When It Hurts Because It's Supposed To

Not gunna lie.  

Yesterday was hard.

And it kind of snuck up on me.

Usually I can give myself a bit of notice, emotionally prepare myself.  But this particular 'last time for a while' wasn't adequately noted on my 'tasks and timeline for the move' calendar.  In retrospect, I should have had a line on last week's to do list that read 'brace yourself to say goodbye on Sunday.'

Yes, okay, I know that there's an element of seasonal cycles where for decades now I've been away from my faith community for a period of time over the summer.  There have been oh so many 'last Sundays' when I have worshipped, Communed, and hugged, and conversed, and laughed, and listened and been listened to, loved and been loved, being fully aware that it will be a while until I'm together with these beautiful humans again.  

But yesterday was different.  It marked the beginning of what right now looks like a prolonged, four-month absence while we station ourselves at the cottage during the building of our new home.  Yes, there are planned Sundays when we'll be back, and more yet to be arranged.  Yes, I'm 'still working' and that means lots of Zoom meetings and other ways to connect.  Yes, there is technology and all the good means by which we can nurture our friendships even when we're apart.

But all through the service yesterday, and especially in my conversations afterwards, I felt that kind of heaviness that comes when you love deeply and are going away.

Next level honesty here.  It was hard not to flashback to six years ago when I stepped away for a time during a different kind of life transition.  Sometimes it's hard not to take pain from the past and lay it pre-emptively onto an anticipated future.  Yesterday there was some of that.

This move is significant, and layered, and a tad complex, and requires just a whole lot of keeping our wits about us as we proceed through the different stages.  I've been keeping my wits mostly in check with lists and tasks and prayer and reciting all the Scripture I can muster.  

But sometimes there are just the feels.

Sometimes it's just supposed to hurt.

Highview, thank you for being a faith community that's so hard to be away from.

Thank you for being worshippers I will so badly miss worshipping with.

Thank you for lingering so long after service to love on each other (and for all the ways you do that all through the week).

Thank you for all your care and support and prayers and offers of practical help through this big thing Ken and I are doing.

We will be back as often as we possibly can.

Good thing love is stretchy.