpful is that once upon a time, a long time ago, I was an employee of Grand River Hospital.  And so even with the renovations that have happened several times over since then, I still basically sort of know the layout.

And that general sense of hospital street savvy, to call it that, has really helped in times when I have been visiting folks who are patients.   I just flash my badge and I can get in when it’s not visiting hours, get in to ICU, practically anywhere, actually.  With this badge, I am afforded a certain degree of respect and access I wouldn’t otherwise have.

And even when I’ve been caring for my parents, in different hospitals, transferring over some of those hospital street smarts has been helpful to use to help advocate for them.  Knowing who to ask for, knowing some of the lingo.  It all helps.

And that’s what I use my hospital savvy for.  To advocate for whoever needs the care.

In Acts 22, Paul’s got some pretty strong street smarts going on here.

And he doesn’t mind flashing his badge when he needs to.

Will invoke his rights as a Roman citizen when needed – Acts 22:25]

In chapter 22, verse 25, we see him take a bold step and invoke his rights as a Roman citizen.  Perfectly within his right to identify himself as citizen of Rome and expect a certain degree of treatment and process because of that.

Takes action against the plot against his life – 23:12-22

In chapter 23:12 -22, there’s an intriguing subplot to intercept the prisoner transfer of Paul to the Sanhedrin, and when Paul learns of the plan, he advocates on his own behalf, and thwarts it, using proper authorities and process.

Appeals to Caesar – 25:11

In chapter 25:11 we have his famous ‘appeal to Caesar’ which again falls into his rights as a Roman citizen, but it is really sort of the ultimate trump card he could pull as a Roman citizen. 

So Paul doesn’t hold back from using his knowledge of his legal rights, or inside information when he needs to.  He’s not a hapless victim.  He’s not stupid.

Sometimes people who are suffering for their faith in some way, suffering some consequences, are depicted as delusional or dangerously misguided, or just naive.  Religious fanatics who have lost grip with reality and are recklessly throwing away their lives for a fantasy.  Or simply just stupid.

And to be honest, there are times when we read the news and, from whatever facts

we can actually glean, it does seem that at times, there are folks who are suffering consequences that appear to be the result of behaviour that was unnecessary, or misguided, and now they are claiming religious persecution.

But this is not Paul.  

He’s smart.  He knows his stuff.  And uses his smarts, he leverages his rights, not for his own benefit, not just to make his own case and to be set free, but for the advancement of the gospel, the continuation of God’s story.

See, it may be that when he appealed to Caesar he actually lengthened his stay in prison.  That would be the opinion of King Agrippa after he heard Paul’s case, and invited the governor Festus to come hear Paul as well. 

Acts 26:32

Agrippa said to Festus, “This man could have been set free 

if he had not appealed to Caesar.”

And maybe Paul did it on purpose.  So he could get to tell Jesus’ story to Caesar.  I don’t know.

But he wasn’t manipulating his rights for his own benefit.  Whenever he used his street savvy it was to increase his ability to preach the gospel.  Not for his own freedom, but for the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Motives are a tricky thing.  But the challenge here for us, I think, is this.

When are we using our street smarts, or any advantage we might have, merely to impress, or manipulate a situation to our favour?  Instead of, using that same street savvy to further the restoration story of Jesus?

And how much energy do we put on making sure we use our own particular kind of street savvy, our area of expertise, to further our own agendas, manage our image, make us look good......compared to making sure Jesus’ story gets told, God’s plans and purposes unfold?  Advocating for others, for those with no voice, for those who need care and support?

And yes, that stings a little.  At least it does when I ask it of myself.

But in Paul’s life we have ‘Ways of being’ that,

to the degree we nurture and grow Paul’s example in ourselves, we too can keep God’s story going, even when, and perhaps especially when it’s not easy to follow Jesus.

And the first is to have courage for the consequences of living boldly for Christ.

And the second is to properly use whatever street savvy we’ve been given.

And the third is to

3. Transcend the Chains

Transcend the Chains.

