Encountering Possibility

Mary's Garden encounter with the Risen Jesus goes like this:

He asked her,

"Woman, why are you crying?

Who is it that you are looking for?"

Thinking he was the gardener, she said,

"Sir, if you have carried him away,

tell me where you have put him,

and I will get him."

Jesus said to her, "Mary."

John 20:15-16

John's Revelation encounter of the Risen Jesus goes like this:

And among the lampstands was someone like a son of man,

dressed in a robe reaching down to his feet,

and with a golden sash around his chest.

The hair on his head was white like wool,

as white as snow,

and his eyes were like blazing fire.

His feet were like bronze glowing in a furnace,

and his voice was like the sound of rushing waters.

In his right hand he held seven stars,

and coming out of his mouth was a sharp, double edged sword.

His face was like the sun, shining in all its brilliance.

When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead.

Then he placed his right hand on me and said,

"Do not be afraid.

For I am the First and the Last,

I am the Living One.

I was dead, and now look,

I am alive forever and ever!"

Revelation 1:13-18

And while there are many other eye witness accounts (see Paul's list in 1 Corinthians 15:1-8) I choose these two this morning because they are so astonishingly beautiful and tender and intimate.

All Mary needs, in her confusion and grief, is to hear Him speak her name.

All John needs, in his terror and - dare I say it - disbelief, is to feel His hand on his shoulder, and hear Him telling him there's nothing to be afraid of.  

And I'm glad for all those who write good academic papers to help bring some reason to this wild thing called the Resurrection.  

But I doubt Mary needed any more evidence.  

I doubt John needed any convincing.

Neither do I.

Once you've heard Him speak your name...

Once you've felt His hand on your back...

Astonishing

beautiful

tender

intimate.

And now....

Everything is possible!

Putting the Good Back into Friday

 

You can't.
Unless you know.
They didn't.

I think in death, silence screams loudest.
Three days.
Nothing.

Nothing good that Friday.
Except what's supremely good.

"Greater love has no one than this.
To lay down's one life for one's friends."
John 15:13

That's good.
But it was all they had.
For three days.

Until...

Putting the Maundy Back into Thursday

It's one of the more tender parts of the Holy Week story.

Jesus, gathered with the friends He knew best, does something so weird and upside down, that the Disciples recoil in confusion.

He washes their feet.

I think that if that happened in a social setting now, it would feel weird to us too. But there was much more happening culturally for those in the room that day.

Jesus got up. Took off his regular clothes, and stripped down to the garb of a servant for this. He was all in.

Remember He was their Rabbi.
Remember He had just arrived into the city midst the jubilation of adoring crowds.
Remember they were already figuring out this Messiah thing.

In an eastern culture built on a hierarchy of class, Jesus would have been seen, without question, as the most important person in the room.

And then He does the lowliest of tasks.
Even for a servant.
The least important servant in the household washed feet.

There's more.

John, in his gospel, makes sure to put this into context. His prelude into the story goes like this.

"It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end."
John 13:1

Love is a servant.

This Maundy Thursday I feel the need to apologize.
On behalf of any of us followers of Jesus, who have tried to make it about being big and grandiose, I am deeply sorry.
If we don't follow Him in this,
we're not following Him at all.

Pausing here to make this personal.

====

It's a wild an fresh sky out there this morning.
Glimpses of Resurrection morning.

Getting there.

Holy Week Momentum

It's Wednesday, and that means the whole Big Thing is now in motion.

For anyone involved in any Christian Church at all, regardless of denomination, size or flavour, this is the week where everything leads up to Sunday morning in a way that just can't compare to any other.

For the past several years at Highview (COVID not withstanding) we have told the story of Jesus' death and resurrection through a combination of visual imagery, gospel narration, and the music of U2.

It's appropriately called "In the Name of Love."

One of the perks for me, in my current role at Highview, is that I get to volunteer for stuff I couldn't have given energy to before. That's why today, Wednesday, feels like the start of things. I've been offering a bit of creative direction and stage management for the cast and crew. Mostly just serving as assistant for Derek Goupil, our creative and talented music director, who leads us so humbly and tirelessly.

