Hand Over My Mouth

 

Twice this summer we’ve narrowly escaped breaking a bone.

First time was Ken, about a week ago, stepping backwards on the dock at the marina as we were tying up the boat.  His foot dropped into the space between two sections, and he fell with a mighty thud right on his back.

I saw it happen.  In slow-mo.  And there was no doubt in my mind that he’d broken his leg.  But when there was no screaming, and he quickly caught his breath, put his hat back on and got up, we were both surprised.  And so grateful.  Thank you, Lord for Your protection, today.  Both of us said it several times over the next hours.  And he’s told the story to a few other people, with the same expression of gratitude at the end.

Then yesterday it was my turn.  I finally got out to the south side of our cottage where there’s a wooden platform that leads to the pump.  So much growth had crowded into that space that we could hardly get around to turn on the hose, and it was completely covering some important pipes that need to stay clear in case of any plumbing problems. 

Out there with the shears I started hacking away with great enthusiasm.  It was quite satisfying, I have to say.  But one step over and – crackthud! – my leg dropped through a rotting board right to the ground.  It went straight down.  And I didn’t lose my balance or fall in any direction.  So, other than the startle of it, there wasn’t as much of a threat of a broken bone.  But there were nails sticking out, and I had to gingerly lift my pant leg to see if anything nasty had happened in the lacerations department.  Nothing.  Not a break, not a sprain, not a scratch.

And I said it almost immediately.  Thank you, Lord!! 

Wow!  We’re two for two this summer.

And of course we see the hand of God lovingly protecting us, and mightily blessing us in these and countless other ways.  And of course, our faithful response is one of gratitude, reverence and awe. 

So much goodness in this summer for us.  Lots of thank yous here.

And.

Today is the anniversary of the tragic death in a motorcycle accident of Bee, 20-year-old son of Suradet and Yupa, brother to Bell.  It was seven years ago.  He was not at fault.  He was wearing a helmet.  A large truck was backing in illegally on the other side of a blind corner.  A five-minute difference would have spared his life. 

And.

On the same day five years later Yupa would lose her father to leukemia.

The same day.

Grief upon grief.

And I don’t know what to say to all of that. 

Sometimes it feels like I should know what to say to all that.

But I don’t.

I am a theologian of sorts.  I preach and write and live out a faith in a God I believe is good.  I’ve studied the Bible for my entire life, still plumbing its depths, re-reading it in cadence with cultural shifts, anchored to its power to cut to the marrow.  But I still don’t have a tidy answer.  I don’t really have any answer at all.

I refuse to engage the useless question “Why?”  Although it does press my mind and tempt me to pull apart in senseless speculation.  Instead, I turn to what I do know.

I do know that I am called to gratitude for the blessings of God on my life and that He does love me.

“Oh give thanks to the LORD for He is good;  For His steadfast love endures forever.” 1 Chronicles 16:34

 I do know that much of what we experience in life, good or bad, is simply part of living on this planet in this time between promise and fulfillment.

“He lets rain fall on them whether they are just or unjust…on both evil and good people, and He lets rain fall on the righteous and the unrighteous.”  Matthew 5:45

 I do know that Jesus never promised we’d live without pain, only that He’d win.

 “In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

 And I do believe in His promise that one day…

 “He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”  Revelation 21:4

It should be noted that for all their sorrow, Suradet and Yupa have known great blessings as well, for which they readily and frequently give praise.

 And Ken and I, for all the incredible blessings of our lives, have known sorrow too.  Deeply.

 There’s a lot to talk about here.

 Job had a lot to discuss with God.

Nothing seemed right or fair in the midst of all his unspeakable losses.  But unspeakable was what it came down to in the end.

When confronted with the vastness of Yahweh, far beyond the matters of his one life, all Job could do was say nothing.

 “Then the LORD said to Job, ‘Do you still want to argue with the Almighty?  You are God’s critic, but do have the answers?’  Then Job replied to the LORD,  ‘I am nothing – how could I ever find the answers?  I will cover my mouth with my hand.’”  Job 40:3-7

So today, I am over the top grateful for God’s protection for both Ken and I this summer.

Today I grieve with my Thai family in this excruciating loss.

“The LORD gives and the LORD takes away.  Blessed be the name of the LORD.”  Job 1:21

And that’s all I have to say about that.