And here’s what I mean by that.

In January 2016 I passed out in public and they called an ambulance and even though they kept me in emerg for the entire day without finding anything wrong with me, my driver’s license was taken from.  Until I could prove through a process of testing and consultation that I wasn’t going to randomly pass out again, I was not allowed to drive.

That took three months.

I basically had a hissy fit for three months. 

And the central point of my anger was how restricted I felt in the work I believe I am called to do.  How can I possibly do what God has called me to do, in all its transportational complexity without a driver’s license?  I did not accept this graciously at all.  I experienced a huge degree of stress over this, to the point where I developed a wretchedly distracting, prickly rash all over my back that felt like I was being attacked by a bazillion mosquitoes, all the time. 

So now, I was even angrier.  How am I supposed to go about my rather demanding life, concentrating on what I need to concentrate on, caring for people, smiling at people, when I am so itchy all the time, and I don’t have my driver’s license!!!!!!!!

Basically, I saw this series of events as a huge limitation to the work God has called me to do.

But Paul.  Oh, Paul. 

He’s in prison.  Talk about restrictions.  And he writes this.....

Philippians 1:12-14

Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel.  As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ.  Because of my chains, most of the brothers in the Lord have been encouraged to speak the word of God more courageously and fearlessly.

I guess we can’t really say Paul chose the chains.  But he chose to accept them.  And he didn’t believe that whatever was restricting him was restricting the work of God.  In fact he did not see his chains as a hindrance but, in God’s hands, something that could keep the story moving forward. 

More than that.  He fully embraces this identity that he is a prisoner of Christ.

And he lets that bind him even closer to Jesus, and sees it as an enhancement to his ministry to the point that his “identity as a prisoner ends up serving both as an emblem of Christ’s humiliation upon the his life, and as a symbol of his apostolic authority.”  Hawthorne, 754.

Talk about reframing.  Talk about transcending the chains!

See I think we’re more likely to see our restrictions, whatever they are, as hindrances to our part in keeping the story going.  We lose our license, we are sidelined by illness, we have a huge reduction in salary for whatever reason, our life situation changes, even for good reasons like starting a family, or starting a new more demanding course of study.  And we’re more likely, I think, to assume that this reduces our chances to be part of God’s restoration story.

But I think our only restrictions are in our mind.  We can choose to keep watching for God’s restoration work in our own hearts and in the hearts of the people He puts right in front of us.  We can choose our own ‘chains’ and still be part of the keeping the story going.

Paul’s example is so inspiring to me.

He had courage for the consequences, savvy on the street, and he chose the chains.  And he didn’t let anything stop him from telling the story of God’s desperate desire to restore people to intimacy with Him.

So, what did happen to Paul?

An early church historian named Eusebius claimed that Paul was beheaded in one of the first waves of persecution from the Roman empire.  Details are scarce, but it fits historically.

Thing is, not Luke, nor any other Biblical author tells us for sure, and I think the thing is that Luke isn’t as interested in what happened to Paul as to what happened to the good news of Christ.  And what happened to the church.

And the amazing news is that the story did continue!

Here we are, you and I, more than 2000 years later and the story of the movement of Jesus Christ continues, the rescue and restoration mission of God continues.

It hasn’t been without its dark chapters, both from persecution, like I just mentioned, and when Christians have persecuted others, which is dismal to read about. 

The story hasn’t been without its distortions and corruption and times when we have behaved like anything but followers of Jesus. 

But the story continues.  Hope lives on.  And even though we, like Paul, now do indeed live in a culture that is increasingly hostile toward the Christian faith, we have the opportunity still to keep telling the story.

And I wonder, what story will they tell about us? 

The story has been told for over 2000 years.

And should Jesus decide not to return for a while, I wonder...

What story will be told about us?

What I'm Doing With Six Months "Off"

"What will you be doing for six months?"

The question comes up a lot these days.