And tonight -- it's dress rehearsal!!

I say all this not just because I hope you might drop in to check it out - which I do. But because it's just so cool when people can get together, bring forward their talent, and submit to one another as a Team, all because they truly do believe in the story.

I absolutely LOVE working with these people! They are singing and playing and teching straight from the heart. Their lives reflect the Love they portray. They keep on in their own spiritual formation journeys, and are consistent in character both onstage and off, at the sound/light boards or not.

And, just because it's an advantage of being part of a 'small' church, I can personally vouch for this. I know these people when they aren't 'performing.'

So there's my shout out to a stellar group of folks who, as of tonight, will give of themselves to tell the Jesus' story.

And as an added benefit, we will be talking up a collection to support sustainable housing through LYNC Loving Your Neighbour Communities. Check it out at https://lyncommunities.com

Getting Ready for the Next Run

One of the serendipities of doing a deep purge is that you find treasures.

Yesterday's was a plain white box, instigated by my friend Anne Campbell (who's good at this sort of thing) for the purpose of collecting messages of hope and encouragement during one of the most disorienting times in my life.

Knowing what would be inside, and reluctant to put myself back into a space I had long left behind, I wasn't quite sure just how much emotional energy I wanted to spend lingering there. I'm already feeling a fair bit of big-move-fatigue just in how persistently we've been prepping the house for showing.

But I did it.

Got myself comfortable on the couch and just started reading.

And it was...amazing.

Card after card, printed-off emails, letters in the mail. Often it was from folks with whom I hadn't been in touch for quite some time, but who had heard what was going on, and had reached out in compassion and support. So many!

I'm sure when I first read those messages, they encouraged me deeply. And I also know that when I first read those messages, I was in a full-out, lead-through-the-chaos, fiercely-focused state of mind. So taking the time, some 16 years later, on an unplanned March afternoon, to let all the love just flow over me again, was

....incredible.

And for those of you who might remember it, and whose love was permeated through the cards and emails I sorted through, thank you isn't enough.

And also.

Tucked into the white box was a note I had written myself.

It was addressed to our church staff at the time, and apparently it was supposed to have gone home from the cottage attached to a zip lock bag of home baked cookies. Why it was in this box, and whether or not the note, or even the cookies, were ever delivered, I really can't recall.

But my own words caught me off guard a little.

"I remain convinced that all that has transpired in this past while is firmly in His grasp, and will work TOWARD His plans and purposes for us all. We are in a defining moment that can shape us for the kingdom from this day forward IF WE LET IT.

"My heart, while saddened at the unspeakable losses, is still eager to head into a fall full of promise."

I then encourage the staff to take care of each other, stay strong, keep their own hearts turned to Abba, and remind them to have a little fun, perhaps represented by the cookies, I'm not sure.

And it's signed, "Getting ready for the next run, Ruth Anne."

There is no comparison to what was happening then to what is happening now with our upcoming move. None whatsoever.

Except, in reading my own words, yesterday afternoon, in the midst of a serendipitous discovery because I am deep purging the house getting ready to move..... I realized that I have been feeling somewhat disrupted, and not a little anxious about the 'misty middle' part our particular right-sizing journey will require over the spring and summer months. And it's coming upon us quickly.

And, yes, I would have to call this step a 'defining moment' that has so much potential to shape Ken and I, and our family, for the kingdom, if we let it.

So if God could be faithful then - and He was, in spades!! - He will be faithful now. And if, in the midst of what could easily have been a big fat screeching halt to my life as I knew it, I could lean all the way into God's strength, and declare myself getting ready for a 'next run', then I most certainly can do that now.

Like I said, no comparison. And praise be to God for all the astonishing redemption that has happened since those days!!!

But in those moments on the couch I realized again that here is another defining moment. A big step for us, representing what we believe God is leading us to do and be in these next decades of our lives. Something that will shape us more and more into the image of Christ, if we let it.

How hopeful, and how life-giving to be reminded of how much love and support I've received in the past!

