Not Without You

 

"I rejoiced in the people who said to me,
'We are going to Yahweh's house."
Psalm 122:1 (Goldingay)

That whole thing about being an extravert or an introvert was so liberating when it was first explained to me. Okay! Yes! This is why I so badly crave those times of silence and solitude! This is why being on my own is so restorative!

It's why I post so many pictures of sunrises, and flat water, and teeny flowers close up. These are moments when, all by myself, I am so very connected to who I am and Who He is.

And.

There's a literary feature in Psalm 122 that's kind of fun. It's called 'enjambment' and it describes an on-purpose run-on sentence, usually in poetry, that builds in intensity. It evokes a sense of breathlessness while the reader is brought along in anticipation of the pivotal thought.

Verses 2 to 5 follow that pattern, and it's all about the big feelings of joy the author exudes about going to Jerusalem to - and here's the pivotal thought - worship. And they are heading to Jerusalem, not Zion, which is more about a religious entity than a place. Instead, Jerusalem, a city 'joined together to itself' (v3), is about the bricks and mortar; a physical space.

And yet it's not. Because this is where the people are all heading, together. Not as individuals, but as tribes, or clans (v4). This means there were whole big groups of people. And a lot of them. Crowds. Masses.

So here's the thing. And as clearly as I a an introvert, this is truth.
I desperately, desperately need you.

I need you to point out my blind spots and hold me accountable.
I need you keep my heart oriented towards God and not self.
I need you to affirm and welcome my spiritual gifts as I serve among you.
I need you to forgive me, show me grace, extend your mercy.
I need your help and support when life gets crushing.
I need your acceptance and guidance and correction.
I need your love.
And I very, very badly need to worship with you.

I need to gather in the same physical space together with you, to 'praise the name of the LORD, according to the statute given to God's people' (v4).

Yes, I am aware that admitting this is contrary to our Western mindset of independence and individuality. I do realize that confessing this need opens me up to no end of possible disappointments and pain.

But it's still true.
Even as an introvert.

So let there be rejoicing.
Let there be breathless enjambment anticipation of worship!
Because I can't do this 'living for Jesus' thing without you.
I can't do this 'spiritual formation' thing without you.

I wouldn't even want to try.