Folks from my faith community mostly are asking it.  They're referring to a six month hiatus from having any presence at all at Highview between June 1 and December 1, 2018.  This is an important piece in the transition between myself and Highview's new Senior Pastor Erin Wildsmith, as I step into a new role, Missionary In Residence.

What a wonderful gift to be asked to remain part of the community I love so deeply, to have their full support for the work in Thailand, and to know that, at the proper time, I can come home to worship again.

But first, there's six months away.  What will I do?

For those who know me, it won't come as any great surprise you to know that I have a list.

1.  New Office Space

The first order of business is to move out of my office. I am so grateful for Erin's patience as I have asked that this not happen until after the goodbye service on Sunday, May 27th.  I just knew I would need to still have my office intact on that day, so I could say a proper, private, early hours goodbye.  This office has been a sacred space to me for a very long time.  God has been so very present, always. Countless sermons, personal break-throughs, moments of revelation and vision and surrender.  Pain, joy, frustration, awe.  Deep and beautiful conversations with folks exploring the nuances of spiritual formation and the complex matters of life.  So much prayer.

I have truly loved being in my office.

But now I am just as truly glad for Erin, to entrust it to her.  For her to finally have a space where she can concentrate and spread out a little and have actual shelves for her books.  To let it become a sacredness of its own for the ministry God has so clearly called her to at Highview.

AND, while it will be different, I am also looking forward to setting up and settling in to my space downstairs at home that will become "the office" for all the new things God is bringing.  Another sacred space no doubt.

2.  Sabbath and Restoration

When it was first suggested that a six month hiatus would be in order, and that this would start at the beginning of the summer, more or less, it wasn't hard to imagine myself being up at the cottage for as much of it as possible.  In this time of letting go and moving toward new things, there has been for me a strong sense that God is calling me to a time of deep rest.  To just be for a bit.  Not to put too much on the calendar.  Not to expect too much of myself.  To release the sense of responsibility and availability the pastoral life demands, and just sit in unhurried ways for a bit, to listen.  To grieve what I've left behind.  To prepare for what's to come.

A big part of this for me is to refocus on the self care of eating properly, exercising more expansively, and just being quiet. This deep invitation by God is matched by deep longing in my soul.  I am curious to know who will emerge from this extended time of sabbath.

 3.  Directed Reading and Research

I'm working, ever so slowly, on this Masters of Divinity degree at Tyndale University and Seminary.  Ever.  So.  Slowly.  During the time of my life when I was fully engaged as the pastor of a local church, I was really only able to do one, maybe two credits per year.  Now, with just five more to go, I am hoping, planning, exited to think about getting this done in good time.

For right now, I have been approved to earn a needed Christian Education Elective credit through something called a Directed Reading and Research course.  Basically, I will be working with a professor towards the out-of-class work described in the syllabus we have created together.  The fancy title for this course is "Incarnational Cross-Cultural Christian Education:  Strategies Toward Reciprocal Learning".  I don't blame you if that doesn't sound as thrilling to you as it does to me, but I am actually really pumped about it!!!  It includes a six week 'on the ground' component where I will be at Hot Springs actually teaching.  And it includes a final research paper that touches on some of the passions I've been developing in incarcational ministry, that maybe, hopefully, perhaps could end up being expanded into a body of work that might actually be helpful in this field.

This is already underway and I'm already putting time and brain power towards it.  And if all goes well, it will all be completed around the same time as the six months is done.

 4.  Hot Springs

Of course.  It goes without saying that with six months 'free' my heart would pull me to the other side of the world.  Truth is, I miss them all the time, I just do.  So two trips are planned within this six months.  One will be a shorter trip in July, and then the six week stint described above.

Already, even in preparing for July, I am thoroughly enjoying the time I have to give better preparation to sermons and lessons taught while there.  I have been told by Thais that the general impression is that Western Christians are better theologically trained than their Asian counterparts, mostly, only because of available schools and resources.  I am not entirely convinced this is true.  Either way, it seems only fitting to share what little experience and education I have been given with Suradet and Yupa, the children, the dear folks at Hot Springs Church, and perhaps other pastors who badly need encouragement and training.  Encouraging other Thai pastors is another growing passion of my heart.