How hopeful, and how life-giving to realize that, in all of this disruption now, God is getting us ready for the next run!

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11Yupa Chaing Mai, Melissa Hergott and 9 others

Weird Gardening

With temperatures predicted to go up to 11 C today, I am feeling the pull to get outside in the gardens.

I will remind you that I am not a gardener.  I just plant stuff and hope for the best.  Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't.  And to be perfectly honest, I think most of my desire to get out there today isn't so much about getting ready to grow stuff.  It just feels good.  Feels like Spring.  

Right now everything is in the 'first things' stage.  Rake up those old leaves, pick up the winter-blown branches, dethatch the lawn, loosen up the dirt, clip back those vicious blackberry vines.  It's way too soon to plant anything, of course.  Even I know that.  But just getting things ready outside in the sunshine is enough for now.

Normally speaking, the next thing would be to wait a bit and then put some colour in.  I do annuals mostly.  I have some hostas, and something I bought and planted last year seems to be sprouting in the warmth we've already had.  Yay!  But most of the colour comes from the plant shelves outside the grocery store.  Or impatiens.  I know how to do impatiens.  

This year it's all a little different, though.  By the time it's warm enough to do those next steps in the garden, this might not be my garden anymore.  And in truth, even the 'first things' things I'm working on very likely won't be laying the groundwork for anything Ken and I will enjoy.

If plans unfold as we hope, by the time we'd be out on the patio or the front porch, we won't even be living here.  

I think about this a lot right now.  Not just in the garden, but in all the spring cleaning and painting and touch ups we're doing.  Soon enough, Lord willing, someone else will have this space.  And other than our understandable hope to get a good return on our real estate investment (that's the business side of things), all that we're doing around the house, inside and out, isn't really for us.  It's for them.

There's a lot "big feels" about moving out of the home you've lived in for the past 36 years.  Likely, as the time approaches and we have a closing date, I'll be writing more and more about it.  

But for this morning, on a day when it's going to be warm enough to get outside and work on a garden I won't be sitting in come summer, I'll just feel that little bit of weirdness that comes from realizing someone else will live here.

And I haven't really processed it much beyond that.  Except that it prompts me to pray for them, whoever they are.  For their well-being.  For their peace.  That this house will bring much blessing and love and safety to their lives.  That they will thrive here, like we have.  That the blessings we've received from these four walls, this yard, will continue to cover all their comings and going through these doors.  

Hope you get outside today, perhaps for less weird reasons :).

Happy Monday, and may the week unfold in ways that encourage and strengthen you!!!

It Doesn't Have to Be Complicated

"Whoever would love life and see good days

must keep their tongue from evil

and their lips from deceitful speech.

They must turn from evil and do goo;

they must seek peace and pursue it."

1 Peter 3:10-11 (quoting Psalm 34:12-14)

On this sunny morning I've been looking up some stuff in response to a conversation I had recently about 'end times' and what exactly should we be doing about it.

My friend and I discovered we had some rather different views about the whole thing, which is good. Listening friends can stretch and inspire one another, if hearts and minds are open.

But a feature of the conversation was an approach to understanding Scripture that could easily become over-complicated and convoluted, at least from my perspective. Granted, anyone who studies any ancient manuscripts of any sort has to admit that context and authorial content and genre and the whole spectrum of the background work, does deserve respect. The Bible can indeed be confusing, I admit.

That's why, as much as I enjoy and thrive and am inspired by lively conversations, it's important to me, in the end, to keep the main thing the main thing. To find those places of focus.

It's been said that it's not the parts of the Bible we DON'T understand that are problematic as much as it is the parts we DO and still don't follow.

In the context of encouraging believers who were suffering for their faith, which was very much part of the early Church's experience, and also a big and fearful feature of my friend's understanding of what is to come, Peter brings things back to the basics.

"Seek peace, and continue to pursue it."

Our conversation took us to the big and awful things that are happening in other parts of the world, and trying to discern who were the 'good guys' and who were the 'bad guys.' But it seems to me that my best response to this right now, is less about passing judgement on all of that, and way more about making sure that, in the realm of what I actually do have agency over, this is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing.

