So Not About Me

 

Yesterday's brief "Metaoutage" could not have happened at a more confusing time.

I had just finished working on a document where I was trying new things in terms of editing something online. There was some time sensitivity on this, so I was doing my best to be thorough under pressure. I also wanted to make sure I was navigating all the bells and whistles of Google Docs properly. Full disclosure: Google Docs and I don't get along that well, sad to say.

When I was finished and I tried to leave the document, I kept getting that flag that warned about it 'not saving changes.' What's with that, really? I thought that was one of the features of Google Docs, that everyone just goes in there and all the changes are automatically saved or recorded or whatever.

Don't get me started.

I really needed to get on with other things for the day, so I did it the old fashioned way and printed off a copy of what I had just done, so as not to lose any of the hard work I'd just put in, and keep things moving for the person on the other end of things.

Then I sent a message to say 'it's done I hope', and clicked on the "Leave this mess and hope for the best" button.

And suddenly, right then, right then, nothing on my computer was working the way I thought it should! Facebook wanted me to log in, even though I hadn't logged out. And my password wasn't valid.

Flashback to a few years back when I had to abandon my one Facebook account and start up a new one. By the way, that's why this account goes under "Ruthanne" and not Ruth Anne, which is actually the correct spelling of my name. That time, back then, it was a three day ordeal trying to reset passwords and get verifications, promise them my firstborn; the whole enchilada.

So now I'm thinking, "I've done it again!!!!"

I made a few feeble, panicky attempts on my own, but then called my onsite IT guy (aka my husband) to come fix the mess I'd made.

He sat at my desk working on things while I profusely apologized and berated myself for being so stupid with computers. I actually had to stop watching and go do something else away from my desk, furtively checking back with him from time to time.

Ken worked on things for a bit, but it didn't take long for him to conclude that it wasn't anything on my end that was causing this. Obviously Facebook was struggling somehow.

I didn't believe him. "No," I insisted, "It happened right after, right after I messed up the Google Doc. I got kicked off social media right after that."

But he patiently repeated, "It's not you. It's them."

In the hour that he suggested we wait until trying again, I remained unconvinced. I pondered the sad goodbye from Facebook, without even having had the chance to explain it to you all, since I was obviously a danger to my own social-media-self, and would never be able to make my way around the online cosmos again.

And then, before the hour was up, we were all back in Facebook world once more, just like nothing had happened.

Ken was right. It wasn't me.

And while we all have different degrees of 'it's all my fault' going on inside our heads, and while I'm one of the ones who leans that way, it's still true that human ego is a strong and tenacious force.

If we're honest I think we might have to agree that we all tend to oh so subconsciously believe, at some points in every day, about any manner of causes and effects, that the universe actually does revolve around us. Or at least we kinda wish it does.

And that can show up in so many ways and at far ends of the spectrum. But somewhere between defensive blaming and assuming all blame there has to be a place where I can realistically say, "Oh. This is not about me."

I'm laughing at myself now, now that I know what really happened. How ridiculous to think that me leaving Google Docs incorrectly wiped out Meta for a few hundred thousand people for a period of time. How powerful do I really think I am?

So that's my confession this Wednesday morning.
It's good for the soul I hear (James 5:16).
And it's good for keeping things in balance as we walk this journey of growing together.

Hope all your endeavors are free from frustrations today. And if you do encounter snags, may there be good learnings found there too.