All this is the beginning formation of the role of Missionary In Residence.  Even though I won't be back at Highview until December, the ministry in Thailand continues and I will be doing more of the work I love in supporting what Suradet and Yupa are doing with our kids.

5.  Other Wonderful Things

In a more general way, there are lots of things that will keep me occupied any time I'm not doing what I've just described.  For example, our house needs a lot of work.  I have a list for that too (and yes, you just heard my husband groan).

As well, it will be very lovely for me to be able to be more of a 'Go to Gramma' for PD Days, sick days, and other school holidays.  The priority of being a energetic part of my grandchildren's lives can now have more room.



So that's what I think will keep me moving, growing, leading, loving, and otherwise occupied from the end of May until the beginning of December.  It's a lovely list.

And as I have often said, I am unspeakably grateful for the abundant life I am living.  I could never have imagined it.  Really.

Makes me curious to see what God's got in mind for this next phase of my life.

The Cobweb of Confession

It all starts so innocently.

At home on a Monday with the sun shining in just at the right time, I catch a glimpse of a solitary strand of cobweb up on the top of one of the kitchen cupboards.  My casual flick of the dishcloth doesn't quite take care of it.  So I go to fetch the step ladder.

Later I will identify this my first fatal error.

Up just that one step higher, I realize with a small remembrance of 'housewife guilt' (yes, I'm from that era) that there is actually quite a collection of cob webs up here.  As I trace my eye across the top of the entire kitchen, I try to recall the last time this kitchen had a top-to-bottom cleaning, and feel shame.  Not that much shame, because I'm hardly the only one who lives here, and it's not like I haven't been otherwise unoccupied, and after all there hasn't been that much sunshine when I've actually been home to notice it before this, and at least I've already started cleaning the windows for spring.  So not that much shame.

But enough to climb all the way up and get those wispy guilt-trippers.

Later I will identify this as my second fatal error.

I will not fully describe what I discover once at the top of the cupboard, for two reasons.  One, I want to respect those readers who have a more sensitive stomach.  Two, the shame thing again.  It's enough to report that now that I am up on the counter itself, I am suddenly motivated to do some hard core spring cleaning, right here, right now!

Moving preciously up and down the ladder a few times, I arm myself with rubber gloves, cleaner and a rag that I fully intend to throw out at the end of the mission.  I clean just one section.  It takes all morning.  I feel tired in my arms like I know it's going to hurt tomorrow.

When it's done I make a cup of tea and survey my work.  Other than the absence of that one initiating cobweb, there is no evidence whatsoever of my efforts.  None.  I sip my tea and contemplate life's futility.  The cupboard looks exactly as it did when I started.

But it is clean.  It's a hidden clean, but it's clean!

And then this metaphor.

Because the kitchen isn't the only area of my life I've been hard core cleaning these days.  I have an office to move.  I have files to purge and organize.  I have a ministry to hand over in good order.   And as I start with the small things, like a cob web that strangely looks like a stapler, or an office chair, or some commentaries, I am led deeper into places of my soul that I thought were okay, but to my dismayed surprise are not.  I realize that there are dark corners of my psyche and soul on which, despite my self-illusion that I live a totally surrendered life, greasy layers have taken a grimy grasp. 



Hidden places.

The psalmist prays a dangerous prayer.

"Search me, God, and know my heart,
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting."
Psalm 139:23-24

The virgin makes a dangerous agreement.

"I am the Lord's servant.
Be it done to me as you have said."
Luke 1:38

And there's nothing for it but to lay it all down again.
The only fatal error being NOT getting up on that ladder to see.
Do the hard work of it until my arms and my heart hurt.
Clean out the hidden places that have been neglected.
Get this back to the top.
Receive the forgiveness and mercy that obliterates the shame.
And live free of it.


Because any other life is futile.

All or nothing, Jesus, just like you did for me.