Especially, I'm thinking, in the midst of conversations with folks I don't agree with. How can I possibly be passing judgement on conflicts anywhere else in the world, if I'm causing one right where I am?

Too simplistic? Maybe. And I'll sort through all the implications and push backs as I go.

But....staying focused on the basics seems all the more important to me these days somehow.

Picture: Not related to the post whatsoever. I'm just really waiting for Spring about now.

Did Jesus Like Chocolate?

I'm making a little video to send to the kids at Hot Springs for Easter.

I got the idea in January, that perhaps, to help keep the connections strong while I'm away, I might send a little message along, once a month. Last month's theme was Valentine's. This month, obviously, it's Easter.

Thought I'd show them some of the traditions we do with children, especially, here in Canada, since Easter isn't on the national radar of celebrations in Thailand. No school days off, nothing really in the stores. No one's suddenly pulling out all the pastels from their closets.

Of course, Christians celebrate Easter big time, especially on Resurrection Morning. But since it's not even 'Spring' in that part of the world, there's no hint of marking the reawakening of the earth, new growth; nothing from the Euro-pagan background much of our culture's traditions and rituals are actually based on.

I've known this for a while, of course. How the Christian story of Jesus' death and resurrection has become associated with pagan symbols of eggs and chicks and bunnies. How chocolate came into the rather recently, and hey, who can complain about that?

I've known it for a while, but it wasn't until I was trying to explain all this - in Thai no less - that I remembered how culturally integrated and maybe doctrinally blurred my core beliefs can become if I'm not careful.

To be clear, I'm not against chocolate. Or bunnies, or egg hunts. I welcome Spring for Spring's sake with joy, and have no problem connecting new life with Resurrected Life. So I'm not suggesting we abandon any of the 'fun' parts of the season. And may I be so bold to say that if there was such a thing as chocolate in Jesus' time, He would have loved it. Because, come on. Chocolate.

So no downers here. It's just that I've found the exercise of explaining this cross-culturally to be a very good reminder to myself to be mindful of what I'm doing and why. To be careful in passing down the traditions to my grandchildren, all of them, so as to make these distinctions with them. To make the most important things most important.

Now, in all this talk about Easter and Spring, here we are today on a Friday expecting another last-blast of snowy weather. Sigh. I do want to pull out the pastels from my close. But today I just feel cold, and so I've put on the sweater and wrapped myself in a big warm scarf. Settling in here for some good work to finish off the week.

So, onward into the day, friends.
Spring will eventually get here.
And however you mark it, I trust it will be full of new energy and life for you.

And...if you are interested in experiencing the Christian story of Easter in a fresh and creative way...

Check out "In the Name of Love" at Highview Community Church on Thursday, March 28 and Friday, March 29 at 7:30.

The retelling of the story incorporating the music of U2.
Visually compelling backdrops on screen.
Powerful presentation of the music.
No cost, but a collection for supportive housing in New Hamburg will be taken.
No tickets, but please go to www.hcckw.ca to reserve your spot.

Both/And Faith

 

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."
Hebrews 11:1

Had a great conversation with friends yesterday, and this morning I woke up kind of still lingering there.

We were talking about our experiences with God where there wasn't any real explanation for how things went down, except that He was present or He intervened in some way.

Times when we were protected from broken glass or vicious dogs. Times when we received something we really needed for our children that was beyond our human ability to provide.
Times when we narrowly missed certain disaster.
Times when, by no conjuring of our own, we were surprised by what felt like a warm hand on our shoulder, or the sound of our name being spoken.

We could have gone on.
Lots of stories like this among us.
Maybe you have a few of your own.

And even though I can easily see the lifted brow of the cynic, and in some ways I don't even blame you, I still LOVE these stories. And while I can't objectively verify anyone else's experience, I do know the validity of what's happened to me. And with all my heart I believe in a God who does indeed move into our time and space to work things out for His bigger plans and purposes, often in mysterious ways. It's happened for me too many times.

And.

I'm not thinking this is actually what faith is.

I think faith is believing even when these things aren't happening. When prayers go unanswered, and the money thing doesn't come through, and we don't get into the school of our choosing, big plans get cancelled, and friends die of cancer, and babies are born still.

When heaven seems silent, that's where faith is most faithful.

No easy answers here. God can't be explained, nor does He need us to do that for Him. Hebrews 11, the whole chapter, will go on to describe faith in both the miraculous and the horrifying realities of life in this present age. Both/and.

At least that's where my own journey is taking me.

And for wherever all these ramblings take me today, I probably have to admit that a big test of my faith this morning is that we will eventually see Spring.

The crabapple blossoms on our street will be worth the wait!
I believe it!

Springpossible: Lingering in Lent

 

"Nothing ever seems impossible in spring, you know."
L.M. Montgomery

"Then Joseph of Arimathea took down the body of Jesus, wrapped it in linen cloth and placed it in a tomb cut in the rock, one in which no one had yet been laid. It was Preparation Day (Friday), and the Sabbath was about to begin...."
Luke 23:53-54

Oh the irony!

Happy first day of Spring, following the warmest winter in Ontario on record...since 1948, they're saying on the radio this morning.

I can't quite tell. Is this last blast of winter harder or easier because we've had such a mild winter? The timing is 'off' for sure, but this morning I'm finding it more amusing than anything else. I don't seem to have that desperation I often feel when winter hangs on too long.

Mind you, ask me again at the end of the week when this 'little bit of snow' has lingered and there's been a bit of bluster to contend with as well. I certainly was enjoying the opportunity to be out in the yard last week, helping to tidy up in the gardens before we list the house. Glad now for what I got done.

And I'm quite impressed with the green things that thought it was safe to come out.

But there they are this morning,
being possible.

My spirit is feeling the pull now toward Resurrection morning.
I think Lent is supposed to do that.
I think winters that show up late and
ironically spill into spring do that.
Remind us of what's possible,
what's waiting,
even as we linger in the snow.

So don't take off the snow tires just yet.
Haul out those winter boots again for just a little longer.
Wait for it.
It won't be long now.

"Real" Work

The happy disruptions of family during last week's March Break has reminded me again that I often settle for a rather narrow definition of what I consider my 'real' work.  

I said it to Ken last night as we were going over the plans for the week ahead.  I said that, for this coming week, I want to get down to doing some 'real' work.  What I was referring to was things I mostly do at my desk, with my computer, and/or at meetings with groups or individuals.  All the things I report on, keep track of, file, preach, teach, plan and otherwise am responsible for in that space that encompasses my job description as Highview's Missionary in Residence.  

I was contrasting that, of course, to the time spent engaging with (which, let's be honest, mostly means feeding) our grandchildren over several days for the (booming sound effects here please) DOUBLE SLEEPOVER that has become something of a tradition over both the Christmas and March Break weeks.  Actually, it's more than feeding them.  It's all the things that happen when children are in the house, all the good, the bad and the messy of it.  And it's all sensational and happy and exhausting and  hilarious, and requires from me very different kinds of energy than does my 'real' work.

In our chat last night, I also found myself contrasting the work we still need to do on the house to get ready to sell, with the 'real' work of my life, suggesting this week would be made up of mornings focusing on the latter and afternoons on the former.  As if, even with the clear understanding that our move is very much in line with how we believe God is leading us, there was a distinction.

Except, something makes me want to stop and think this through again.

What is 'work' anyways?

Especially for those who consider themselves followers of Jesus.

What is the 'real work' of our lives?

What an interesting research paper this could be!

But not for this morning.

This morning I'm just remembering again just two of oh so many references to work and work ethic in the Bible.   I'm thinking this just might help me through the 'work week' in a more wholistic frame of mind.

1 Corinthians 15:58

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm.

Let nothing move you.

Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord,

for you know that your labour in the Lord is not in vain.

I'm preparing a sermon using this text (for April 7 at Highview), and exploring what Paul is referring to when he uses the phrase 'work of the Lord.'  Basically, it's anything that is about forgiveness, justice, reconciliation, unleashing potential, protecting the vulnerable, healing, safety, and love.  In other words, anything to do with making things 'on earth as they are in heaven.'  It's a pretty broad job description.