 

A Hug In Reverse

So, I'm going just come out and say it.

Even in the midst of so many joys, opportunities and new things waiting, this entire season of letting go has been painful.  And it's only getting worse the closer it gets.

In less than two months, May 27,  I will officially step down as Highview's Senior Pastor.  Even in writing that out just now, I've stopped to heave an involuntary deep, and slightly shuddered sigh.   Okay, more honestly, I've been pretty weepy these past few days.

It's that big a deal.  Because....love.

When you've loved a certain way, with a certain freedom and permission, if you will, for this many years, it becomes far more part of your chemistry and synapses and DNA and heartbeat and breathing and being than you could ever have imagined.

Problem is, I love Highview with all of me.  And love makes this letting go really sting.

And lately I've realized it feels like what I'm doing right now is very much like the opposite of a hug.  Like a hug in reverse.  Everything that prompts a hug - the desire to hold close, draw near, be fully present in the moment of - I'm feeling all the feels of that, but doing the exact opposite.

In my leadership, shepherding, pastoral life, I have had by default the honour of knowing and being known, loving and being loved in ways that run into the deeper places of our lives.  I have stood in holy places with you, beautiful and wretched, where life is most real and love is grown; birthing beds and death beds, gravesides and coffee shops turned into confession booths, emergency rooms, ICUs, and in ceremonies, indoors and out, where vows are spoken.

And also, even less intensely, in the every day way of loving that a pastor just does, just making sure things run smoothly, leading meetings, following up on all the nuanced conversations, scooping up all the body language, building teams, praying, studying, preaching.  All of it.  It was - is - all part of how I have hoped to love you.

But this season I have handed over, delegated, stepped aside, released, let it be someone else.  Someone capable and humble and ready and respected.  And it all feels very, very right, and good and freeing, and part of a true and fascinating story God has been writing for our church. 

There is  no worry in my mind at all that Highview won't be well loved when I'm gone.  Just, know that.  And I have lots else to do.  This is also very true.  It's not like I'm bored or lonely or wondering what comes next.  My days are full still, even as the shift begins, and I map out weeks now that include more time for some of the things that are ahead of me.

But it still just feels so weird that I'm not 'doing' all those love things I used to do.  Feels like indifference, neglect, like I don't care, or at least that it looks that way, even though inside of me love rages on.

But this is the most loving thing to do now.
Let go.
And go away.
For a while.

Like a hug in reverse.

So....in real time hugs, I'm going after as many of those as I can for these next eight Sundays.  Fair warning.

[Don't worry.  The non-huggers in my life and congregation have nothing to fear.  You know I know who you are and love you just the same, just the way you are, and won't be bugging hugging you.  Well, not too much, at least.]

But the hugs in real time will help, I think.  I hope they help you know I love you, even as I let go of this.  And the hugs will help me too, so thank you in advance.

Because the joy at the other end of all of this is that I don't have to go all the way away.

Three time periods chunk themselves out before us.

Now to May 27 - Letting go and getting in as many real time hugs as I can.

June 1 to December 1 - A time of deep resting for me, and for allowing space for Highview to continue to be amazing.

December 2 and onward - A new era of being with you.  And the real time hugs can happen again.

Oh Highview, do you know how much I love you?  Do you?

It would be such a shame if, somehow, you didn't know this by now.

Sonrise Manifesto

Resurrection Morning!

Jesus breaks loose!

Nothing will ever be the same!

Mourning gives way to morning.
Sorrow submits to joy.
Death surrenders to victory.
Futility relinquishes to hope.

Freedom indescribable,
unbelievable,
unbreathable. 

 

Right here.

Right now.

Right everything and everywhere.

 

Forever.

And ever.

Jesus rules the sunrise.
Every.
Single.
Time.

Every sunrise remembers this sacredly.

Every sunrise sings this fiercely.

Every sunrise rebirths the earth all new and wild and waiting.

And I am consumed with it!
Reborn in it!
Given all the reckless gifts of it!
Resurrection morning!