Hebrews 6:10

God is not unjust;

He will not forget your work 

and the love you have shown Him

as you have helped His people

and continue to help them.

Oh I so want to explore this further.  But for now, I'm noticing the clear connection between 'your work' and 'the love you have shown.'  And then the next level of clear connection between loving God and helping people.

Okay, so now it's time to get at it.

Monday morning and all that.

And I do love the time I can spend at my desk, and will relish it with gratitude.

But I am also so very grateful for the other 'work' and 'real' work of my life.

For all those heading into Monday who may or may not have a definitive job description at this point in your life, for whatever reason...

May you find satisfaction in pressing into the 'work' God has laid before you....whatever that looks like!!

Un-Nesting

 

I am confident of this,

that the one who began a good work in you

will be faithful to complete it

until the day of Jesus Christ.

Philippians 1:6

Yes this does seem like a season of stretching.

And I am sorely tempted to complain, 

which, ironically only proves my point.

Seasons of the spirit 

where I am more aware than I am perhaps in others 

just how far I have yet to go.

The anticipated move.

The disruption of my nest 

providing disruption of my soul.

The letting go of stuff 

revealing how much I still cling to for validity.

The 'misty middle' of our time line 

forcing faith I thought I already possessed.

Letting God have this, 

as in 'He's got this,' 

as if I haven't given it to Him countless times 

already.

So I'm glad for promises to run to.

Like the one where there's confidence in the process.

The completing of me continues.

Good work, it says.

Yes, good.

Stretching.

Uncomfortable.

But good.

And He is faithful.

He is.

And while I'm called to faithfulness, 

of course I am,

it's His faithfulness,

not mine,

that makes it happen.

Is

making it happen.

Until The Day.

And isn't it so appropriate

that this is all happening

during Lent.

When No One's Looking

 

"The true test of a man's character is what he does when no one is watching. -- John Wooden

This may not look like much, but the inside of the kitchen cupboard just to the left of the microwave is now ready for anyone to see.

Before this, it wasn't so much that things were chaotic or dirty. There was just 'too much' in there, and the idea is to give the impression of lots of space. So, I sorted out all the mugs and cups and tea thermoses that had somehow collected in there all by themselves, and left just what we needed, and just what fit.

It's just one of countless cupboards in our house that are getting a good purge and tidy up in preparation for us to sell.

That's the thing about showing a house. Normally, if folks were coming over you wouldn't have to worry too much about what's behind the doors. In fact, you might, if you're like me, tend to grab some things and throw them in a closet out of sight when company is coming.

But not for this. For this, everything that actually belongs to the house is open to, well, be opened. So, the tidy kitchen on the outside needs to be the tidy kitchen on the inside too.

I think a lot while I'm cleaning. And here's what I was thinking today.

This is such a good analogy of the understanding of integrity. Who we are, how we behave when no one's looking should be consistent with the person we let everyone see. Inside should match the outside.

In case it seems we're heading down a very narrow path of perfectionism here, this isn't about that; not in housekeeping or in character. But the thing that's been sorting about in my head as I've been sorting about in the closets is this:

I want to increasingly live my life as someone with nothing to hide.

Again, the metaphor breaks down a bit, because there are reasonably and appropriately parts of our souls we only show those closest to us. But that's another posting topic altogether.

In the meantime, if I do want to move forward in living with integrity, perhaps there's some housecleaning to do. Well actually, of course there is. There always is. The big purges. The maintenance stuff. The quick wipe downs.

Feels good in the house.
Feels good in my soul too.

It's been a solid Saturday.
Besides the kitchen, I did some door and trim painting on the stairs, cleared away all the painting mess I've been stepping over now for weeks, pushed through four loads of laundry, did the thorough Saturday sweeping, and deep cleaned the bathrooms.

Don't worry. Ken was working on 'the pit,' an area of our house that will need several full-on campaigns before we'll let anyone see it. I knew I just needed to leave him to it, and he made good progress.

Hope your rainy Saturday was whatever you needed it to be.

Dear Jan (An International Women's Day Tribute)

 

You've been Home so many years by now I've lost track. Twenty-five maybe? But it doesn't surprise me at all that, when I realized today was International Women's Day, you were the first person who came to my mind.

A withdrawn 11 year old girl, fascinated with Helen Keller at the time, and awestruck because a real live blind person started coming to her church, shyly handed you a wretched and unreadable attempt at a braille note.

And you were not offended, but full of grace, and oh so kind, and oh how I needed that then! Your offer to teach me braille welcomed me into the warmth of a new friendship that God would use to both shelter and unleash me in ways that, without exaggeration, saved my life.

I didn't just learn how to line up the heavy paper and punch out the raised dots, and the whole deal of writing backwards and reading forwards, and all the little tricks of braille.

I learned from you what it meant to be brave and confident and joyful.
I learned that you could be very feminine and very outspoken at the same time.
I learned you could ask for things others didn't think you should have.
I learned that being a woman didn't have to stop you from being strong, and that strong is kind and gentle and loud and fierce and tenacious and laughs easily.
I learned that being a woman without sight didn't mean you couldn't waterski or ice skate or perceive when someone in the room was sad.
I learned that following Jesus was a whole-package kind of deal, the good, the bad and the ugly of life, and that, according to you and infused into me, there was no life like it.

Without you I don't know how I would have survived the confusion at home.
Without you I don't know how I would have survived the bullying at school.
Without you I don't think I would have been able to see myself as someone with anything to offer whatsoever.

But you saw me.
How ironic.
You saw me.

Your story isn't easy.
It wasn't easy to lose your sight at age 15 to a random act of teenage rebellion on behalf of the friends in the car that night who decided to play chicken and lost.
It wasn't easy to step into your young adult life and establish your own independence in an era where physical disabilities were equated with lesser intelligence and capability.
It wasn't easy to bring your full self into the dating scene when you could have been so easily viewed as vulnerable.
It wasn't easy to discover the accident had also left you unable to have children of your own, and to pursue with tenacity the process of welcoming your two adopted daughters into your home.
And in the end, it wasn't easy to leave us because your body succumbed to a degenerative disease that left you bedridden in the end.

It wasn't easy.
But you shone!!!
And, by God's good gift, I got caught in your light.

So, Happy International Women's Day, by amazing mentor and friend. I kind of highly doubt there's any such thing in Heaven, actually. I expect that in that place there's no need of such a thing. Equality and respect and celebration of differences and the putting aside of ego and power struggles is just the way it is.

Just the same. Thank you.
Thank you for being a life-giving woman in my life.
I only hope I have been
and can be
a fraction of this for someone else.

Humbly and oh so grateful,
Ruth Anne

Time For This

 

"He has made everything beautiful in its time.

He has also set eternity in the human heart;

yet no one can fathom what God has done

from beginning to end."

Ecclesiastes 3:11

I was reminded yesterday that this weekend we 'spring forward' and move into 'daylight savings time.' Oh right! That kind of snuck up on me.

So this morning's post is sort of a PSA, reminding you too if you needed it.

I know there's conversation out there now as to whether or not we should continue this practice. All the sleep experts weigh in of course, but there's apparently some economic factors in play as well, given our business transactions with other provinces and states that may or may not do the time change thing themselves.

I don't know much about any of that. But in anticipation of this weekend's 'loss' of one hour, and also of the 'extra' day in February we just had, it does make me muse some on the concept of time itself.

Like, where does that hour go?
Where did that extra day come from?
I can hear an old Chicago tune in my head asking that metaphysical questions:

Does anybody really know what time it is?

And time is held differently depending on where you are in the world or what kind of temperament you might have.

Culturally, westerners are more time conscious than event conscious. Then there's type A, administrative types like me that like efficiency. Few things irritate me more than the waste of time. The phrase 'killing time' seems criminal to me.

Then again, I am pressing into patience these days, like I wrote about a few days ago. And I'm learning oh so much from my event-oriented Thai family about all of this. "Jai yen, yen." (Which loosely translated means "Take a chill pill.")

It shouldn't be surprising, then, that a God who lives outside of time but who understands us so well, would speak so much about time and the cosmos and such eternal matters, as if helping us to understand that there are some things we won't ever understand.

"Everything beautiful, in its time."
Yes, I like the hope in the long view of that.
"Eternity in our hearts."
I think that explains a lot, actually, about our longings.
"No one can fathom what God's doing with it all."
Nope. Not me.

I do hope you have plenty of time to do whatever is on your mind and heart to do on this day we've been so generously gifted with.

Don't forget to move the clock forward Saturday night.
(But not too early in day as to not confuse your spouse too much, right Ken Breithaupt?)

So Not About Me

 

Yesterday's brief "Metaoutage" could not have happened at a more confusing time.

I had just finished working on a document where I was trying new things in terms of editing something online. There was some time sensitivity on this, so I was doing my best to be thorough under pressure. I also wanted to make sure I was navigating all the bells and whistles of Google Docs properly. Full disclosure: Google Docs and I don't get along that well, sad to say.

When I was finished and I tried to leave the document, I kept getting that flag that warned about it 'not saving changes.' What's with that, really? I thought that was one of the features of Google Docs, that everyone just goes in there and all the changes are automatically saved or recorded or whatever.

Don't get me started.

I really needed to get on with other things for the day, so I did it the old fashioned way and printed off a copy of what I had just done, so as not to lose any of the hard work I'd just put in, and keep things moving for the person on the other end of things.

Then I sent a message to say 'it's done I hope', and clicked on the "Leave this mess and hope for the best" button.

And suddenly, right then, right then, nothing on my computer was working the way I thought it should! Facebook wanted me to log in, even though I hadn't logged out. And my password wasn't valid.

Flashback to a few years back when I had to abandon my one Facebook account and start up a new one. By the way, that's why this account goes under "Ruthanne" and not Ruth Anne, which is actually the correct spelling of my name. That time, back then, it was a three day ordeal trying to reset passwords and get verifications, promise them my firstborn; the whole enchilada.

So now I'm thinking, "I've done it again!!!!"

I made a few feeble, panicky attempts on my own, but then called my onsite IT guy (aka my husband) to come fix the mess I'd made.

He sat at my desk working on things while I profusely apologized and berated myself for being so stupid with computers. I actually had to stop watching and go do something else away from my desk, furtively checking back with him from time to time.

Ken worked on things for a bit, but it didn't take long for him to conclude that it wasn't anything on my end that was causing this. Obviously Facebook was struggling somehow.

I didn't believe him. "No," I insisted, "It happened right after, right after I messed up the Google Doc. I got kicked off social media right after that."

But he patiently repeated, "It's not you. It's them."

In the hour that he suggested we wait until trying again, I remained unconvinced. I pondered the sad goodbye from Facebook, without even having had the chance to explain it to you all, since I was obviously a danger to my own social-media-self, and would never be able to make my way around the online cosmos again.

And then, before the hour was up, we were all back in Facebook world once more, just like nothing had happened.

Ken was right. It wasn't me.

And while we all have different degrees of 'it's all my fault' going on inside our heads, and while I'm one of the ones who leans that way, it's still true that human ego is a strong and tenacious force.

If we're honest I think we might have to agree that we all tend to oh so subconsciously believe, at some points in every day, about any manner of causes and effects, that the universe actually does revolve around us. Or at least we kinda wish it does.

And that can show up in so many ways and at far ends of the spectrum. But somewhere between defensive blaming and assuming all blame there has to be a place where I can realistically say, "Oh. This is not about me."

I'm laughing at myself now, now that I know what really happened. How ridiculous to think that me leaving Google Docs incorrectly wiped out Meta for a few hundred thousand people for a period of time. How powerful do I really think I am?

So that's my confession this Wednesday morning.
It's good for the soul I hear (James 5:16).
And it's good for keeping things in balance as we walk this journey of growing together.

Hope all your endeavors are free from frustrations today. And if you do encounter snags, may there be good learnings found there too.